Sabbath

I just spent the last couple of days in West Virginia at a friend's bed and breakfast. It was wonderful to spend a couple days in virtually the middle of nowhere. I got to catch up on some reading, relax, and be refreshed. My friends took care of me and really spoiled me by way of 3 wonderful home-cooked meals a day, a beautiful bedroom, and a bath tub... Yes, a bathtub! I had a little bit of adjustment to make to the quietness of the place and the area, but last night was amazing! I took a walk this morning through some of their property and came upon a scene that was truly a message for me. I wandered through the woods a little bit, and happened upon a small path down a pretty steep hill. It lead to a small creek with a tree stump appropriately by the running water. I sat there for a good amount of time in conversation with God about what it was that I was supposed to be doing and what it was that I wasn't doing...I questioned God about a couple things. As I sat and felt the tears running down my face at this creek, I felt compelled to turn to my left. As I did, I realized that this path lead further. I followed it a little bit, walking alongside the creek to a stream. The small creek emptied into a larger stream and surrounded by trees and other vegetation. It was as I was standing on the rocks in this creek that I realized the message I was looking for. I only look at the smaller things in life and I need to follow along to the bigger ideas. I didn't get an answer per se, but I did get the means to find and understand the ansewr that I may receive. As I followed the stream a little bit more, I found this beautiful little cave where I sat and pontificated a little bit more. Water was dripping down off the mouth of the cave and the stream was racing by and I have not been that peaceful in a long time. Praise God for the beautiful creation!!!!

I'm a junkie..

As most people who know me already know this piece of information, I am compelled to share it with the rest of the word... I am an American Idol junkie. I tried to avoid the craze, but I fell into the pressure the finale of the first season and I was hooked. I watched Clay & Ruben battle it out... Fantasia sweep up the stage and I learned the "Baptist Bounce" from George Huff! Now, Season 4 is fully underway and I am even more hooked than I was before. I have compiled my own top 10 list of how you know you're too addicted to American Idol...

10. When someone mentions that they saw "Constantine," you give them your thoughts about his rendition of "I think I Love You"... But they were talking about the movie...

9. You visit the Idol message board more than once a day

8. You tape the Idol episodes and watch them later in the week just to satisfy your fix

7. When someone even mentions American Idol in passing, you recite who the contestants are and the history of what they have sung...

6. You refer to your friends as "dawgs" and use the word "pitchy" and "aight" constantly...

5. You think that if you use the phrase "I don't mean to be rude but..." before you talk to people will make anything that comes out of your mouth okay...

4. You cancel all activities on Tuesday & Wednesday in order to watch Idol

3. You have the mp3's of the Idol performances and you listen to them constantly (or put them as your xanga background music...)

2. Your phone is busy for the 2 hours after Idol performances on Tues. night

1. You yell at the TV when the judges give an opinion contrary to yours or you yell at the TV (America) when one of your favorites is in the bottom 3 (or 2..) and really expect them to change their mind.

So, I won't tell you how many of those I really fit... But, it's more than 2... I am rooting for Bo Bice, but I am a little torn on this also. Bo is most definately my favorite contestant and I love his voice and just his whole stage presence... But, I think that he is better than the confines of Idol. So, as much as I'd like to see him win, I'd also like to see him really succeed... There is a good group of contestants this year as well as a far share of scandals... But, that's what makes it so exciting too! I will stop gushing over Idol, but rest assured that I will have more to say once the competition gets fiercer...

Grateful!

Gratitude is something that I am realizing that I have a difficult time with. It's not that I am not grateful for the things that I receive, because I most certainly am. I suppose that I should just learn to accept them as gifts and nothing more. The church that I am at is incredibly generous and more than once, I have been blessed to have been on the receiving end of some wonderfil gifts. An anonymous scholarship, money to purchase a robe, gas cards, dinners, etc, etc... I am so incredibly grateful for what I have been given and for the support that these people have given me and I would not trade it for the world. But, that's not what I do this for and I don't ever want to get that confused for myself or for others to understand. I don't work in the church for the money, because it's definately not there... I do it because God has called me to do this. But, I know that God provides support through whatever means are necessary. I am coming to grips with learning to jsut accept and not argue or refuse anything. It is difficult, because I feel like I should do something in return. Someone once told me, you already have. Perhaps it's not really gratitude, but a feeling of "worth"... I don't feel worthy of the gifts that I have been given and it makes me want to strive further to be worthy, but it's something that I never feel like I really acheive. But, in the meantime I will be more accepting and grateful of the things that I am given, because I am...More than anybody can ever know!

Open Minds

I had dinner tonight with two amazing people. It's funny to think that in the beginning, I would have ever pictured myself having a good time with them or even spending any time with them at all. But, I have and they are wonderful people..So incredibly generous and giving and willing to do anything that is needed. It made me wonder how many other people that I have "written off" over the years and cheated myself out of getting to know them. It's those snap decisions and first impressions that are so dangerous. If you snap to a decision without really getting to know a person, you can miss out on some amazing people. But, so often we are innundated with the phrase "you never get a second chance to make a first impression" or we let friends influence what we think about other people. I told a friend that I was going out to dinner with these people tonight and instead of saying have a good time, her response was, "You couldn't pay me to do that..." If I had kept that same opinion, I would be missing out on a lot of things. They have invited me for a few days to their bed and breakfast when I need refreshing and chances are that's going to come up soon. They invited to cook me dinner sometime in the next couple of weeks. In return, if they relocate to Northern IL, I am supposed to show them around and "adopt" them for a while. I am fully up to that! It's these kinds of life long relationships and friendships that I was looking for throughout seminary. Thank God that I have been able to open my mind in order to see people again and to build these relationships!