I got to hang out with Rob Bell last month & it was amazing...For a lot of reasons. First-- Rob. Bell. Second-- Laguna Beach. Third-- My soul...
I can go into a million things that struck me & that I learned & felt there & those things will no doubt come out here & there, but something weird happened... (ok, a lot weird happened...)
While Rob (we're on a first name basis) was giving the intro to our time together & was talking about reasons why people come to this event. I knew very clearly why I was at the last event that he did, but this one was a little bit fuzzy. Mostly why I was there was because Rob. Bell. & because last time I was in a really different head space & I was hoping to hear things differently this time. (which absolutely happened!). But as he was describing reasons why people have come in the past, I started to think about why I might be there-- beyond what my intentions were...
Not even 10 minutes into the 2 days, I was knocked completely over when I heard a still small voice tell me, "I want you to quit things..." After I felt my breath come back again, I felt completely at peace with the things that I was going to quit, but I had absolutely no idea why...Nothing about it made sense, but it felt so absolutely right... I had to wrestle with the reasons why this was going to happen.
It was awkward sitting there listening to Rob talk about taking a risk & here I was sitting in a place where I didn't even know a risk was coming... Now, to be fair, I don't feel like it's as life changing a risk as others were describing why they were there or risks they were experiencing... I'm not quitting my job, I'm not leaving ministry, I'm not wanting to leave my church to start a new one, heck-- I'm not even wanting to write a book! In the scheme of things, it's something so small...but actually a big deal to me...
As Rob was talking about risk, I was silently agreeing with everything he was saying, knowing in the back of mind this thing was bubbling...when I got what seemed like a completely random message... And suddenly all of those things I'd been silently agreeing about risk were thrown in my face as if to say, "Well, you said this was a good idea...now you have to do it."
It's taken me a while to make that leap...And even though I've always felt really confident in the decisions, I was really hesitant... And to be completely honest the things that pushed me to take the leap are really, really silly...But leap I did...
And while the risk doesn't feel extreme... Really, truly... I have butterflies in my stomach that have reignited something...And I honestly am not even sure what that something really, truly is... I remember Rob saying, "You don't have to know 2, 3, & 4... You just need to know 1." I only know 1... But it feels really, really awesome...
So, here we go... Step 1... Whatever Step 2 looks like... I guess I'll figure it out later. But, let's climb this mountain.
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Saturday, October 06, 2012
Dancing with the waves
As I have said before, the water holds some mystical properties to me...As I shared the experience I had in the ocean on my first day in California, there were certainly more...
On an extra long lunch break from the event that brought me out here in the first place...Many were going surfing, but I decided to just spend the time on the beach & wandering around town.
I came to a familiar beach...it was one that I visited with my family on one of the many beach tours that we've done. It was a somewhat familiar place in as much as I've been there before...But not in the way that I knew the terrain.
So, I stood next to the ocean, holding my long dress so it wouldn't get drenched (as had been a regular occurrence over the past few days. I stood in prayerful meditation...no song came across my lips...just a call to pay attention...And so, pay attention, I tried!
Here's what happened....I stood on the beach with the waves flowing in...As they crashed on the shore, some crashed a little closer to me than I wanted....I mean, I was still going back to the event...I didn't want to spend the afternoon with a wet dress!
And so, the ocean & I did this little dance with one another...I would stand and step back when the waves seemed to be too close or move in closer when they seemed further away...It was a beautiful little dance that we were doing...And it was a dance that I was getting to be pretty good at...I knew where the steps were & I could anticipate when to move & when not....Until, well...I didn't...And a wave came in fast and yes, caught me off guard and soaked the bottom of my dress.
Well, the truth is...if you're going to dance with the waves of the ocean, that's one of the possible outcomes, right? You might get a little wet...And truth be told, if you don't get a little wet...were you really dancing at all?
Pay attention...Those were the words in my soul...Pay attention. Was it to pay attention to not get wet? No, I don't think so...Pay attention.
What if the waves are metaphorical? Are there any waves in your life that you're dancing with or maybe even dancing in? Are there any situations that you're avoiding either out of fear or sadness or maybe for another reason? What is the wave that you're dancing with? Is it better to know in the dance that you're going to get a little wet? And it's ok...The sun will shine and dry you...
The dance can only go so long before someone gets tired...And the ocean doesn't seem to tire very easily...So, join the dance & don't be afraid to get a little wet.
On an extra long lunch break from the event that brought me out here in the first place...Many were going surfing, but I decided to just spend the time on the beach & wandering around town.
I came to a familiar beach...it was one that I visited with my family on one of the many beach tours that we've done. It was a somewhat familiar place in as much as I've been there before...But not in the way that I knew the terrain.
So, I stood next to the ocean, holding my long dress so it wouldn't get drenched (as had been a regular occurrence over the past few days. I stood in prayerful meditation...no song came across my lips...just a call to pay attention...And so, pay attention, I tried!
Here's what happened....I stood on the beach with the waves flowing in...As they crashed on the shore, some crashed a little closer to me than I wanted....I mean, I was still going back to the event...I didn't want to spend the afternoon with a wet dress!
And so, the ocean & I did this little dance with one another...I would stand and step back when the waves seemed to be too close or move in closer when they seemed further away...It was a beautiful little dance that we were doing...And it was a dance that I was getting to be pretty good at...I knew where the steps were & I could anticipate when to move & when not....Until, well...I didn't...And a wave came in fast and yes, caught me off guard and soaked the bottom of my dress.
Well, the truth is...if you're going to dance with the waves of the ocean, that's one of the possible outcomes, right? You might get a little wet...And truth be told, if you don't get a little wet...were you really dancing at all?
Pay attention...Those were the words in my soul...Pay attention. Was it to pay attention to not get wet? No, I don't think so...Pay attention.
What if the waves are metaphorical? Are there any waves in your life that you're dancing with or maybe even dancing in? Are there any situations that you're avoiding either out of fear or sadness or maybe for another reason? What is the wave that you're dancing with? Is it better to know in the dance that you're going to get a little wet? And it's ok...The sun will shine and dry you...
The dance can only go so long before someone gets tired...And the ocean doesn't seem to tire very easily...So, join the dance & don't be afraid to get a little wet.
Friday, October 05, 2012
And Are We Yet Alive?
Water has magical, mystical, healing powers for me...Whenever I feel myself depleted, I know that I need to find a body of water to breathe next to...It's the place that I can block everything else out and just simply listen for that still, small voice that whispers sweet words of grace to my soul.
As I stood on the beach the first day I arrived in California, I could immediately feel a warmth (that wasn't just the sun) and presence that was offering healing to my soul that for the last year has been ripped & torn apart in ways that I'm still discovering.
The very first day, I sat staring out at the waves and feeling the sand, a hymn came to my mind & it took me awhile to figure out the words to go with the tune...But soon I began to sing, "And Are We Yet Alive?" It's a hymn that I'm not altogether too familiar with (in the fact that I don't really know all of the words...)...But the words began to ring in my spirit & flow out of my mouth... "And are we yet alive? la la la ...Glory & praise & honor be as that above...What trials have we known since we assembled last? And are we yet alive?" Those are the only words that were able to be found...I'm not even sure if some of them are right! But, it was the song that was in my soul...It was the song that needed to find it's way to my mouth...
I remember talking with Jonette often about life...She would often tell me, "When you move to California, I just know that everything will just fall into place." Now, I'm not moving to California tomorrow...But her words rang in my spirit...And the truth is, everything in life seems to make sense when I'm here in California. Life just makes sense. I just make sense. Is it because I'm away from normality? Is it because of the mystical powers of the ocean? Is it a state of mind? I can't answer that...As I stood in the ocean, I can tell you that life just made sense. And in a mystical, spiritual way, Jonette was standing next to me whispering, "Everything will just fall into place."
The question that is ringing in me....And are we yet alive? I have been in the process of just holding on this past year...My soul has been shattered in so many ways & I feel like this trip, I've been finding the broken pieces of my soul in various & surprising places throughout California...But truthfully, not all...I feel like I'm on a journey to find the rest of them...And I'm committed to this journey.
As I stood on the beach the first day I arrived in California, I could immediately feel a warmth (that wasn't just the sun) and presence that was offering healing to my soul that for the last year has been ripped & torn apart in ways that I'm still discovering.
The very first day, I sat staring out at the waves and feeling the sand, a hymn came to my mind & it took me awhile to figure out the words to go with the tune...But soon I began to sing, "And Are We Yet Alive?" It's a hymn that I'm not altogether too familiar with (in the fact that I don't really know all of the words...)...But the words began to ring in my spirit & flow out of my mouth... "And are we yet alive? la la la ...Glory & praise & honor be as that above...What trials have we known since we assembled last? And are we yet alive?" Those are the only words that were able to be found...I'm not even sure if some of them are right! But, it was the song that was in my soul...It was the song that needed to find it's way to my mouth...
I remember talking with Jonette often about life...She would often tell me, "When you move to California, I just know that everything will just fall into place." Now, I'm not moving to California tomorrow...But her words rang in my spirit...And the truth is, everything in life seems to make sense when I'm here in California. Life just makes sense. I just make sense. Is it because I'm away from normality? Is it because of the mystical powers of the ocean? Is it a state of mind? I can't answer that...As I stood in the ocean, I can tell you that life just made sense. And in a mystical, spiritual way, Jonette was standing next to me whispering, "Everything will just fall into place."
The question that is ringing in me....And are we yet alive? I have been in the process of just holding on this past year...My soul has been shattered in so many ways & I feel like this trip, I've been finding the broken pieces of my soul in various & surprising places throughout California...But truthfully, not all...I feel like I'm on a journey to find the rest of them...And I'm committed to this journey.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Music is the speech of angels...
I'm going to sing during worship on Sunday....One of my favorite Christmas songs...Breath of Heaven written & sung by Amy Grant. I love this song not just because it's a song that fits comfortably in my range, and the melody is lovely...
I love the song because of the lyrics and the description of a prayer from Mary..."Breath of heaven hold me together, be forever near me..." How often do we all pray that prayer? For God to be closer to us because we might be frightened or in a pit of deep grief...
"Do you wonder as you watch my face if a wiser one should have had my place?" As we have all been called by God for one thing or another-- some as pastors, some as teachers, some as doctors, some as warehouse managers....Don't we all have moments of doubt if we are the right person for whatever task it is? And even if it's not a profession, but a mission project or opportunity...Don't we all feel inadequate at times?
I heard a quote once, "Music is said to be the speech of angels because nothing else sounds as sweet." There are times when a song describes my being and my spirit in ways that words just don't seem to be adequate. I love it when I can listen to a song and go, "That's what I'm saying!" or a song just sings my soul in ways that I didn't even know existed.
What are some of your soul songs?
I love the song because of the lyrics and the description of a prayer from Mary..."Breath of heaven hold me together, be forever near me..." How often do we all pray that prayer? For God to be closer to us because we might be frightened or in a pit of deep grief...
"Do you wonder as you watch my face if a wiser one should have had my place?" As we have all been called by God for one thing or another-- some as pastors, some as teachers, some as doctors, some as warehouse managers....Don't we all have moments of doubt if we are the right person for whatever task it is? And even if it's not a profession, but a mission project or opportunity...Don't we all feel inadequate at times?
I heard a quote once, "Music is said to be the speech of angels because nothing else sounds as sweet." There are times when a song describes my being and my spirit in ways that words just don't seem to be adequate. I love it when I can listen to a song and go, "That's what I'm saying!" or a song just sings my soul in ways that I didn't even know existed.
What are some of your soul songs?
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