Book-It

Did anybody else have the book-it program when they were in elementary school? It was the program where you had to read so many books and if you did it, you got a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut...Plus there was a spiffy pin that you could put stickers on and everything! I can't remember how many books that you had to read, something like 5 or 6 maybe? Now, the reading program is based on minutes rather than books and if you read 600 minutes, you get a ticket into Great America...

Now, why are we encouraging minutes rather than books? Is it because kids are slower readers now or have books gotten bigger? Is it a boost of self-esteem for some to have read 600 minutes, but only say 3 books? And the prizes have gotten bigger too! Which is good to hear that larger corporations are more interested in getting kids to read! But, what is the rationale behind it all? If there are any who know the answer, please let me know!

Anyway, my original thought with this was that I wish the book-it program was for adults too! That would be pretty sweet! I'm so excited now that I get to read books that I really want to read rather than the books assigned to me. Now, don't misunderstand me, I read some incredible books in seminary and I know that I will use at least parts of most of them throughout my entire career! But, there were some that were real duds and there were some that I just didn't want to read at that time! Now, again I recognize the classics and I know that it's important to read the classic theologians, those who have helped to form the Church: Luther, Barth, Wesley, etc...But, what about those more recent who are speaking loudly and some would call the next Luther, Barth, or Wesley? At no point in my seminary career did a faculty member ever suggest I read a book by Brian McClaren, Donald Miller, or Rob Bell...Those names were never suggested! Yet, I know their names and I have been confiscating some of their materials...It felt shameful to be buying these books and looking at them so forlorn on the shelf because they were never opened...
Well, they have been opened now! I've decided that I'm only going to read one book at a time, so that I can truly relish in what's been written and savor every word...So far, I've loved what I've read and I wonder how in the world these have slipped by! Why don't more academics suggest these books???
I've finished reading the book, Nickle and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America...Fabulous book! It's the journey of an auther who took only minimum wage jobs to see if you can actually survive in America...Her finding was that you could not, even if you had two or three minimum wage jobs...While her book was not a "religious" or "Christian" book, there was a chunk of a chapter dedicated to her attending a revival...At this revival, her comment was, that Jesus was not invited in the tent, but rather left on the cross to be dead...There was nothing of mention of his ministry with the poor or oppressed...Amen, sister, Amen...This book would be an amazing book for an ethics class or a class dealing with mission/evangelism or just social justice! I'm going to e-mail a former prof and tell him that too...

I'm also in the midst of reading Bishop Joe Sprague's book Affirmations of a Dissenter...This book was written a few years ago from my former bishop (funny story about how one time I, as a teen, told him that he was wrong and that he had lied to our congregation...I'll tell in full sometime!)...Anyway, he lists some things in this book that he believes in and where he think that the Church is wrong...Some things he blantantly disagrees with the United Methodist Church about...That's why there was much controversy in my conference about the book...Many of my congregation members are still talking about it! Well, it's another one that has been sitting on my shelf for quite some time, but I've not read it until now...Yes, there are things in the book that I don't agree with...But overall, I think that it is very "post-modern" and certainly relatable to today! It's most definitely a "liberal" bent, so I can see why many people were upset...(ps-- he calls conservatives hypocrites and liars and from his evidence, he's not all that far off base...)But, this is another book that was never mentioned...Now, maybe it was at the token seminary in my conference, but still...This is a UM bishop who is speaking out against some of the beliefs of the United Methodist Church! Shouldn't some of this be discussed in seminaries??? Maybe it is elsewhere...Anyway, this is an excellent book and now when people ask me what I think about it, I can be able to give an informed opinion on it (once I'm finished)...

All this is to say that I am continuing my education in the way that I want to continue it...I am reading books that are relevant to modern culture as well as relevant to the specific place that I am in ministry...It's an awesome feeling to read something and go, "Oh, I see that happening here!" or "Oh, they believe that here!" There are still many books in my pile of what to read, so I'm no where near being finished...Nor is there a pile too big that I can't ask for more suggestions! If there is a book that you think that I should be reading, please tell me! Fiction, non-fiction, religious, political, etc...I'm open to EVERYTHING!!!

So...where's my free pizza?

Commercials Can Make You Think...

I was watching TV this evening...Well, actually I had it on in the background as I was coming down from the day...I'm so glad that tomorrow is my day off because I am worn out! Plus, my house is a disaster and I need to clean it up hardcore!

So, I was watching TV and I usually turn the channel when the commercials come on, but I didn't this time...And it was an anti-drunk driving commercial...I've seen quite a few of those since I've been back in Illinois, but this one really caught my attention...

It was a commercial where people were coming up to police officers and confessing that they were just too drunk to drive or that they were so "wasted" that the officers should pull them over...The gist of the commercial was that if it were this easy, maybe there wouldn't be so many fatalities...

Well, it got me to thinking (big shocker!)...Now, of course because of the subject matter, I began to think about alcohol...What alcohol does to people when the abuse it... I have seen and heard of too many people who were killed by drunk drivers...A good family friend, who was sober for over 20 years recently began drinking again...A short time after that, he was involved in an accident, where he was riding his motorcycle and hit a parked car...Fortunately, there were no fatalities, but he was severely injured and has once again declared his sobriety...He has taken charge of his own responsibility and recognizes that no one forced him to drink, although he tried to blame people...But as his body recovers, his Spirit is also injured...

So, that brings me to my other thought based on the commerical...What if all of life were like that commercial? People just started confessing things to the people that they needed to...Like for me, what if people just started coming up and telling of their pains and what they needed for healing...If people just randomly approached me on the street or in my office and said, "My heart is broken because of X...I need someone to tell me that I am loved." or "My faith is shaken because of X...I need to know where God is right now." Now, some will come in and ask these difficult questions, but others will keep silent and try and struggle on their own...It's so hard to do that...To struggle alone...There are others who are wanting and willing to join on your journey with you! Please let them!

So, it would make my life/job so much easier if people were just direct about their needs and hurts! Yet, are people even honest with themselves? Sometimes when I'm angry, I have to stop and ask myself if I'm angry about what I think I am or if there is something more? 7 times out of 10, it's not the thing that I'm saying that I'm angry about, but something deeper...Something that is connected to a deeper pain that I'm unwilling to admit to myself...It happens...

So, where does healing come from? Well, healing comes from many places...Yes, sometimes it comes in the form of professional help...Seeing a therapist or the like to be able to work through things with...Sometimes in the form of friends and family who are willing to be supportive...Sometimes it comes from forgiving yourself or others...Most times it comes from knowing that God loves you so very much....You are God's own!

It's not just a day job...

Well today was filled with pastor-ly duties! I was supposed to do a funeral this afternoon, but the family didn't come...It made me wonder what could possibly happen to have a family not come to a funeral! I had just talked with the family in the morning and we said that we would be there in the afternoon...I don't know...

Then, immediately following that, I had a wedding rehearsal for the wedding I'm officiating tomorrow! That lasted until 9:30...Between the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner...
All this happened on my day off! That's not supposed to happen! Although, I did take Tuesday off since it was my birthday...But, I'm worn out! I needed a day that I can sleep in and just play lazy and catch up! There's laundry piling up! It's rough to be all grown up I tell you!
So, I've been contemplating a few things over the past few days...Moving on and self-disclosure...

Moving on-- I talked with a friend of mine this afternoon about various things...He just started his first churches July 1 as well, although he's still a student...As we were talking, our conversation shifted to some things that we were involved with together...And my mouth shifted to talking about doing an event that I could come back for...I don't know why I said it, but I did...I think that a big part of me is realizing that I'm not going back to school. That's a big shift! I've been goign to school for the last 20 years and now I don't have to go to school in the fall! I mean, I'm certainly busy enough to know that I wouldn't have time to go to school in the fall! But, it's still difficult to realize that I'm not going back to school in the fall! I should be buying books and reading ahead for classes, but now I don't have to...I get to read books I want to read instead of what I'm required to read! Yet, it's difficult to cut those ties to the past...And there are some that I'm not sure should be cut...I don't know, maybe I'm wrong...My heart is sad when I hear about things that I worked so hard to build up are torn down in a matter of jsut a few weeks...But, I can't do much about it from here can I??

Self-disclosure--How much do I tell people about who I am? Literally, in the past week I have been asked nearly 10 times about my relationship status. I suppose that some of the congregation is feeling comfortable enough to ask that question, but seriously! No, I'm not currently in a relationship...I just moved back to the area! Do I want to be in one? Certainly I do, but I have to find someone who will deal with my crazy schedule, is comfortable being in a relationship with a pastor, is comfortable enough with his own identity to know who he is and is comfortable with me and my educational background...Someone who will pontificate with me, challenge me, and encourage me...Maybe my standards are too high, but I'm not going to lower them! Anyway, this has brought me to self-disclosure and how much to tell people...There are certainly some things that I don't want to share with the congregation and that I feel are none of their business, but yet they need to know that I am human and I have felt some of their pain as well...So, how much do I tell them without bearing all of my soul and being a basketcase to the congregations...

Ah, things to work through! Besides this personal reflection, I'm also preparing for the fall! There are some huge things coming up and I'm so excited about what's coming up! It's nice to be in this position and to have people excited about taking the next steps!

Just a year ago..

It was just a year ago that I was sitting in a small Italian village enjoying my birthday...I walked along the shore of the Mediteranian as the Italians enjoyed the holiday of the Assumption of Mary...I enjoyed tiramisu for breakfast...I had Italian coffee! It was a beautiful, beautiful day!
All of the beauty was slightly overshadowed of the day as we were in Frascati...That was the night where I had a powerful encounter with the Spirit and potentially some evil spirits as well...I'm not all that sure anymore...It was the night that I lost my breath in the town square and had never felt so much pain and sadness in my life. As my friends continued to celebrate around me at the Cantina, my eyes were filled with tears over what I had just experienced...There was part of me that didn't want to experience what I did and another part of me that wouldn't have changed anything. I have come to grips with the mystic that I am. The visions that I had that night are still a mystery to me...There were some things made clearer, like the eerieness of one of the visions actually coming true...But, I have not explored what they really mean. In some ways, I have pushed them out of my mind for fear of what they really mean...Yet, they are a part of me always and forever!

And I come to this day of my birth again...It's hard to believe that it's been a year already! The time has flown by so fast, but there has been so much that has happened in that year! I have traveled from here to half way across the world and back to across the nation and everywhere in between! I have completed my graduate education and received my Masters degree. I have begun my first appointment. I have been a part of some amazing groups filled with amazing people! I have healed the hurts that were a part of me...I have gained some new hurts to heal...I have loved more than I possibly thought that I could...I have despised more than I possibly thought that I could...I saw things in myself that I really liked and I saw things in myself that needed to change! A lot has happened in a year!

For the first time in three years, I am home again for my birthday...My mom & sister & I went shopping and I fell to my weakness (books!!)...In some ways I feel that I am right back where I belong and in others, my heart is looking elsewhere...I know that I am in the right place at this exact moment and where my journey will take me is yet unseen...

My heart cries back for Italy...February 2009 can't get here fast enough! Yet, there is time to wait and relish in what I have at this moment...I am truly, truly blessed...My heart is full...It is well with my soul

Reading More Into It

Have you ever done something from your past and thought that even though you were older, it would be just the same? But, it's not usually the same...The thing is that you've changed and grown or something else has changed...And there are times when you think that you should have let it live in the past where it was the best thing ever!

I went to Great America on Friday with my sister and it was a good time-- good to hang out with her again! I'm glad that I live closer that I'm able to do those kinds of things now! But, the park was not what I had remembered at all! Now, of course this trip comes on the tails of Disney World and King's Island, so that's something to take into consideration...But, the park just seemed so small! It's been quite some time since I've been there, so maybe my memory is just bad, or maybe it's just not as impressive as I once thought!

While Great America is a concrete example, there are some more abstract...While I've been back, I've tried to reconnect with people and see folks again and while most have been great experiences and I'm so glad to see people again! There have been some that I jsut go, "Why did I put myself through that?" There are those relationships that have changed because we have grown as individuals and friendships that are great in high school just aren't as strong anymore...But, then there are those that have changed and it has made them that much better! There are those friendships and relationships that maybe weren't that strong before, but are turning out to be awesome! And those people that I've lost touch with for one reason or another that come out of the blue and it's really exciting to think about the reconnection...

I know that I've changed a lot over the past three years...Being in seminary will do that to a person (hopefully!!)...I know that I have changed politically and theologically...But also personally. I am such a stronger person than I was three years ago and there are reasons for that which I have stated previously...I was talking with someone just the other night and as I was debriefing with myself in the car, I realized that the phrase that I said over and over was, "I'm not the same person...I've changed." Yes, it is true that I've changed...My spirituality is so much deeper-- I understand what is happening now-- I am a mystic who has visions and hears the voice of God....I say things sometimes that I can't picture myself saying "normally" but I know that God knows that sometimes there are people who need to hear those things...My independence is fiercer-- I've always been an independant person, but there was always a sense of dependance along with it. I'm able to do things now that I never thought possible...Sometimes it's little things like going to concerts by myself, going shopping by myself, or living by myself! I like doing those things and it's always great to have someone along with, but it's not something that I can't do without someone else! I am much more decisive...whenever a friend and I would call each other to get together and do something, we would hem and haw for a bit before one of us finally made a suggestion about what we wanted to do...Maybe that was part of my dependence that I wanted someone else to make a decision for me and I'd go along. I'm still easy going enough to go with the flow and if things need to change for someone else, I'm okay with that...But, there are certain things that I like my way and I'm not afraid to say it anymore. I know what I want! That's a good thing, yo!

Now, I know that I've expressed these changes before, but I think that it's good to re-evaluate and see where I am and why some of these things that I experience now are different...Well, it's because I am! I suppose that makes me a little nervous to do somethings because I don't want to have a bad taste in my mouth because of them...But, for everything that has changed that has been not-so-good, there are those that have changed and are better than I remember!

Back last week, I posted a blog about being Rome-sick...Oh I still am...I want to go back so bad! So, I've decided to take the bull by the horns! I'm going back tentatively February 2009...It sounds like a long time away, but it's really not all that far! It's a good chunk of time to save some money...It's off season so things aren't going to be all that expensive...And it's a non-busy time in the church! All good things! So, I'm serious if anyone is interested in going...I don't think that it's going to be mission oriented, although there are a few things that I'd like to do there! It's definitely going to be Rome, Florence, and at least one other city-- I'm thinking either Milan or Venice (maybe both!)...So, if you're interested, shot me a holla and we can plan together!!!

Two major thoughts...

Well, sometimes I have difficulty thinking about what to blog and other days it's an overwhelming number of things to talk about! So, I've got two major topics to cover today...

First: So, I'm reconnected to life again and I'm hearing all about the Mel Gibson controversy. I'm wondering why it's such a big deal...No, I don't condone his actions or think that whatever it was that he said was acceptable nor were his actions to be unpunished...However, why is this leading headline for the day? There are plenty of other things happening, yet what I see as the top story on most sites that I go to are about Mel Gibson...There are passing mentions to Fidel Castro or things that are happening around the world, but apparently none can compare to the Mel Gibson story. I'm curious as to why that is...Perhaps it justifies people's thoughts about The Passion being anti-semitic...I disagree with the theology that's presented in the movie, but when I have watched it, I recognize that it is a mainly "Catholic" movie...It's an atonement theory that I don't particularly buy into, but I know that most of society does...Maybe it's becuase we like to see those people that are put on pedestals fall and fall hard...Mel Gibson was on the top of the world-- the movie that no one thought would do anything grossed hundreds of millions of dollars...And it was a movie about Jesus Christ, no less! Maybe it goes along with the scandals involving priests...Again, no condoning their actions, but when a priest or a pastor is involved in a scandal, it makes front page news, if not nationally, then certainly locally...Why does our society like to see the religious fall? Is it to feel justified in their own sins and shortcomings...If a religious person did it, then maybe I'm not so bad? Well, the truth of the matter is...Pastors and preists and religous people are just as fallible as the "ordinary" person...Perhaps more so, because we know our own fallibility and are faced with it daily, both personally and publically. There's a line in the dc Talk song, "What if I Stumble"-- talks about hypocrisy being the one thing that an unbelieving world can't find believable...Why do so many religous people think that they are above falling? It happens...We stumble and we fall...We backslide...We are broken people. It is through the grace of God that we are saved and it is through the grace of God that we are loved through our shortcomings...Yet the public loves to point them out and glare them in our face. Yes, maybe it is deserved most of the time...Yes, we need a reality check once in awhile...But, please understand that "we" religious fall just as hard as the "rest."

The second thought ties in to that rant, I suppose...It's about the appropriatness of things...I suppose, the appropriatness of things especially as a pastor. I was talking with Charlotte last weekend about things that I can't wear around town anymore because I'm the pastor...Not that I ever dressed inappropriately, but some people have a hard time realizing that their pastor is a normal person. I was driving back from grocery shopping this evening and I passed by one of those sleazy "Brown Bag Video" places and it got me thinking...No, not that I should stop in...I was watching an episode of "Oz" during my lunch today and I realized that the blinds were open...It was the first time that I became concious that I really live in a fishbowl. Now there was no one around, but the truth is "Oz" has a lot of foul language and male nudity...I don't watch it for those reasons, but yet they are there...And I started to think about what DVDs in my collection I wouldn't want my parish to know that I watch...Which would be my "brown bag videos"...I suppose if I were that embaressed about them, I should just not watch them and get rid of them...But yet most of the DVDs that I own have stunning theological statements, even if they are inappropriate for church...Yet, would I leave them all out if I have a Bible study meeting in my living room. Yes, I am a pastor and yes I do watch rated R movies...Sometimes I laugh at inappropriate things...I listen to music that has swear words in it...And yes, on occaison I have been known to say those words in anger or frustration...I am a human being. Yet, there are certain things that as I pastor, I "should not do." When I've mentioned a particular music that I've listened to, my sister will sometimes say, "You can't listen to that, you're a pastor!" There's a line from Oz by Karem Said who is the Muslim Imam...He says, "Yes, I am a Muslim, I am Black, and I am a Man...And sometimes those things war with one another." I suppose that my tirade would go something like, "Yes, I am a Christian, I am a young adult, and I am a woman...And sometimes those things war with one another." In the end, though, my faith is stable...Just because I watch a show with nudity or listen to music with foul language does not mean that my Jesus is gone or that my faith is destroyed...Sometimes those things help me to shape my faith and understanding about who God is...

There are those people who either when they find out or they know that I am a pastor, they change their behavior around me...A man today wanted so bad to say, "half-assed" but instead stopped himself short and said "half....butt." It made me giggle inside...It doesn't make you less of a person because you swear...I won't send you to Hell for using a four letter word...Well, maybe I won't mean it...Also, in conversation there is certainly going to be the conversation of why someone doesn't go to church anymore or why they don't believe in organized religion or something of the like...Yes, I want to know your life story, but the parts that are important to you first...We can work to your thoughts of religion and faith as we get to know each other better. Of course I am concered with your faith life, but I want to know you first...

Ah, things that I'm learning and things that I've known for quite some time, but I'm seeing all new again...It's a great time to be learning...

I'm Reconnected...

Well, this title is both literal and philosophical...Yes, it is finally true...I am reconnected to the technology side of society! I am able to watch TV and surf the net...All good things, all good things...

Since I have not been connected, I have not been able to follow what's happening in the world...Gosh, there are so many disturbing things...It's sad to see the state of affairs around the world and to also know what hand the United States has played in them. Of course, it's not just the United States, but all of the citizens who are culpable...When will we all learn to live in peace? I suppose that it will be a long time before that happens...As the saying goes, "Can't we all just get along?"

Becuase I've been without cable, I've been watching some of the series DVDs that I have...Yes, that means I am once again obsessed with the show "Oz"...Everytime I watch it, I just realize how much I love this show! It's filled with people who are not "good" people...They're in prison for a reason...But yet, there are some who evoke compassion and I don't want them to be killed off! I wonder if it's a romanticism of prison life...There's a prison practically in my backyard right now and I am going to be getting a tour of it soon... I don't want to have the wrong ideas when I go into the facility, but I don't want to go in completely naive either. For those who have seen "Oz"...Apparently, this is a real life "Emerald City." No joke...

Things are still going well, crazy busyness has started to set in...My desk is a mess...I don't know where to start with everything...I'm not overwhelmed, I just don't know where to dive in...I want to jump in everywhere! But, I'm also trying to make clear what my boundaries are and what I will not do...It's a struggle for that sometimes because I do like things done a certain way and in order for that to happen, I would just do it myself. But there are things that are not particularly my job anymore...Maybe it's because they never really were, but I have established the boundary line...Now, it's just maintaining it!

Reconnected...Spiritually as well...I'm feeling very connected to God and keen on listening to God's calling. I'm fortaunate that there have been some wonderful mentors around me who are telling me that it's okay to take things slow...I don't have to solve the world's problems overnight. It's good to know that...I don't want to be "slacking" because I don't have a firm plan in place...But, I've only been here for a month...I don't have to have all of the answers...My most important job right now is to let the people know that I love them...Oh, and I do love them...Each and everyone is precious...

So, things are going well...I can't complain about anything except for this nagging tiredness...It'll go away eventually...Or maybe I'll learn to go to bed earlier!