Some interesting thoughts that came partially from the sermon/worship service tonight and partially from the Scriptures read tonight and partially just from chats with God:

Our hearts are the manger for Jesus and Jesus is born in our "heart-manger" every day

Christmas is an amazing season

Jesus came as a baby in this world...Look at the babies around you seriously next time...My friend Daniel said that's how he fully understood what Jesus did when he saw his newborn daughter being held up on Christmas Eve.

Incarnation...God came to be with us. God came to be with us. God came to be with us.

Sometimes if you keep an open mind/heart/ear you hear something that is incredibly useful and God will speak to you. When you close yourself off, God has a hard time getting through. Hence, you should try and be more open.

Christmas is one of my favorite seasons and one that is vital to the Church. If Christ had not been born, how could Christ die for us? How can we sit by and let this pass without worshipping and celebrating the day? (I'm still sad for those people to whom the churches have closed their doors, but I hope that they still find their home in a church and most importantly The Church.)

"church" is something that is much more than "just a service"...Church is a way of life and something that you can't pick and choose when you "use" it. Church is the body of Christ at work in the world; Church is the community in which your faith is shaped; Church is the outreach of Christ's love to the world. Church is NOT something you do because it's fun (great side effect, but not the purpose); Church is NOT something that harms people or oppresses them; Church is NOT an event or a time or a place

There are some Christmas traditions that have to happen in order for it to "feel" like Christmas...However, the most important thing to remember is the Incarnation of Jesus Christ. When God became flesh to live among us...



Merry Christmas everyone!

Here are my top 10 CDs of this year...Just like the movie list, these may not have been released this year necessarily, but they were certainly worn out in my CD player this year! Also, they are in no particular order, hence why they are not numbered...

Kevin Max-- The Imposter: What can I say? This is an incredible album! The songs are so honest and real and they cut down to the core. If you listen with an open heart and an open mind, you can truly cut down past all of your crap and realize that indeed, you are the imposter..."Oh, the imposter is me..."

Black-Eyed Peas-- Monkey Business: This is so much fun and happy, but the lyrics are great as well (although, I must say that while I liked "My Humps" when I got the CD, now it just gets on my nerves.) I'm really glad to see that they have been "truer" to themselves from the last album. I'm disappointed when groups put one thing on a CD, but change the song for their single (Like their last year's "Let's Get It Started" which on the CD was "Let's Get Retarded").

Jamie Cullum-- Chasing Tales: I must say that I just love Jamie Cullum! It's such a different style than I normally listen to (although I don't really have a "normal" style). His original songs are amazing, lyrically and musically and I love it when he puts a new touch on some familiar songs-- It's almost like it's a whole new song!

Tobymac--Welcome to Diverse City: I can't remember when this one came out particulary, but I know that it is in regular rotation in my CD player. The songs are great and I can identify with several of them most of the time. Every girl's break-up song should be his "Gone" and I know many pastors who should really listen to "Getaway Car"...I think Toby is a great songwriter, but I think that the Rap thing holds him back a little bit...

Little Shop of Horrors Soundtrack: I forgot how much I loved this musical! I saw it again this summer and brought back the whole story. Whenever I feel like I need or want to belt out some theatrical music, I put this one in and sing at the top of my lungs and pretend like I'm Audrey. I guess I'm just looking for my own Seymour...

Kelly Clarkson--Breakaway: I wasn't entirely a huge fan when she won AI (I didn't watch that year), but even her first CD didn't seem the best...But, I was impressed with the song Breakaway and who could avoid Since You Been Gone? And now Beacause of You...This has definately been worn out too. I would like to hear "Addicted" as the next single.

Relient K-- Mmhmm: Another amazing lyrical performace. I listen the the songs and wonder how they read my journal and got those ideas and feelings. I can't say that there's one single song that I like the best because I love it all. No matter when I listen to it and what mood I'm in, I can find something in every song to identify with "You took my heavy heart and You made it light..."

Riley Armstrong-- La Loop: I have been waiting for a new Riley Armstrong album for awhile and this one did not disappoint. He's got a slightly different sound and I think that his marriage/relationship had something to do with that. I would like to say that I would fall in love with the man who sang "Melting" to me.

Robbie Williams--Greatest Hits: How can you go wrong with Robbie? Having most of his greatest songs on 1 CD is incredible! I remembered why I loved such songs as "Angels" (THE ROBBIE VERSION!!! Jessica's is horrible) and "No Regrets" plus it was nice to hear some new music in anticipation for his new album (of which I still need to get!)

Morrissey--You are the Quarry: When the first song that is on the album is virtually saying that America is a big whore, you know what you're in for. I must say that "I Have Forgiven Jesus" inspired a lot of theological reflection for me and made me think about what that really means. I am very impressed with this album-- I wasn't a huge Morrissey fan before, but I am sold on his lyrics and style.



So, there's the list-- again, feel free to add your own to this or comment on my list!

I've been reading a bunch of people's top ten movie/CD/Book lists for the year and I thought that I needed to add my own. But, instead of just putting on my list those movies that were released this year, I'm going to create a top ten of movies that I saw this year that totally made movie watching worthwhile.

Rabbit Proof Fence-- An outstanding and beautiful true story of grisl who were sold into slavery, but managed to escape. Taking the story out of America and into Australia was obviously true to the story, but it was interesting to see that discrimination really happens all over the world and that it is a global problem and not a national problem.

Real Women Have Curves--A beautiful story and a glimpse into Latino culture, somewhat. It focused on a young woman's life story of trying to become her own person while trying to hold onto her family and their heritage, but not feeling directly connected to it at the same time.

Sometimes in April--A harsher look at the Rwandan conflict. It is not as forgiving and compassionate as Hotel Rwanda, but moving and emotional all the same. It tends to provide a more realistic flavor to the conflict as there are literally bodies piled up or we see the people shot. Eye-opening again...

Rent--I have loved the music since it was first released although I have yet to see it performed on stage. It was nice to see things brought to life that I had only pictured in my head, but also to hear some of the original voices as well.

Crash--Amazing...I'm not really sure what more to say other than racism still exists in our country. Beautifully crafted and wonderfully acted-- some of the actors actually played much different roles than they had previously played and it is a welcome change.

Jarhead--An honest depiction of war and what it does to people, but one could also watch the movie and see an honest depiction of war and what it does to people completely opposite of my view and be completely justified in their opinions.

Maria Full of Grace--Gorgeous! Also a glimpse into Latino culture and the struggles of immigrants and their desire to come into this country. When I ask the question of what I don't like about this country and what could possibly draw people here, I see something like this and see the allure of America.

Dear Frankie--Heartbreaking story of a mother who tries to cling to her son's innocence while he holds onto it just for his mother.

A Rumor of Angels--Another story of child-like innocence that is rekindled by an older grandmother type. A family story that brings a broken family back together.

Good Night and Good Luck--Wonderfully crafted and beautifully told story. I wish that I knew more about the era before I saw the movie, but it was excellent.



These movies were not necessarily chosen for any particularly outstanding performances or cinematography, per se...But, they were chosen because they have had a significant impact on my life, my entertainment, or my opinions. Please, share yours too! I'll be posting my CD list later this week...

I hate it when church gets in the way of Christmas!

So, I was having a conversation with my friend Daniel on Thursday and we were discussing two different articles that we read from 2 different newspapers, but both with the same basic story. It was about churches who will not be having services on Christmas Day. We were both perplexed at the implications of this decision. Now, I know that I've talked with other pastors who have been wavering about having services because their congregations didn't want to. I just can't understand why this is! The whole reason for Christmas is to celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. Christmas is not about family or opening presents, but it's about the birth of a baby who would save the world. I won't deny that family is important and something that is dear especially during Christmas, but to say that it's the centrality of the holiday is simply unbiblical. It was Jesus himself who said that we must leave our families in order to follow him. That is a very difficult thing to swallow and I know that I have a prof who said that taeching is the one teaching that he will not follow.

The implications of not having services goes beyond not celebrating the birth of Jesus, but by closing the church doors on one of the "high holy days", you are also telling those who may not have families (singles, widows, orphans, etc...) that their concerns are not important and once again, they have no place. The church is not just a place for families, but is a place for all who are seeking Jesus Christ and an honest relationship with Him. I don't know how any UMC could possibly say that they are truly "Open hearts, Open minds, Open doors" and then close their doors on Christmas day.

The other implication is that the congregations can pck and choose when to have the church open. One pastor in one of the articles basically said that the Christmas morning service would be the lowest attended, so why have services? Would you say the same to a small congregation with 20 people in service? "Well, you don't have enough people, so it doesn't make sense to ask God to come and join us..." That's basically what's being said. Jesus said, "Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I will be also..."

So, you can be assured that I will be in Christmas morning worship to celebrate the Incarnation of my Savior and rejoicing in the fact that a baby was born over 2000 years ago and still meets me daily. I do not say these things in order to make you feel guilty for not going to church...Only you can make yourself feel guilty about that. Nor do I say it to make myself seem or feel superior, but to share that Christmas is an important day in the life of our Church and as a Christian.

I went out shopping today on Black Friday. It's tradition-- my dad and I get up early every year and go out. We used to go around and collect all of the free stuff, but nobody does that anymore! Actually, this year there wasn't really anything in the ads that sparked my attention. So, I was trying to figure out what we would do if nobody had any shopping! Luckily my mom saved the day and sent us to Best Buy....It was pure craziness. We got at the store at 4:30, it opened at 5:00...It was freezing! I guess it's supposed to snow here sometime this afternoon . Anyway, I would assume that most people are aware that this is the busiest day in most stores and are aware of this fact especially as they leave the door in the morning, but it never ceases to amaze me that people think that store have an endless supply of the best deals in their ad! It's that good of a price for a reason folks! And I know that having worked in retail for 5 years, I'm more aware of those who work in retail and how you treat those who work in retail, because it is usually a thankless job. But, I counted 6 rude customers in the half an hour that we were in the store! If that pattern continues, that would mean that those employees would have around 100 rude customers in an 8 hour shift. People, be nice to them!

Second note: I saw Rent on Wednesday and it was fabulous! It was difficult for me to watch and not sing along because I love the music so much. It was jarring to see some songs get changed to dialogue, but I'm glad that the kept the rhyming quality to it and that the writers didn't change it to about the same thing. I was shocked at the number of tweens & younger teens that were in the audience. Most people there obviously did not know the story, and as a theatre/musical snob I was shocked and appalled at that! Let me clear some things up for you: Rent is about AIDS in 1989; there are 2 homosexual couples, and druge use. After Angel and Thom kissed for the first time (pretty central to the story and the characters) there was a gasp throughout the theatre...But, it was amazing! I'm considering going to see it again when I get back to Dayton, any takers?

I just finished watching the movie The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I went in with an open mind and an honest curiosity about the story. I will also admit my ignorance in the case itself and also my "fence" approach to the subject matter itself. I often question in cases of possesion how far we need to take that. In the movie, one of the demons in Emily makes the claim that it was inside Judas. If that is the case, is Judas then not responsible for his own actions? And if you take that further is no one responsible for their own actions, especially if they make the claim, "The devil made me do it." It seems highly dangerous to make such a claim and then be willing to believe that we, as human beings, have free will. Do we choose to let the demons inside of us and thereby choose to do bad things? Or is it just a matter of human nature?

I suppose some of these questions haunt me and some of the dialouge in the movie ahs opened up things inside of me that I would rather remain hidden. I have not shared most of the experiences that I am about to with people out of fear...Fear that people will think that I'm crazy for talking about them and for believing that they happend...Fear that I don't believe that they really happened to me either. I am more mystic in my spiritual journey and I have just recently come to that realization. I have explained in other places that I do not know the history or theories behind mysticism, but in my spiritual formation, I do practice mysticism. After sharing an experience with an older man that I greatly respect in intelligence and integrity, he looked at me in wonder and made the statement that I am one of the "highly sensitive ones." I brushed his comment off, but I heard it echoed in the movie this afternoon that there are such people who are born. It was stated that these highly sensitive are suceptible to both "good and evil"...Upon hearing that I was truly frightened and I suppose that's when this flood of "remembering" took place. I am not sharing an extensive list because I'm not ready to, quite honestly, and also because I am sure that there are many other things that have happened that I have brushed off as coincidence or explainable. And I don't share these because I want attention or that I want people to read what I have to say, I suppose by putting it on the Internet, in a form of public domain, I am making the statement publicly, that these things have happened. It helps me to force myself to admit them and realyl examine what that means for me and for my spiritual journey...

I can recall ever since I was a child having a connection with God and to be completely honest, I have never felt that I have been separate from God. There were times that I may have wanted to be separate and there were times that I felt so worthless that I asked God to take me away right then. But, I never told God to leave me and even in my teenage angst and "depression" I never pictured God abandoning me, but rather lifting me and carrying me on. I can often think of times when I heard God's voice and felt God's presence with me even though I didn't want to hear it or feel it.

The first vision that I really remember and I suppose to some extent accept, I don't think was particularly from God. I do think that it came from an evil force. Mostly because I cannot explain what it means. I call this the first vision because I was completely awake and concious. It came in a flash and in a time that was unexpected, but when I was alone. The form was simply a black winged horse in bright red flames. There was nothing more and there was no explanation for what it meant. In subsequent visions, God provides an explanation, not always right away, but in a reasonable time. This happened nearly 6 years ago and I have never received an explantion.

I had a dream when I began college in which a good friend of mine came to see me in a class. This friend and I had lost touch with one another when I graduated and he was still in high school. I knew him all through high school and although he had some significant problems of his own, he was on the right path now and was really trying to keep his life in order. The significance of this visit is that it came shortly after his death. In my dream, he visited me in class and told me that I was not listening and that there was a message for me to get. I told Jeremy that I was ready to hear it and he told me "No, you're not. You need to listen." Very shortly after that I fully accepted and publicly acknowledged my calling to ministry. That was what I was supposed to be listening for.

Over the next few years there would be significant visions and dreams...Speeches from God that would shape me and mold me. There was the "lightning bug vision" at ASP in which I will never forget and I have never heard the voice of God so insistant and so angry. An experience where God literally shoved me to the ground and with my face wet with tears and in the dirt, told me what I needed to hear. An experience that I share with many people and hold near to my heart. There are smaller visions that were actaully more "learning lessons" or things to share with other people, which I did as it seemed necessary.

Less than a year ago, I awoke from a semi-deep sleep in my dorm room at UTS. It didn't seem particularly unusual that I was awake, jsut another trip to the bathroom and a drink of water. And while this time didn't seem that unusual in nature, the circumstances did. I did not feel alone in my room and I turned all the lights and searched around, jsut in case there was some kind of a burglar that was in my room. Of course there wasn't, but I still wasn't satisfied. I went to bed still feeling this presence and I thought that this was as good a time as any to have a chat with God. As I was talking with God, this presence intensified and felt very evil. As I was chatting with God and asking for protection, I could feel the protection being given to me and without warning, I began to feel very sleepy...As I fell back to sleep I can almost swear that I heard a voice screaming as though it was falling into an abyss. This was not the last spiritual battle that I had in that room. Nor do I think it will be the last spiritual battle I will ever encoutner.

In Italy, we visited the small town of Frascati. This small village was gorgeous and the people were gathered all around. We were there to visit with the only non-Catholic church in the village and to share in their experience. As we continued to walk through the town and approached the center of the town, I was unable to continue. As we entered the piazza, I felt almost as though I was out of breath. At first, I ignored it think that it was because we had walked a distance, but it didn’t go away. It merely intensified. I literally felt as though my chest was being crushed and the oxygen was being sucked out of my lungs…Even as I stepped out of the center, the feeling didn’t go away. After walked through, I felt a wave of sadness overwhelm me. We continued on to diner, and while it was a wonderful meal filled with singing and laughter, I couldn’t shake the feelings. While walking back through, I felt the same, only stronger. It was as if I were dragging something behind me that was trying to “keep” me. While looking over the city of Rome, the sadness was still great and I was overwhelmed with tears. The piazza was the center of the city…where many Christians were martyred. There were skinned alive for their faith. We as Americans particularly, have not experienced persecution for our faith. While some may argue that the government could be persecuting us...But, we have never felt “real” persecution. But these Christians did and they died for their faith.

During the prayer circle following the piazza, I received 3 distinct visions from God. I shared them with members from my group who attempted to help me interpret them. The haunting thing is that one of the visions actually came true...One of the visions was of a yellow building with six windows, each in pairs of two. All of the windows were lit, except the middle left window. The bottom of the building was dark, and seemed insignificant. While were in Florence and admiring the magesty of the Duomo, I looked at the building across the street and felt my breath being taken away as I was staring at the exact building in my vision. I stared there until another one of the lights went out, still wondering what it all meant. I am still struggling with the meaning. I think that it means that I am called to Italy in some capacity, but I struggle with what that means. But, the Spirit was present and forced me to look at that building and gave me those visions in the circle.

So, what do these mean? I don't know...Sometimes I want to say that I made them up so that I don't feel crazy and so people don't think that I'm crazy either. I don't want this "gift" all of the time, but I feel so blessed to be given the responsibility. I am frightened that because I am open to God's voice, that other spirits will take advantage of that. But, on the other hand I'm not sure that I believe in "other spirits"...But, how can I choose to believe in one and not another? I don't know what it all means and I don't know what to do with it even if I did know what it all means...All I know is that there are some things that are beyond explanation. Perhaps this is one of them and perhaps, I should just listen for God to tell me what I need to know...

Done!

I just finished writing my comissioning statement in which I responded with, basically, my entire theology even though some of which I am still not completely clear or able to articulate to the best of my ability. I am excited to get this in the mail and I am so proud of the work that I have done for this. I know that this is important not only to complete the steps in the process, but to be able to truly understand my own personal theology. I know that it is not easy to find a denomination or a church or a group that fits your thoelogical ideals easliy, but I believe that I have done just that by being in the United Methodist Church. That doesn't mean that there are things that I don't disagree with or think that can be approached or done differently, but I am glad that God has placed me here for this particluar time and season.

Speaking of the UMC-- I'm heading down to Nashville this weekend to head up a meeting of YASN! I'm looking forward to this so much, not just to get the work done that we need to get done, but also to get to see some friends that I haven't seen in awhile! We are going to have so much fun, so if there's any Nashvillians, let me know where some of the hot spots are! We'll be at B.B. Kings on Friday night!

Ah!

Well, today started off beautifully, I'm getting curriculum ordered and planned for my last year with the youth group here and I'm working towards raising money and potentially planning a mission trip this summer (of which some things may be changing). Well, my new cat Lila has been sick-- so, I had to take her to the vet again today (not that I can completely afford to, but that's the responsibility that I took on! So, I'm getting ready to pay for the vet when my phone rang...

It was a number that I've never seen before and I wasn't sure who was calling me, but it was an (815) number, my home area code...So I answered and I started to have a wonderful conversation with the pastor who confirmed me and who has seen me through quite a bit of my calling into ministry. He is now the head of my district committee (dcom) which will (or will not) approve me through this process of ordination (long and drawn out-- if you're really interested I'll give you the details). Well, one of the things that I have to do is to meet with my dcom who will then approve me to go on to the Board of Ordained Ministry (boom). I have been expecting this to come at some time, but I haven't heard anything in awhile, so I decided just to wait...Well, I got the call today that I needed to get this meeting done before Oct. 1. Which, if just the meeting, it wouldn't be a big deal...But, I have to prepare my responses to the traditional questions, which is basically my theological statement on everything...Video tape a sermon (done)...and create a Bible Study...All before the end of the month...most likely in the next 2 weeks or so. And then the biggest problem...

He wants to schedule the meeting at the end of the month of September, which does work out nice because I'm off school, but I'm also working with the General Board of Higher Education and Ministry (GBHEM) in Nashville that week. Which, he said, will look excellent on my resume, but doesn't help our situation right now...So, he's looking into more options and I'm supposed to work on my answers to the questions...It's a great time...

But, the thing is that I'm going to get through this-- so many things have been preparing me along the way. I've already had to write my theological statement on ministry last year, so I can use much of that, and I've also done numerous theological papers and exegesis...Seminary does prepare you for this, or at least United has! And my sermons are already finished-- I just have to make sure that I can really use one that I have...It will be okay-- I had the momementary panic in the car on my way home, but it has passed and it will be okay. God has called me and won't let something like paperwork slow me down...

I AM There

Here is my sermon from this morning...If you have not heard it yet, I strongly reccommend that you go and download Third Day's newest song-- it is moving and heartbreaking, while comforting and needed at the same time...http://www.thirdday.com



Matthew 18:15-20

"If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.

But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them."





I AM There

A friend of mine once told me that there is one sure-fire way of preparing a sermon. He told me, “Prepare as though there is no Holy Spirit, but preach as though there’s nothing but the Holy Spirit.” I usually abide by this method of preaching, but the Holy Spirit usually pokes in quite frequently as I’m in preparation. As I began to meditate on the text from Matthew at the beginning of this week, I was drawn to the first four verses of the passage for today. I had things prepared to say and the Spirit was moving. Last night, I went back to look at the text and I was in a different place emotionally than I was at the beginning of the week. On Monday, I was still coming off of my trip to Italy…As we were leaving, this passage from Matthew was the exact passage that a couple of us shared together as we were coming off of spending over two weeks with the same people in very close proximity…So, the beginning of this passage was extremely applicable to where I had just come from and was struck the most by the beginning of the text…But, so much has happened in the in-between time. It seems like traveling for nearly 24 hours was a lifetime ago…We have been bombarded by news and images on TV about Hurricane Katrina. And I don’t know about you, but I am emotionally drained. I haven’t been able to make it through a newscast without breaking down in tears. I’ve listened to people in anguish telling their stories and looking for loved ones, I’ve seen people in desperation and trying to survive, and I’ve heard people in anger speak out against leadership and others. Watching a 10 minute broadcast can literally run the gamut of emotions.

So, I opened up to Matthew again last night…and the beginning of the passage, while still powerful in it’s own right was overshadowed by the last verse of this passage. I was just finishing up reflecting on this verse and getting ready to sit back down at my computer to make some minor tweaking…Or deleting of the sermon that I had previously written, when the little noise sounded that I had e-mail. I thought that I’d better check it out; otherwise that little flashing mailbox would distract me to no end…As I opened up my mailbox, the new message had the headline something to the effect of “Free Download”…Now, I normally delete those without a second thought, but I must have clicked the wrong button because this one opened up. It wasn’t a “junk” e-mail at all…It was actually a mass e-mail from the Christian band, Third Day. They invited me to come and download their newest single, “Cry Out to Jesus”. The story of this song is that it’s on their upcoming release, but was picked up by radio because of its message during the Hurricane. It is now being used by Worldvision in their public service announcements. This song was written and recorded long before even the threat of Hurricane Katrina, but the lyrics are poignant and fit directly…Let me read them to you…Cry Out To Jesus
Words by Mac Powell / Music by Third Day

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

(c) 2005 Consuming Fire Music / ASCAP. All rights administered by EMI
CMG Publishing. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

There were 2 versions of this song on the website…One is the album version and the other is the extended version. I downloaded both, but opened the extended version first…In between the verses of the song and instrumental breaks; there are commentaries and sound bites of various news stories and people who have been directly affected by Hurricane Katrina.

The first man in the opening of the song tells his story, which may be familiar to some, of how he was holding on to his wife when their home was split in half. As they climbed to the top of the house, he was trying his best to hold on to his wife’s hand but he couldn’t anymore and she told him simply… “Take care of the kids and the grandkids.” The reporter asked him where he was going next, and he said “I’m lost…That’s all I had…” As that sentence echoed in mind, it was replaced by the last verse from our passage this morning…Jesus said, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

This is a sentence that is repeated often in meetings, prayer circles, services…I’m sure that I’ve used it multiple times myself. You don’t even need to say the whole thing, but everybody always knows what you’re saying when you say, “Where 2 or 3 are gathered…”

Now, there are several things that are going on in this passage…You know Jesus, he likes to mix things up a little bit. This verse comes at the end of the passage where he is explaining to people how to handle disagreements or disputes within the church. He gives them specific instructions on how to handle them, the number of people to take with, who to involve and how to react. At the end of this passage, he says, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” So, in the midst of that dispute or disagreement, Jesus makes it clear to the people, that he will still be present. Jesus, God made flesh, will not disappear because there’s a little spat…He will still be present. It’s going to take a whole lot more for Jesus to not be present in the midst of life.

The other thing is the clever way that he makes that statement. “I am there among them.” Do you remember back in the Old Testament, when Moses first encountered God in a burning bush, what name God told Moses? God told Moses, “I am, I AM.” God’s name is “I AM”… And Jesus just said, “I am there among them.” I AM there among them…I AM there…I AM…It’s a bold claim, strong and daring, but so comforting at the same time. It’s comforting to know that God is with us at all times…No matter what happens in life. There can be the disputes or there can be something that’s exciting or something that’s mundane and ordinary….God is there…There can be those things that just take your breath away and those things that are so devastating that you can’t bear to talk about them or face what’s just happened…And God is there…There are devastating events that happen…And God is there…

I received an e-mail from a friend of mine who wanted to share a story of a friend of hers… This girl is a freshman at college in New Orleans and had just gotten there recently, dropped off by her grandparents when the news came in and she wanted to evacuate…Her grandparents didn’t have a cell phone and she didn’t have any way of contacting them, nor a car of her own. As she was trying to figure out what to do and where she could possibly go, a girl from down the hall popped her head in and asked this girl if she wanted to leave with her. They traveled east and staying with the driver’s family, safe. The new freshman was able to contact her grandparents and they were reunited with tears and many hugs. God is there…

It’s easy as we watch the news to wonder, where is God? Those questions arise all the time…We ask those questions in every “bad” situation…We asked those questions after the Tsunami, after earthquakes, after deaths of loved ones…After Hurricanes… Where is God? The answer, although simple…Is simply, God is there. God, the Great I AM is there…In the midst of chaos and tears…In the midst of smiles and hugs…In the midst of courage and fear…In the midst of hope and encouragement…God is there…

Race?

Race?

I can honestly say that I have not thought about a racial issue within this tragedy from Hurricane Katrina until last night as I listened to Kanye West's impassioned words and heartfelt criticism. For those of you who missed it, I'll paraphrase the best I can:
"You look at the TV screen and you see a black family and they're labeled as looting. Then you see a white family and they're labeled as looking for food...George W. Bush does not like black people."

My mouth was open for a few minutes and I know that they cut away quickly, but the "damage" had already been done. I found out this morning that the statement had been edited out of West Coast airings. But, I was struck not only by his words themselves, but the impassioned and heartfelt way that he said them. He seemed to be nervous about saying them, as though he knew what kind of storm could come from them. But, yet he knew what he had to say in order to protect and reflect his personal beliefs.

Then, this morning, I was checking the news through Dayton Daily News and this article popped up.

It's enough to make me wonder if there is even a kernal of truth to these allegations and hurt feelings. I am deeply saddened by all of the lose that has happened, but if this is a way that racism has reared its ugly head, my heart will be broken...

I just downloaded both versions of Third Day's new song-- "Cry Out to Jesus"....This song was recorded before Katrina, but it is strangely fitting and comforting. The extended version is very moving and as I listen to it, I am still in tears listening to the stories and voices and the tears in people's voices... I would highly reccommend that you download it immediately...

Third Day

Sites visited:
Basilica of San Giovani
Basilica of San Clemente
Roman Forum
Paul's Prison
Sacred Steps
ICF

Standing in front and in inside of these historic and ancient places is just incredible and breath-taking. It's difficult to put into words the experience of standing in places like Paul's Prison and San Clemente and feeling the enormous spiritual connection that is almost imbedded into these walls.

While there is this connection within the bricks and stone it is overshadowed by the helplessness and lack of connection in the eyes of the people. While this is the cradle of Western Christianity, it is not a Christian nation nor a nation of hope.

8-14-05

Sites visited:
Paul within the Walls
Refugee outreach

In a hopeless situation there is a little chance to see a glimmer. Standing the parking lot as some of the refugees were getting some dinner, there was an almost immediate presence of the Spirit with us. Not only with us, but in the entire place. These Afghan men should have no hope and shouls hate us as Americans. But, the don't...They welcomes us and invited us into their home, even though they were living in a parking lot. There was some hesitancy among the men to come forward because of their culture. But, as the "regular" homeless took their tea and left, it was just amazing to see the welcoming that the refugees extended...They extended their hospitality to us, their guests.
The language barrier was difficult to break and I know that some of the men really wanted to talk politics with us. But, I couldn't understand the question that one man was asking. I answered what I thought was the question, but I could tell by his expression that wasn't what he wanted to have answered, but he was frustrated with his English skills, so he simply said thank you. It made me sad to think that this man really wanted to know what I thought (especially me, as a woman), but we couldn't communicate well enough to be able to share.

Jacqueline was a woman from Spain who was visiting with the church. It tooks us awhile to realize it, but we could communicate fairky well in Spanish. As people around us were talking in Italian/Arabic/English, we were talking in "Spanglish". It was something comforting to both be ale to speaking in a "natural" language for both of us. She reached behind me and rubbed my back. It was a gentele and comforting...A move of friendship as though we had known each other for years, but really only a few minutes. But, clinging to what made us "similar" had given us a connection that was immediate.

At church, during worship, it was incredibly interesting/ironic to be worshipping in an Anglican church, but in a charasmatic service. As the service continued, they asked for people who needed prayer to come forward to pray. As these came foreward, I began to pray in my pew. Suddenly, I felt a hand clasp mine and draw me in. Krissie explained that the woman I was standing with was named Asta. Her husband Jobi took their daughter 2-3 years ago and she hasn't seen her since. Asta still comes faithfully to church and lays her concern at the altar. As Krissie and I prayed for Asta, I could feel her desperation and pain in the midst of her sobs. But, more importantly, I could feel her hope. Although he experience told her that he husband was not going to bring her daughter back doon, her faith told her to have hope.

I'll try and post most of my thoughts & reflections from my trip. It helps me, because I have to turn this in to the director of the program, so I want to make sure that I've said things the way that I really want to say them....

So, here goes!

8-12-05

Our trip began with delays. Our plane in Chicago was "broken" and un-flyable. It was just a minor problem in the scheme of things, although with planes, it's hard to tell when things are simply "minor." While it was frustrating and irritating to be delayed nearly 5 hours, there wasn't anything more that could be done! We put our trust in the pilot and the airline and because it wasn't safe, he choose not to fly. So, we were literally stuck. I could tell that this set-back was doing a number on Richie. He had not been interested in flying whatsoever and had even gone so far to tell me that he would need to be carried on the plane because there was no way that he could get on the plane sober. I felt helpless as I watched him grow more uneasy and really nothing that I could have said would have made a difference. So, I said nothing. I was frustrated as some of the other members of the group were picking no him about the flight. I suppose I'm more sensitive to other people's feelings to see that this delay wasn't just irritating to him, but it was frightening. I told him to go and call Leslie, his wife. He seemed much better after that, and boarded with us. It all worked out as 5 hours later we boarded our plane to Frankfurt. Not that this situation was "fun" and not frustrating, there was still nothing that could be done. We were literally at the mercy of the airline. It was a gentle reminder that flexibility is key on this trip. We can't control every moment and therefore things will happen that are beyong out control. Yes, it's frustrating, but it's not something taht we can't worth through.

Sites seen the first day:

Trevi Fountain
Paul's Gate
Piramide
Piazza Nouvona
Outside of: Colossieum & the Pantheon

Ah, it seems like this trip has just flown by, but at the same time it feels like forever since we left the states. Since I have been immersed in Italy, I have grown more fond of and more in love with the Italian culture. Things here seem so calm and patient. The people don't seem to really get into arguments or fights (except for the traffic situation!)

I am nowhere near getting ready to leave and I really think that I could spend at least another week here...Just to soak it all in and be in the atmosphere. But, the members of my group are more than rady to leave. And although I am not ready to leave Italy, I think that I am ready to leave the members of my group behind...They are wonderful people, but I've had just about enough. There is no way that I, as a blonde, could ever begin to think that I would really blend in and look like an Italian...I have no grandiose ideas that would happen. But, as soon as the members of my goup open their mouths it becomes so aparent that we are an American group. Tonight at dinner, I wanted to get up and leave because they were really being obnoxious. The server was trying her best to understand us in English, when Italian is her native tongue, the restaurant was very busy, and she was stretched to the max. But, they made comments and snide remarks about the service. I suppose some would see it as just commenting on the situation, but I certainly saw it as complaining and rude. Now, part of the problem and the reason could be that I am ready for a break, but there is some truth to the fact that we, as Americans, havea certain air about us. There is no question and there is no doubt about that, especially after this trip! I don't want to make it seem that I'm superior by any means, because I behave just as American as the next, but I do try and make myself aware of what I am doing...

So, everyone headed back to the hotel this evening for a rest, and I couldn't bring myself to spend time in a hotel when I have paid so much money to really experience Italy! I don't know, I suppse that some of it could be equated to my youth (Which it definately has in this group, as I am the youngest and made aware of that!), but I really can't be sure of that. Our translator/guide/interpretor was wonderful here in Florence, she planned out our day and showed us how to get places...She really was wonderful and I think because of our closeness in age, we clicked a lot...But, I think that my inner Italian was speaking as well! But, she and I walked through the market again while everyone else was resting and I really can't believe how smooth these Florence men are. I know that I could have bargained a little bit more for some of the things that I got, but I was so flattered by their remarks, that I just paid the extra, which I'm sure was part of their ploy!

But, this one this evening I think really took me...At least in terms of flattery. He was an artist in the streets, doing portraits and I tried not to make eye contact, because I was not too sure how far I was from the hotel and I had to meet the group for dinner (They were tired again, so I wandered alone this time...). But, he came right up to me and was completely complimentary and flattering that I agreed for him to draw my portrait, which he did a wonderful job on, I might add. But, as he was drawing, he gave me an insight into Italian men and what it was that they were doing. In some ways, it is not a ploy, but it is their way of showing affection. They don't just think things, they come out and say what it is that they are thinking. He asked if American men were the same and I said of course not! They tend to keep things inside...Nobody really talks to each other that much. I suppose that's a huge generalization, but there is some truth to it... He told me as I was leaving (And after I had paid him...) that he was sure that I was going to move to Italy and when I did, I would drive the men crazy. He held my hand and said that they would look into my eyes and just fall in love, and he knew that was true because he had just drawn them... Talk about melting! Now, yes it could have been a line, but let me tell you...It was a line that I didn't mind hearing. So, if I got taken, I guess it was worth it!

So, I suppose that's not really a "God moment", but it is no doubt and Italy moment!

Please pray for us as we travel back to the States on Sunday. After hearing about the several plane crashes, several in our group are very aprehensive about flying. So, pleace pray that they will have peace and comfort and that we will arrive on US soil safe and sound on Sunday night! God bless!

Florence!

Ah, Florence...It's so amazing to be in these places. Especially to be in these places once again! I can't even begin to tell you how amazed and awed I am by everything aroudn me. The churches/basilicas are just astounding. The people are so friendly, but yet so empty. The streets are filled with activity late into the night! It is just breath-taking!

I asked God for a soild sign tonight if I'm really being called here...I think that I received it, but I suppose I'm still fighting. There are so many implications with what that means and I really can't deal with them right now. I'm also not really sure if I heard it right or maybe I'm still putting to much of myself into the decision. God has put all the right people behind me, but yet I am still doubting. Why am I doubting? As I told someone tonight, I have a whole list of reasons why I shouldn't be here. But, there is one haunting me that this is the right place.... Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I still discern this voice.

God bless!

We are reunited once again! The team has been put back together and we are touring Florence for the next 3 days...Now, the group is not in solidarity as people are still sick and are also tired, so please continue to pray for us as we are still going to be together for another 4 days! Florence is an amazing city...I've been here once before only for a day, but things are coming back to me and it is simply amazing! I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this country! I swear, I really could move to Italy...But, there are some things in the way (more on those later!)

There were disctinct differences between Rome & Milan & Florence and it's been so interesting to see them just in our first few hours within the different cities. There is so much to take in and so much to see that you simply get dizzy and have to catch your breath! I am constantly amazed by what is happening in here.

I was a little dissappointed last night as the members of the group that I was with were "complaining" about the trip. The thing that I have to remember is that they are all married and have left their family behind. Right now, I don't have that obligation and I am free to travel without anything to think about. I suppose that makes me "lucky" in one respect, but it's also very lonely in another. Whenever I start to think about it...I get hit on by an Italian man...They are quite forward here! But, here in Florence...they are very, very smooth! I think I have blushed at least 3 times in the 3 hours that we've been here...Amazing!

More God moments when I return!

Milano!

I'm in Milan now! There are so many amazing stories to tell of our trip thus far. I'm limited in time, but I want to share them all with you! Let's just suffice it to say that God has been so amazing this journey. We have been so blessed to meet and work with the people that we have. I don't think that I have cried so much! There have been high points and low points, but the spirit has definately been moving. Please continue to pray for us! We'll be leaving Milano on Tuesday and heading into Florence, then flying out from Rome on Sunday!

I'll share more as time allows!

falling in the streets! So, I didn't know that it was going to rain in Milano today... and I chose to wear shoes that really aren't the smartest...We're heading back to the hotel after this, so I'll be able to rest and bandage my wounds and change my shoes! It's all good though...I don't really embarass easily, so it's not a big deal, I shrug it off and go!

Okay...One quick story!

Our last night in Rome, we decided that we would do some street evangelism. The last 2 days were really powerful and so we decided that it was time to listen to God's voice and do what God was telling us! But, as the day wore on people became more and more tired... Well, I had asked Chuck (our missionary guide) to call some people that he works with to meet us in Piazza Nouvona, where we would do some work. This is a very eclectic square and many many many people were there. But, again as the day wore on, people were getting very tired...This was also when one of our group became ill, but that's another story... So, it comes to the time when we're going to meet Lawrence & Ruben in the piazza and people start to say that they want to go home...Well, quite frankly I was ready too, but I felt guilty because I had specifically asked Chuck to call these people, so I and 3 others decided to stay behind. But, I had a bad attitude about it... I'm not gonna lie...and I kept running into Americans who were just downright nasty. I was ready to leave and I even told Justin (another missionary) that I thought it was dry tonight and I put my literature on the bench. Lawrence & Ruben were still going strong though. Then, I remembered Chuck's words before he left with the other half of the team... It was our job to encourage Lawrence & Ruben above everything else. So, Lawrence & Ruben were having a heated discussion with another Italian group, so I just went over behind them and started to pray. As their conversation became louder and more heated, another member of our group came over as well. As we were standing there, completely unaware of what was being said, a man on a skateboard came by. He was a Romanian refugee who was crippled and was roaming the piazza looking for handouts. He came over to our small little group and looked up at Richard & I. Richard insisted that he didn't have any money, but that's not what this man wanted. "Romanian" he simply stated and I wresteled with Richard's backpack until I found a tract that was in Romanian. I handed it to him and smiled... "Gracie a Dios!" he shouted with a huge grin and a bright face and continued on his way, never asking any of us for money. My heart was filled with joy and I thought that was why I was still there that night...If for nothing else, then to give that man something about God in his own language! But, there's more... Soon after that, I felt someone behind me. I turned and look and sad "Italiano" so I could give him a Gospel of John. He smiled and said "No, Russo" (Russian), well I rummaged through a few things and said that I didn't have anything and Richard said that he had gotten something before. Well, this man started to speak to me in Italian, thinking that I could understand, so I called Ruben over. Their conversation was warm and joyful and engaging. About 10 minutes into it, Ruben told me that I need to hear this man's testimony. He was sick for about 5 years and God healed him... He couldn't work or do anything, but God healed him! Now, all he wanted to do was praise and worship God. It was simply amazing. For that spell when I was extremely negative and wanting to leave, I left completely joy-filled and so happy to have stayed behind!

So, what is God telling me on this trip? God is calling me to Italy...But, I'm not exactly sure how yet. I don't know if it's long-term or short-term trips. I think that my own desires, hopes, and fears are clouding God's voice. So, as you remember the team in your prayers, please remember me specifically and ask that I hear God's voice clearly in the midst of the chaos. Thank you and God bless you!

Roma a Roma!

Rome is amazing! We are having a wonderful time seeing the sites of the city and of history. It's just as incredible to encounter the people that we are seeing. We have met so many beautiful people and we've really only been here for a couple days. This afternoon we'll be assisting in worship: some preaching, I'll be singing, and others doing various other things. It's just mind boggling to think that we're doing some of these things in Rome of all places.

It's also breath-taking to just see some of these ancient and historic sites. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue our journey!

Greetings to ya'll from Rome! It's amazing to be here in this city of amazing history and beauty and just an incredible atmosphere! It's hard to believe that we've been here just a couple days and yet still seen some of the things that we've seen. We are still in awe of the sites such as: Paul's Prison, the Forum, and various churches that we've been inside. This afternoon we'll be assisting in worship: Some preaching, some leading, and I'll be singing. It's so incredible to think that we'll be doing some of these things in a foregin country, let alone in Rome, Italy! Tonight, we'll be working with an Afghan refugee community, so please keep us in your prayers. I'm so grateful to be here and so insipired by this trip! On Wednesday, I'm hoping that I'll be able to re-create my profile picture, as we stop in the village of Orte. I have no idea where that stoop is because it was hidden amognst the alley ways and side streets, but God will provide!

Leaving!

I'm leaving bright and early tomorrow morning! If you are interested, I'm going to try and post some of my thoughts/experiences as I can on here.

Feel free to post coments/love everywhere and I will respond when I come back! God bless you!

Greetings to you in this humid August month! I am preparing for this same weather in Italy in just a few days. It is hard to believe that the trip is so close, but in less than a week, I will be exploring the streets of Rome and working with the refugees in Romanian camps.
There is a group of 7 representatives from United Theological Seminary and I have done most of the planning and arranging for this trip. We will be traveling to Rome, Milan, and Florence for a little over two weeks. During this time, we will be working with missionaries Chuck & Krissie Cilano in Rome. Exact details will be finalized once we meet with Chuck & Krissie for the first time, but we know that we will be working in some fashion in a Romanian refugee camp, Muslim homeless groups, working with various churches, and exploring Italian culture.
This is an exciting trip and a wonderful adventure to take. We will also be able to explore both the history of the early Christian churches, but also see the present of these churches. It is impossible to visit Rome and not see tome to the historic sites such as: the Forum, The Coliseum, and the Vatican. So, we will be able to explore those sites as well.
Our time in Milan and Florence will be spent viewing historical landmarks and engrossing ourselves in the Italian culture. We hope to be able to come back with a better understanding of what the Church is doing in Italy and how people actually live. In the beauty of the cities, it’s often easy to miss some of the “real life” and how people actually live in these places.
I thank you so much for your support of me and this trip. It is very encouraging to feel the support and to know that there are people who will be praying as we are on this journey. I look forward to sharing many stories when I return and, of course, many pictures as well! God bless you and please continue to keep this group in your prayers August 11- August 28

This weekend, I was surprised by two kids that I have watched grow up...They came to the church to hear me preach. Now, they are still young (6 & 4), but I was impressed that they were very well behaved in the church and they even paid attention... At one point in the sermon, I asked "Can you feel that heat?" and my sister later told me that Hannah (6) looked up at that point and shook her head and said, "No, I can't..." Out of the mouths of children...

Caleb (4) was laughing and dancing around after we were rushed inside becuase of the sudden rainstorm. ("Why are we getting out of the pool?" he asked, "We're already wet!")...I decided to share with him his favorite knock,knock joke... (Knock, knock. Who's there? Impatient cow. Impatient... Moo!) Always gets a laugh...So, I had to tell it about 3 times so that he could see if he would not laugh... Then, he wanted to test out his skills... I went through Knock, Knock, who's there? Banana... About 5 times before I decided to take matters in my own hands... Knock, Knock. Who's there? Banana. Orange who? .......Orange you glad I didn't say banana! To which he shrieked and said "I tricked you! I'm smarter than you!" It was a great time!

Then, there were the 3 2-year olds that were running around, looking at everything new... They were surprised at the water of the pool and when a stick fell from the tree it was amazing. Yes, it was truly amazing to see nature, but more importantly to see their reactions and feel their excitement! I was so impressed and in awe of what they were doing... I wanted to be 2 again and look at the world with that much wonder.

Children are wonderful... I love the way that things look through their eyes and how they are so honest, but yet they are not cruel or mean-spirited...Of course things change as they age and the world tells them they need to do things otherwise...But, still there is the sting of innocence that they have and that they pass on to the world. Even as teens, they are still clinging to that innocence by a string and wanting so much to hold onto that, but yet feeling like they should break into the adult world...

I spent the beginning of this week in a class on Blessing Based Spiritual Nurture where we talked about the spirituality of children and teens and how we as pastors, educators, parents, etc... can nurture that and encourage them to grow in their faith. It is a large responsibility to be the nurturer, but yet it is such a gift to be able to do so...

Flit and dart

Richie called me today and all is worked out with his trip! So, he will be going to Italy with me in a month...Good stuff and he was quite excited too...

It's funny how God works you know? I just spent a couple days at my uncle's lake in central Illinois and God and I had a little conversation. It was very odd to be awake early on a Sunday morning, but not be in a church. It's been so long since I've not been in church that I honestly can't even remember when that was...It's been at least 3 years... But, I held my own little worship service in the lake on Sunday afternoon. I know that there is no place that you can't worship God and that every moment should be in worship...But, there is something to be said for the community of believers, but this isn't my theology of worship right now...

As I was floating in the lake and singing some hymns to myself and meditating, I heard God's voice speak to me... And it suddenly occured to me how loud I have made my life so as to miss some of those times when God is speaking. As I was meditating and listening to God's message and words for me that morning, I recieved the first vision that I have had in a long time. I have been so negative about having visions that I almost feel as though I willed them away and told God that I didn't want them anymore...It was wrong and arrogant on my part and I am ashamed and sad that I treated my spiritual gift that way. The vision is still very personal right now and I am trying to work through all the details for myself... When the time is right, I know that I will share it... The message that I can share that God pressed upon me is one that I really needed to hear. It goes like this-- I was on this lake feeling insignificant and small when right beside me a dragonfly landed on my arm. I flapped my arm to get it off when it started to dart around and land here and there on the water. Of course, there were several around and I was somewhat annoyed that they were interrupting my time with God. Then, God's voice whispered in my ear... "Do you ever feel like that dragon fly?" A dragon fly? That's crazy-- how could I feel like a dragon fly? "Always darting around here and there?" Okay, I can see that... Sure I feel like a dragon fly, so what? "This water is faith and it is your spirituality and it is ME. By darting around and flitting everywhere, you are not able to take a long drink and really experience ME." But, I'm doing what YOU'VE called me to do. "Yes, but you are not experiencing ME in the way that you should... You fill up only when you have time to take a small drink and by doing that, you end up darting more than drinking. You need to drink ME more. Take time...The world is not yours to manage and things will happen around you...But, you don't have to take care of everything...By drinking ME in, you will have been doing what I have called you to do."

So...I will be looking at ways to really drink in and experience rather than flit and dart....

Empowerment!

Ah, summer is definately upon me as I bask in the glow of the computer screen and know that... I don't have any school work to be doing at this time! Of course that doesn't mean that I'm bored by any stretch of the imagination as I am getting ready to leave for Mississippi on Wednesday. I'm really excited about this conference and not just because I've been working on planning it, but because young adult seminarians from around the country are going to be gathering together to unite! And if you want to talk really and truly...Young Adult Seminarians from around the world (Dana is from Romania!). It's really exciting and I really just want to get down there. But, there are still some loose ends that I wish I could tie up right now, unfortunately the people that I need to talk with are already at our site in Jackson. So, hopefully we can get everything all straightened out by the time the event takes place. YASN is something that I'm passionate about and I know that GBHEM is proud of the work that we're doing, but I really wish that the Church would take notice. Not to take notice in order to gain attention, but to be encouraged that this is the new generation of leaders for the Church and we are excited to be here and we want them to be excited for us.

My ministry is based around empowering young people and I mean young people from children to tweens to teens to college age and beyond. These people need to know that they have a very important place in the Church and the Church needs to welcome them with open arms. I'm tired of churches who claim to want a children's or youth ministry, but when it comes time to actually do something, they back down. I'm not talking about any one church in specific as I hear this over and over from my friends and colleagues. It's very sad and it really breaks my heart. I believe that is why God has called me to this particular ministry. I've been there too and I know what it's like to be told that you can't do something and to feel like you're worthless. But nobody is worthless-- everybody has wonderful gifts and graces and talents and it's up to them how they use them. It's exciting to me when I see a young person's face light up because of something that they just learned about their faith. I know that children and youth have an amazing spirituality, but all too often they are told to suppress it and to hide it because it's not real or they're just being "cute"... It's not just being "cute"--- that's the Holy Spirit moving! If you would let your guard down once in a while, you'd act like that too! Remember that we're supposed to be like children! That means child-like and not child-ish!

Screech!

Okay folks... I was able to relive some of my childhood/adolescent history this weekend. Yes, that's right Dustin "Screech" Diamond was in Dayton this weekend doing a show. I saw Screech back in DBQ abour 2 years ago and I wasn't completely impressed. But, the show was the last one and he was pretty drunk...And really bitter. But, there wasn't much else happening in Dayton, so I rounded up my other Gen X friends and we hit up Jokers to see Screech.

I must say that I was pretty impressed with the show. We went to the early show, or the "church show" as he called it...Kinda of funny seeing as how 2 of us are pastors...Anyway, any thought that it would actually be "Screech" went out the window in the first 5 seconds. He came out on the stage and did a little Screech dance, the Screech stare, and shouted at the audience, "Great to see you f*ers!" His act was really good-- I'm not sure if he's grown since the 2 years that I've seen him or if being sober really helps with that! I'm not a comedy analyst by any stretch, but I thought that his act was really connected, there was nothing that was really left hanging out there.

After the show, he said he'd be out in the lobby taking pictures and signing autographs, so me being the nerd that I am... I got my picture taken! He charges $10 for a picture/autograph. I wasn't all about that, but he said that he takes some for the film, and the rest goes to charity-- he does a lot of charity work-- mostly working with substance abuse. Anyway, we made little small talk, nothing really exciting, but I talked to Screech!

Welcome back to about 6th grade...

Idol Chatter

Here is your Idol Chatter for last night folks! Enjoy!

Okay, can I say that Ryan's comments just annoy me? I don't
remember him being almost this nasty...His Anwar comment was completely uncalled for. And Clay? He seems like fame's gotten to him a little bit... He didn't seem all that happy to be there...

That being said-- on to the Idols!

Carrie-- Okay, I'm not a Carrie fan. I think she has a great voice, but 0 stage presence. This song should have been really good for her, but she was all over the place in terms of pitch. She started out flat and could never find the right key. It was refreshing to see her move a little bit and smile once in awhile. The judges were too easy on her-- especially Simon. I am so tired of him pimping her out! 5/10

Bo-- Can I just say that I love Bo? I was really surprised that he picked the Gavin Degraw song-- being such a "new" song. I thought that he did really well. I really like his voice, but there's something about his vibrato that gets me. He needs to watch that a little bit. But, I am glad that he's staying close to who he is. The bad side...the clothes. What was he wearing! The jeans... the jeans were nice-- they showed off his personality (from the back!). But, the glasses and poncho thing? Not necessary! 8/10 (he missed a couple point for the clothes!)

Anthony-- Picking a Celine song? What? I thought only Anwar sang the female songs!(yeah, that was uncalled for too...) Okay, ambitious choice no doubt. Not as horrible as I expected. Not great either... I finally realized that I think he sounds like Marc Anthony! His "miracle" piece-- may get him some votes, but do you really want sympathy votes? I think he's this year's John Stevens... 6/10

Vonzell-- Okay, she is very cute-- bubbly and sweet. She seems genuinely nice...Now, on to performance...Were Randy and Paula even in the same room? That was a complete mess! She was way pitchy. Every once in a while she would redeem herself, but then fall right back. It was a difficult song to pick, but she didn't nail it. I agree with Simon on this one. Rough night for Baby V! 4/10

Constantine-- Okay, I love Constantine too! At first I tried to deny it, but when he sang "I Think I Love You" way back, he was telling me to stop denying my feelings. Okay, Con is NOT the best vocalist in the competition. However, he is the most amazing performer. What he did last night was an amazing performance. I think he should have picked a different song, but I think he was trying to remind people that he could rock. I am so upset that Randy is so harsh on him-- he does not even give Con a chance-- he was seriously looking away with his chair pushed back from the table when Con was performing. What? Jerkface... Anyway, 7/10

Scott-- Okay, I am not a Scott fan. There's something about him that's a little creepy-- he has no personality (at least that he lets show!). But, I love the song that he choose. It's a gorgeous song and I was really waiting to see if he would do it justice. I was disappointed...Vocally not too bad, a little pitchy, but he could recover fairly well. With the things that he's said about his dad not believing in him and whatnot, it was a very disconnected song. He couldn't tap into the emotions of it because he couldn't connect. His "Average Joe" piece may help him in some ways (And showing his son, come on...let's use the kid to get votes!), but Simon's "Pack your bags" coment... I love it when Simon says that! He's usually right when he says that...Lindsay, Mikelah (thank God!), Nadia... 6/10

Overall, a rough night...So, based soley on that performance-- Bottom 3= Carrie, Vonzell, Scott with Vonzell going home. But, that's not how it's going to happen... It'll be Scott, Anthony, & Vonzell with Scott going home.

Look at me!

Okay, I'm not going to pretend that I don't like to be the center of attention, because the pure fact of the matter is that I love to be the center of attention. I like to have the focus on me in conversations whether the topic is on me or something that I have knowledge about. I can always find some way in which to draw the conversation so that I can "shine." It's a gift, an uncanny and beautiful gift... However, I have just learned that even when I'm not around, I still manage to be the center of attention and that distrubs me a little bit. A staff member at UTS recently asked me what my house looked like and when I was moving in. The question caught me a bit off guard because I had not told this person my housing arrangements for the next year. It was by no means a secret or something that I didn't want her to find out, but I just had not told her anything. So, I explained what was going on and asked how she knew. "Oh, we talked about you at the staff meeting today." What!?! She said that she couldn't remember what else they talked about, but that I was definately the topic of conversation for a good five or ten minutes. Now, for the staff at UTS to talk about me for 5-10 minutes just floors me. I did not realize that my place on this campus needed to be discussed in a staff meeting for 5-10 minutes... I mean don't they have better things to talk about? Here comes situation number 2... Tom Dozeman, one of the profs here said that he nominated me for an award to which I was surprised and gave him my appreciation. He then informed me that the rest of the faculty then had a 10-15 minute discussion about me. What!?! The faculty is discussing me and my place on this campus for 10-15 minutes. He didn't repeat what was said and he couldn't even remember the name of the award. But, I was floored once again. Doesn't the faculty have anything better to discuss? I guess because they are 2 strong bodies within this institution and I'm "just" a student here is why I am so surprised. I was completely flattered and honored this afternoon when I made my speech for student council chairperson when one of my favorite profs stood up and shouted, "Vote for Missy!" I swear that my cheeks must have turned pink at that point. I definately feel loved at this place and there is no longer a question in my mind that this is the right place for me and I plan on making the most of the time that I have left here.

So, I just have one more comment... if you are going to talk about me, just let me know and I will make all the arrangements that I possibly can to be present there, because I want to bask in the light of the attention as well... ;}

Where do I fit?

So, I brought dinner to a group of college students this evening and I was pretty psyched about it. I thought that it would be cool to be with a group of students around my own age and able to have relevant types of conversations. As I say within the group I suddenly felt very much older... It was very odd to be in group that I looked very similar to (age-wise), but that I talked so much older than. I've discovered that I'm in an interesting quandry where I don't fit in places. I didn't fit in with this group of college students because I'm not in that place in my life anymore. I also don't fit in with a lot of the seminary students because I'm not quite in the same place in my life there. It's a very awkward situation to be in and something that I hadn't really given much thought to before tonight. I don't want to go backwards in my life and return to my college days, but I don't want to be so far removed from them. I guess I didn't realize it so much when I was back in DBQ a few monthes ago because I was so consumed with catching up with friends. It's interesting to see at times, because I think that there are definately groups of college students that I do fit in with. Why do I have to be so weird?

Sabbath

I just spent the last couple of days in West Virginia at a friend's bed and breakfast. It was wonderful to spend a couple days in virtually the middle of nowhere. I got to catch up on some reading, relax, and be refreshed. My friends took care of me and really spoiled me by way of 3 wonderful home-cooked meals a day, a beautiful bedroom, and a bath tub... Yes, a bathtub! I had a little bit of adjustment to make to the quietness of the place and the area, but last night was amazing! I took a walk this morning through some of their property and came upon a scene that was truly a message for me. I wandered through the woods a little bit, and happened upon a small path down a pretty steep hill. It lead to a small creek with a tree stump appropriately by the running water. I sat there for a good amount of time in conversation with God about what it was that I was supposed to be doing and what it was that I wasn't doing...I questioned God about a couple things. As I sat and felt the tears running down my face at this creek, I felt compelled to turn to my left. As I did, I realized that this path lead further. I followed it a little bit, walking alongside the creek to a stream. The small creek emptied into a larger stream and surrounded by trees and other vegetation. It was as I was standing on the rocks in this creek that I realized the message I was looking for. I only look at the smaller things in life and I need to follow along to the bigger ideas. I didn't get an answer per se, but I did get the means to find and understand the ansewr that I may receive. As I followed the stream a little bit more, I found this beautiful little cave where I sat and pontificated a little bit more. Water was dripping down off the mouth of the cave and the stream was racing by and I have not been that peaceful in a long time. Praise God for the beautiful creation!!!!

I'm a junkie..

As most people who know me already know this piece of information, I am compelled to share it with the rest of the word... I am an American Idol junkie. I tried to avoid the craze, but I fell into the pressure the finale of the first season and I was hooked. I watched Clay & Ruben battle it out... Fantasia sweep up the stage and I learned the "Baptist Bounce" from George Huff! Now, Season 4 is fully underway and I am even more hooked than I was before. I have compiled my own top 10 list of how you know you're too addicted to American Idol...

10. When someone mentions that they saw "Constantine," you give them your thoughts about his rendition of "I think I Love You"... But they were talking about the movie...

9. You visit the Idol message board more than once a day

8. You tape the Idol episodes and watch them later in the week just to satisfy your fix

7. When someone even mentions American Idol in passing, you recite who the contestants are and the history of what they have sung...

6. You refer to your friends as "dawgs" and use the word "pitchy" and "aight" constantly...

5. You think that if you use the phrase "I don't mean to be rude but..." before you talk to people will make anything that comes out of your mouth okay...

4. You cancel all activities on Tuesday & Wednesday in order to watch Idol

3. You have the mp3's of the Idol performances and you listen to them constantly (or put them as your xanga background music...)

2. Your phone is busy for the 2 hours after Idol performances on Tues. night

1. You yell at the TV when the judges give an opinion contrary to yours or you yell at the TV (America) when one of your favorites is in the bottom 3 (or 2..) and really expect them to change their mind.

So, I won't tell you how many of those I really fit... But, it's more than 2... I am rooting for Bo Bice, but I am a little torn on this also. Bo is most definately my favorite contestant and I love his voice and just his whole stage presence... But, I think that he is better than the confines of Idol. So, as much as I'd like to see him win, I'd also like to see him really succeed... There is a good group of contestants this year as well as a far share of scandals... But, that's what makes it so exciting too! I will stop gushing over Idol, but rest assured that I will have more to say once the competition gets fiercer...

Grateful!

Gratitude is something that I am realizing that I have a difficult time with. It's not that I am not grateful for the things that I receive, because I most certainly am. I suppose that I should just learn to accept them as gifts and nothing more. The church that I am at is incredibly generous and more than once, I have been blessed to have been on the receiving end of some wonderfil gifts. An anonymous scholarship, money to purchase a robe, gas cards, dinners, etc, etc... I am so incredibly grateful for what I have been given and for the support that these people have given me and I would not trade it for the world. But, that's not what I do this for and I don't ever want to get that confused for myself or for others to understand. I don't work in the church for the money, because it's definately not there... I do it because God has called me to do this. But, I know that God provides support through whatever means are necessary. I am coming to grips with learning to jsut accept and not argue or refuse anything. It is difficult, because I feel like I should do something in return. Someone once told me, you already have. Perhaps it's not really gratitude, but a feeling of "worth"... I don't feel worthy of the gifts that I have been given and it makes me want to strive further to be worthy, but it's something that I never feel like I really acheive. But, in the meantime I will be more accepting and grateful of the things that I am given, because I am...More than anybody can ever know!

Open Minds

I had dinner tonight with two amazing people. It's funny to think that in the beginning, I would have ever pictured myself having a good time with them or even spending any time with them at all. But, I have and they are wonderful people..So incredibly generous and giving and willing to do anything that is needed. It made me wonder how many other people that I have "written off" over the years and cheated myself out of getting to know them. It's those snap decisions and first impressions that are so dangerous. If you snap to a decision without really getting to know a person, you can miss out on some amazing people. But, so often we are innundated with the phrase "you never get a second chance to make a first impression" or we let friends influence what we think about other people. I told a friend that I was going out to dinner with these people tonight and instead of saying have a good time, her response was, "You couldn't pay me to do that..." If I had kept that same opinion, I would be missing out on a lot of things. They have invited me for a few days to their bed and breakfast when I need refreshing and chances are that's going to come up soon. They invited to cook me dinner sometime in the next couple of weeks. In return, if they relocate to Northern IL, I am supposed to show them around and "adopt" them for a while. I am fully up to that! It's these kinds of life long relationships and friendships that I was looking for throughout seminary. Thank God that I have been able to open my mind in order to see people again and to build these relationships!

Announcement

The announcement was handed down to me personally on Saturday. I felt a strange privelege and honor as Ed asked me to make sure that his letter to the campus was okay. Then, he told me that I would be a great president here someday... That's a negative there, but he told me, "Don't sell yourself short." Anyway-- the announcement has been made: UTS has officially purchased the new property in Trotwood. We are the proud owners of the Jewish Community Center which in just a short time will be changed to: United Theological Seminary. This move is monumental and I have no qualms with the idea of moving in the slightest. I have spent 2 years on this campus and I have spent time in the buildings and I know that these buildings are no where near the best conidition and border on unsafe. However, this is home. I live here. The new campus does not have any dorms/apartments on campus. We have been given the option of living across the street at Maria Joseph Nursing Home, but those rooms are less than half of what we have now and do not include a kitchen. They would be great for our commuter students, but unfortunately no where near acceptable for those full time residents. I have felt a severe "brush off" as I have raised the questions and issues and have been told that I am supplying uneeded pressure. Un-needed pressure? This is where I live! I am in no financial position to be able to afford an apartment alone as most of my money goes to pay off my student loans and payments to the school. As I was talking with Ed, he addressed my concerns specificially and told me that it was possible that we could continue living here for at least another year, and in the mean time, they would be building housing on campus. But, when I pushed for a definate, he couldn't give it. So, I am still in the same place... I don't know-- I don't know where I will be living next year. I know that I will not be homeless, but I don't know what my options are and what the seminary will provide. It's the not know that gives off so much anxiety.