Manipulation

I'm getting to the point where I am truly sad and angry at the use of manipulation. Why do people use manipulation in order to get their points across?

A friend of mine was talking about a former boyfriend and why she didn't break up with him sooner was because he told her he would kill himself. What kind of relationship is that based on? So, you guilt the other person into staying with you in order to save them? It is not your job to be their saviour. It's been said many times, but anyone who makes you feel like crap is not worth your time! You deserve so much better than that! I was completely taken aback by that story and I began to wonder what I would do if I were in that situation.

I do not appreciate being threatened into doing something, so to be threatened that someone would take theit own life in order to get what they want would turn me off completely. First of all, it is NOT my fault should you decide that suicide is the only option. You have conciously made that decision and my actions, while they can affect your feelings, do not make your decision for you. Second of all, I would not simply leave, but suggest avenues of help such as therapy or counseling. Again, it is up to you to change this behavior... I would not hold someone's hand in hopes that they might change... Third, I will not change for a person! As Popeye once said, "I am who I am and that's all that I am..." I will never ask another person to change who they are for me, so why would I think that I would change for another person. If there has been a dramatic shift in personality or actions, there is something more significant going on and yes, I do think that it should be addressed. However, the shift may be caused by your feelings of the other person.

Manipulation is such a dirty word and all too often we are sucked into this game. I have a reputation of wanting what I want when I want it... But, I would not manipulate someone into getting what I want. I have far much more respect for other people and for the feelings of other people. If you need to make yourself feel more powerful by manipulating and controling people, that is just sick and I do not want anything to do with you.

Any ladies or men that are in this situation out there, realize that there are people who do NOT manipulate and really do care about you and want to see you happy. Please know that and find what it is that you need to do for yourself. Don't let one person's sickness bleed onto your own.

Privacy?

Here is an ethical dilemma that several other pastors and I have been considering and pondering over… It is an issue that is not limited to the church, but also to anybody. How much privacy are you entitled to on the Internet? We heard from several people that assumed that because their site was password protected or they had not given out the name to their site, that they were able to post whatever they wanted to without a threat of someone finding out. They were shocked and amazed that some of us had accessed their sites. If someone tells you that you are “not allowed” to view their site, blog, profile, etc… How do you handle that? In some cases, I have complied with these instructions. I worked with an individual who almost severed ties with his family because they discovered his online journal. He could simply not understand how he did not have the right to post whatever he wanted without the repercussions of people seeing them! I have never assumed a right to privacy when posting things on the internet. I would never post anything that I would not want others to see. There are some things that are better kept to paper journals. However, I have also used these types of sites to express my rants and raves for the day or for the time… I have always been very careful to not use specifics about the situations or names should I not want that person or persons to find out or if I would not share it with another person. So, the question comes, you as being an internet user, how much privacy do you assume or do you not assume. Do you take measures to protect that privacy, for example not participating in IM, message boards, journals, profiling or the like (the obvious answer is no, seeing as how you are on this site). Is there an age that you advocate being appropriate to using these sites? Most push for the age to be 13, but is that too young or too old? This is not just an issue for “younger” or “kids”, but is also assumed with older people as well. Some of the people in the conversation that assumed a right to privacy were twice my age… I would love to hear any and all comments on this particular issue! Please feel free to message me, should you not want them to be public, but rather would like to keep them private. I would also like to eventually use these in a public presentation, so I would need to have your direct permission should that ever happen. This particular question is not one that has arisen out of a particular situation or person, but one that plagues the digital culture, so please do not assume that I have a particular site, person, or instance. Thanks!!!!