Just Keep Swimming?

The movie Finding Nemo is such a delightful little film...Pixar usually does quality work & there is often much to ponder in Disney movies!

There's a line that Dory says that I'm sure I've often quoted... "Just keep swimming"...Now, there are indeed many times that this line & motto makes sense & needs to be applied...And there are times that I'm discovering that it's just not appropriate...

What do you do when you're just too tired to go on?  What do you do when you need a chance to catch your breath?  What happens when "Just keep swimming" damages you?

Because "Just keep swimming" will only take us so far before we need to catch our breath...And sometimes we need to trust that there's someone that can swim for us when we're just not able...

So, catch your breath...Trust someone...And then, just keep swimming...

2 Days with Rob Bell (notes)

My notes from the conversations that happened during the 2 days with Rob Bell...Some of them may not make sense (except in the context of conversations)...But this is what I captured...

2 days with Rob Bell

Matthew 3

Principle of 1st mention

            Descending like a dove (fluttering like the wings of a bird...occurs in Genesis)

                        Spirit hovering over the waters of the deep

                                    descends into chaos & brings order & beauty

                                                New creation happening (Matthew)

With him, I am well pleased-- JC hasn't done anything...and yet God is still pleased

            Divine unconditional embrace that rest upon him before he has done anything.

                        This is my son, who sticks his foot in his mouth a lot & I am well pleased with him          

                        This is my daughter who screws things up a lot & with her I am well pleased

If you do this, then...

            Gospel says-- nope...Announced already

                        upside down

Gospel announces that there is no point system

We have a board that evaluates us on how effective we are at telling people that God loves them no matter how effective they are.

We signed up for a revolution, but end up running a spiritual business

Courage/bravery/innovation comes from-- "I may fail & it's ok."

JC brings a fresh announcement of who we actually are

            I will be in you & you will be in me

            JC takes us into our true self

            We don't need the next...We need you.

            JC doesn't come to lead you into someone else, but the best possible version of who you are

           

The Divine in full humanity is bringing you into your full humanity. 

JC doesn't tell them anything unless he believes they can actually do it...And then he lives

            "I/m going to show you how to do, then you'll do it & I'll leave & you'll really do it."

The job of a congregation/church is to keep everyone small because then we don't have to answer their own call

Blessing raises as much questions as suffering

            Why do people get cancer/die/natural disaster

            Why do you get  mic/why do you have X

We don't have questions about blessing...

There's the why me?  but there's also why me?

The gospel is not an announcement of who you aren't, but who you are.

In Christ-- Live in the blessing

People live being pushed from the back-- the past pushes us forward

The NT pulls us from the front-- pulled into new identity/true self

Guilt trip is not Gospel

When you learn who you are, now you know what to do.

Now, live into who you truly are

What you aren't isn't interesting

There is always someone smarter/can work harder/with a tougher constitution/theologically concerned/holier/make a more clever youtube video

John 20-- the "other disciple"-- (John)--outran Peter/reached the tomb first

John-- identifies himself as "the disciple JC loves"

John 21

            Peter-- "what about him?"

There's a church around the corner that's bigger than yours-- what is that to you?

There's someone you went to school with who makes more $$-- What is that to you?

What is that to you?

            We're talking about you...not someone else

            You'll be judged on your path, not someone else's

            Why were you not like you?

Matthew 16

You can't confront the entrenched ruling systems without paying for it

Martin Buber-- there are yes & no positions to life

I have given myself 100% to this

Don;t hold back

People who inspire/mentor you-- don't hold back

 Information architect

            the creative organization of information creates new information

innovation is the clarification of an existing pattern & making it more understandable

Invention is different than innovation

We don't throw ourselves into it full because we think it's not new enough

"How will you know that you've gotten revenge" (most don't know)

Simple/complex-- confused simplicity with being the other side of complexity

            The simplicity after complexity...pushing through the complexity to reach through to the thing behind the thing

            The real art is simplicity after complexity

            "It may not be simple enough"

            The best ideas are the most simple

Who am I is a shame question-- comes from what you aren't/used to be

            Who amn't I?

Chris Martin-- we can do the best with what we've got...so that's what we do & we go for it.

John 6--too hard/don't follow

John 8:48-- have you been misunderstood?

Luke 22:47--Have you been betrayed

Matthew 28:16-- Have you been doubted?

You throw yourself into it & you have to surrender the outcomes

            You are not in control

Does a leader ask you to respond in a way that validates the whether this leader is a good leader?

Once you surrender the outcomes, you can help people

Can have goals, but you may not meet them

The JC Gospel has seeds of destruction sown into it

My worth is not tied up in your expectations

How people respond is out of my control.

Ambition drives the journey & not the destination

____

JC didn't come w/ a menu, he came with a meal

JC didn't come for wine connoiseur, but for those who are thirsty

__

Seeker service-- isn't everyone? (do we have a "founder" service?)

___

if you know all the details, it's not a leap

___

Surround yourself with people who will tel you the worst criticism before the critics actually get it.

___

throw stuff against the wall and see what sticks

____

the exhausting thing that's not exhausting

___

How are you going to spend your energy?

____

Three tiered world view

            Up = God

            Middle = us

            Down = bad

                       

                        We still talk in 3 tiered world even though that's not really what we think/know

___

Spiral dynamics

PRE CONVENTIONAL

EGOCENTRIC

Archaic (beige)

            Material

            Survival

Magical/mystical (Purple)

            Forces

            chant/song/dance

            immaterial

            dis-empowered (at the mercy of the gods--the gods are/aren't angry)

            blood

CONVENTIONAL

TRIBAL CENTRIC

ego/power (red)

            dominate

            will

            Make my own destiny/not wait for forces

            sexuality/guns

            dictatorship

            urge/drive/desire

traditional (blue)

            code/law/text/scripture

            given some sort of governing document that rules them

            military

            loves hierarchy (everything has it's proper place)

            1 story-- narrative myth that drives everything

            "What's the good book say?"

            Belief

POST CONVENTIONAL

WORLD CENTRIC

modern (orange)

            logical

            reason

            rational

            Someone from blue says-- "our laws don't make sense"

            Data

            Merit

Postmodern (green)

            stories

            eco

            PETA

            Occupy

            All stories matter

            STORIES

            earth care

            Toms shoes

            Everything is connected

            (rebellion against blue)

            Flat hierarchy

            problem-- every story matters

            Tolerant of everything but intolerance

            U2-- way ahead

            Behavior       

1st tier consciousness

            means bump up against  each other

            Look backwards with disdain

            look forward with fear

           

           

In order to lose/die to your ego, you have to have one

Joel Osteen-- re-parenting; re-devolping ego

            giving ego development to those who missed it

Bill Hybels-- Willow Creek is data driven (orange)

            Mega churches

2nd tier consciousnesses

integral (yellow)

            help people be healthy where they are at

           

 How do we communicate/love/shepherd people in the way they need to be?

Don Beck

Integral Institute--Ken Wilbur

The Bible is a book of self-critique

            when you have power/wealth/blessing-- what do you do with it?

We don't ___ enough---> dis-empowering

country club church--> got stuck at tribal; not moving beyond itself

Team leadership-- still hierarchy

Even if you don't name the power, it's still there

pre/post fallacy

            pretends it's in green, but actually hiding in red

______

Entertain vs. amuse

Be really good at celebrating every movement that you see & put it on display

            You will begin to realize-- that the spirit is moving

            For this person-- that was a really big deal

           

Capture every story

            They are telling me this story for some reason...why?

Incarnation-- the word takes on flesh

            don't just use words

            If you can show it.....

           

Become a master at celebrating those stories

            doesn't have to be in person-- video

If you capture this stuff, you begin to tell these stories as they're normal

Normative language

            "You ready to learn a new song?"-- assume that everyone does

            where there is spirit-- there is adventure

            We love stories here

            I love about the JC stories-- the surprise & twist (you just made it normative for the stories of JC to be surprising & have a twist)

Think through language that you used that didn't work

            we can smell if from a mile away

What is the melody/hook?

            Come as you are...

            creating a culture

            this is how we talk

Great leaders have figured out an impulse & work at finding a way to work at it

Eucharist/Baptism

            Anything you can do that is an experience-- moved out of you talking

            People should tell their stories (baptism)

What should I say that hasn't been said?

            That's a cue-- why limit to words?

If you think people would never do that-- how do you know?

            Create situations that seem crazy & see what people do

This passage isn't meant to be read, but experienced

Ask questions in such a way that no one would say no.

Lent series-- leaving Egypt

            what bondage/darkness do you need to leave?

            Good Friday-- bring whatever it is and leave it at the altar

Move from me talking-- to trying stuff

People do want to be a part of something bigger than themselves

If it doesn't work...You know what not to do again

What is the measure of success?

            emotional response? (what if it doesn't happen?)

            people thinking about it for years after?

If I fail in front of these people-- what happens?

You change the macro through the micro

            people remember how you handle it

Come to terms with the world failure

            failure assumes there was a way to do something right

           

Failure stories are powerful

For a reason, for a season

            we only have X amount of energy....

            This is how we see things

Henry Cloud-- energy around letting things end

______

Marriage as an adventure

friendships are based on mutual need; ministry is based on giving more

Loving yourself is where it starts

Most people need to know how to play

What does a healthy, sustainable life look like? 

            create the boundaries

            Stick to them

            People will learn

Intentionality of starting something new

Blessing of the skinned knee (book)

Blessing of the B- (book)

Every good leader has sacred rituals

            always involves exercise

The greatest gift you give your congregation is to be rested & grounded

-----------

Criticism

2 Samuel 16:5-

Shimi--from same clan as saul's family

            previous regime/system as it used to be worked well for him

            knew how thing worked/had power

            Has a lot invested in how it was

           

David is a disrupting agent

            could have been anyone else

David has an ear to listen for what is true

            Non-reactive presence

I don't have to respond if I don't want to

2 Samuel 19

15--brown noser committee

16-17--shimei hurried/rushed/crossed before

19--calls him king 3 times

22--What does this have to do with you?

1 Kings 2 5:-9

8--I made a promise not to kill him

9--But...do what you want (but you should kill him)

David never forgot what Shimei did...

Confusifying

            It's natural & normal to have varied reactions

Psalms

            praying your murderous impulses-- helps them to decrease

            voices every impulse to God-- then it loses its power

I'm a pastor that means I'm polite/nice

            becomes volcanic inside

The sooner that you can get to the "walk away" place

            the sooner you can work through it

We all have a shadow-- that which what we're most afraid it true about us

            Find someone who is that & project it

Leaders-- the more you develop your public image, the shadow just keeps growing

Churches-- shadow management

Go into your own depths

If you can go through a Friday...a Sunday is coming

Taking up the cross-- pain of leading people into new places where they don't want to go

Acting in the world

            if you're looking to avoid criticism...too late

            setting yourself up to be talked about

           

Indirect-- what's in the room?

            question behind the question

            wound behind the wound

            fear behind the fear

            Ask questions until you find what the real thing is

You may have punched first

Explicit critique

            straightforward...here's what I don't like

Implicit critique

            When you do something differently, you may be critiquing the old way

Blood guilt ---> returning home from exile

Exodus---> freedom from slavery

            slave to so many things in culture

Live it for awhile before you ever preach it

            Let yourself live with it

            let it become incarnate in you

            see if it sticks or not

            find your own shadow

New/novel  ---> Normal/natural

            It takes awhile for a new idea to become natural

            Law written on your hearts (Jeremiah)

                        You don't need it written on the wall because you know it

The goal isn't having a statement of faith written, but lived

Know what you're for

            "why don't you do an altar call?"---> "We're inviting people to trust JC where they are...Recognize we all need salvation--individually & corporately"

literally vs. literately

It is ok to have boundaries with toxic people who drain the life out of you

Being a leader is not a license to be a punching bag

JC wasn't just tea & cookies

you are a precious resource

Use governing bodies to work for you

            make a log

            this is my job description & this is what is keeping me from doing it

            Turn them into co-conspirators

Passion wins

            whoever lays their heart on the table is who wins

            the church is ultimately mystical

What happens in church meetings--

            everyone is waiting to hear what we're here for

            start meetings with Eucharist

no greater pain the the birth of a new idea (which is usually a reconfiguration of old ideas)

_____

Adrenaline/Brainwaves/Rhythm

It will take about 6 hours for your body to recover from adrenaline rushes (chemically speaking)

What are the times throughout the week that the adrenaline is pumping?

            work backwards

What are the natural rhythms?

            hours/weeks/days/seasons

What does a year look like that looks like something you can do

Get away before you're in trouble

Theta waves

            rest/relax/sleep

           

Beta waves

            Action/doing stuff/brain is firing

Your brain can overheat

SMR--Beta/Theta in perfect harmony

            awake, fully present, fully aware, not burning energy

            yoga

            breathing

Alpha waves

            Creativity

            If I rev fast enough, I can get stuff done

Take good care of yourself--like an Olympic athlete

Neuro feedback

Symphony of the mind/brain

 ________

Law-- coupons-- you have to spend $100 to get $50 off/ Blessing-- gift card in the mail

Ephesians begins w/ 3 chapters of who you are

Ask the elephant in the room

Where is this already present in this world?

What is going on in the text?

What's the thing behind the thing?

Proverbs-- conventional wisdom

Ecclesiastes--wisdom after wisdom-- comes when conventional wisdom has blown up in your face; did everything right& it still blows up in your face

how does conventional wisdom fail?

Is this all there is?

I got everything I wanted....Is this all there is?

Everything blew up in my face...is this all there is?

How do you set up this book so everyone knows how to read it?

Everything is temporal-- and that's ok

Hope is born from struggle

            hope is not an emotion

courage--acting in the face of your fear

What's the thing behind the thing behind the thing

The power of a great communication is that it disrupts all the right htings

I am not here to help you go around it, but right into the heart of if

The pilgrim has to crawl across the devil's loins to understand that down is up & up is down (Dante)

Some people need permission to be sad/angry

We acknowledge the full spectrum of human experience as natural & normal...God has a way of showing up in some of the most unexpected ways & traumas...Not going to resolve/fix, but creeate space to be in it

Incarnation-- God's impulse is solidarity

Sometimes there is no conclusion...some pain is unresolved

Is there anyway I'm rushing to the next season before letting this season end?

Change is a form of loss & loss is a form of change

1 john 3:8

            Devil

                        hasatan

            in development in the Scripture (not in Genesis)

            identify an existing pattern

            play with cultural notions of devil

You are a beloved child of God--this is who you belong to

Some sort of split/ruckus happening/turmoil that we don't know

            we only get one side

The funnier & more absurd you make it, the more people are with you

Centralize/aggregized force against our flourishment

Movement affects how we hear things

Think through what your body is doing & block it

what are the pictures/images/songs?

How do I destroy the 4th wall?

How do I involve the people?

What does this look like?

It all begins with the fresh word

            some insight

            some truth

Find the 2 best commentaries

Is there more to the story?

What has been said about this passage?

Stephen Fowl--> philippians

NT Wright-- New Testament series

What are the key words?

            is there any preaching gold?

            look for the hook

anything that strikes you, right it down

            no edit button

sometimes you have a metaphor before you know what it means

you can teach or you can be a teacher

you can preach or be a preacher

Keep your eyes open

Where will people be at the end of each section?

Know what's happening in the room

The more you know the structure, the more free you are to be spontaneous

people want to know if they're in good hands

the real gift you give is the ability to be surprised in the moment

Deconstruct

Respect the medium for what it is

hold content loosely because some of it might have to go

resonating interval-- everyone breathes at the same time

            why music is unifying

_____

If you;re cooked--- talk about being cooked

If you have writer's block, talk about writer's block

            tell them stories about the week

Do you have a teaching just sitting there?

What are we trying to do here?

____

And Are We Yet Alive?

Water has magical, mystical, healing powers for me...Whenever I feel myself depleted, I know that I need to find a body of water to breathe next to...It's the place that I can block everything else out and just simply listen for that still, small voice that whispers sweet words of grace to my soul.

As I stood on the beach the first day I arrived in California, I could immediately feel a warmth (that wasn't just the sun) and presence that was offering healing to my soul that for the last year has been ripped & torn apart in ways that I'm still discovering.

The very first day, I sat staring out at the waves and feeling the sand, a hymn came to my mind & it took me awhile to figure out the words to go with the tune...But soon I began to sing, "And Are We Yet Alive?" It's a hymn that I'm not altogether too familiar with (in the fact that I don't really know all of the words...)...But the words began to ring in my spirit & flow out of my mouth... "And are we yet alive? la la la ...Glory & praise & honor be as that above...What trials have we known since we assembled last? And are we yet alive?" Those are the only words that were able to be found...I'm not even sure if some of them are right! But, it was the song that was in my soul...It was the song that needed to find it's way to my mouth...

I remember talking with Jonette often about life...She would often tell me, "When you move to California, I just know that everything will just fall into place." Now, I'm not moving to California tomorrow...But her words rang in my spirit...And the truth is, everything in life seems to make sense when I'm here in California. Life just makes sense. I just make sense. Is it because I'm away from normality? Is it because of the mystical powers of the ocean? Is it a state of mind? I can't answer that...As I stood in the ocean, I can tell you that life just made sense. And in a mystical, spiritual way, Jonette was standing next to me whispering, "Everything will just fall into place."

The question that is ringing in me....And are we yet alive? I have been in the process of just holding on this past year...My soul has been shattered in so many ways & I feel like this trip, I've been finding the broken pieces of my soul in various & surprising places throughout California...But truthfully, not all...I feel like I'm on a journey to find the rest of them...And I'm committed to this journey.

Relationship.

I didn't go on vacation as soon as I should have.  I wasn't to the point of exhaustion or burnout...But I could feel the beginning signs...Not enough to freak out over, but enough to know that I waited far too long.  I'll work on fixing that & plan out another couple weeks of vacation before July (since my covenant group is coming in June, that's 1 down!)

I was reflecting on my vacation in California this time...I love coming out here.  I love seeing friends, and spending time with family, & experiencing things I can't experience in Illinois.  I wouldn't come out here randomly...I'm so glad to be able to spend time with the Fegan family.  I know how much family means to them and how hard it is to not be in the same state or a car trip away...As important as it is for them that I visit, it's just as important for me.  This family has loved and supported me in fabulous ways throughout my life...Whether it was being hired to babysit (or watch the kids shopping!) or helping me find a job when I didn't know what else to do or letting me do laundry & have a home cooked meal while in seminary or giving using some of their days off to pick me up from the airport or show me the sights of Southern California...Not to mention the prayers, attendance at important events, and all of the invisible support!  I love this family!  (and I'm not just saying that because I stay at their house!)

I was reflecting on my past trips out here...This is my 3rd time in the last 3 years and each year has brought a different set of needs.  In fact, I think I can summarize each trip into a word...

The first year: Escape...This was one year that I waited entirely too long for a vacation...Entirely.  Even though I didn't know it (or I didn't want to admit it), I was exhausted...I was looking for a chance to escape.  Escape to a far away land and not think about life in the church or deal with anything...Unfortunately, that escape was not as much as I had hoped and I answered the phone way too much...But I do think I achieved some sense of escape....I remember staring wistfully out at the ocean on a pier one afternoon and just escaping completely into God's presence.  I know that there were tons of people around, but I didn't care.  I think it was there that I fully embraced my need for water & the ocean to fill my soul.  (it's also what sparked my need to head into Navy Pier every once in awhile...I know that Lake Michigan is not an ocean, but the sound of water always transports me.)

The second year: Entertainment...I knew I was moving when I came here last year...I was in a very different frame of mind...I was thinking of transition more than anything else and opportunities to dream...I think in a lot of ways I was still recovering from the burnout that I teetered on the last year...I spent much of my time here being entertained-- I saw more tapings than I thought I could!  (Ellen, Craig Ferguson, Chelsea Lately)...I spent time seeing the sights and was really on the go every time...I loved it...I loved being busy and I loved being entertained.  It was exactly what I needed! 

This year: Relationships...I don't need to escape...I don't need to be entertained (well, I always need to be entertained, but not in the same way)...And I have great relationships, but my theme for this year was relationship.  I had absolutely no agenda coming out here...No shows to see, no particular sights to see...Nothing.  I let the relationships dictate.  And my goodness did they...Whether it was wandering through stores, walking on the beach or having meals together...I was constantly surprised by the people I spent time with.  Even if we said nothing to each other or we spent the whole time laughing...Sometimes I was even surprised by the people that I spent time with! 

How is it with my soul?  It is well.  I am coming home with new dreams having been dreamt and new dreams to dream.  I am coming home have been filled with a different sense of community, having been challenged, and having been comforted.  How is it with my soul?  Yes.e

Of course you already knew that...

I am absolutely terrible at self care. It is an acknowledgment that I have made before and have made it in passing. I have said it as a way of just saying, "Oh yeah, I know I'm terrible at it, but what are you going to do?"

This Lent, the series that we did was "From Hurt to Healing" and I am absolutely thrilled with the responses. It was a very difficult series for many people, but a very imporant series at the same time. I found it helpful for me as an individual as well to relive Andrew Sung Park's class "Sin, Han, Woundedness, & Healing"...But I would be remiss if I didn't say how much extra work went into this series--both outside of Sunday morning and involved with Sunday morning. I am humbled to have been a part of it, but it has been exhausting.

I've also been going over my calendar and I realized that throughout these 40 days of Lent, I really only had 3 Fridays off (and if I'm being really honest, 2...and if I'm being really, really honest...). And even today, I am torn with actually taking the day off or getting some things done that I couldn't get done during Lent/Holy Week.

A friend pointed out last week that my sleep pattern was off and that it was so off that it was concerning...I pushed it off as yeah, me too...But it is concerning. And today was the first time in I can't remember how long that I actually woke up to the sun instead of seeing the sun come up...That is not usual for me. And of course it hasn't meant that my nights have gotten any shorter, those have been the same length...So, I'm running on far less sleep than usual and that I need.

When I woke up this morning and started to breathe and meditate, I came to realize that I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained...For those of you that know me and know me well, this probably doesn't come as a huge shock and have probably told me as such at some point along this journey.

What I don't want to happen is to acknowledge this and then pass it off and say, "Oh well." But there are certain things that I just don't know how to turn off and understand that it doesn't mean I'm a terrible person or that I'm not doing my job.

I need a break & I need a vacation, but as I told a friend-- "I can't take a vacation because I'm too busy working." Yeah, that's helpful...

So, now I'm left with what to do...I can continue this unhealthy pattern because it's what I know or I can do something different...And to be completely honest, I'm not sure which I'm going to do.

So, who out there practices self care well and can give me some tips?