I got called a harlot today.

Yep...that's right. I was called a harlot. For those that missed this paneradventure, here it is. 

Paneradventure in Walmart

I was minding my own business looking for excedrine when this interaction took place:

W: Honey, I want you to know that Jesus loves you very much.

Me: Oh…well, thank you.

W: No, I mean it…it’s something that you really need to know.

Me: Well, I do…so, thanks.

W: it’s just that…Jesus really loves the harlots of this world.

Me: Ummmm…did you just call me a harlot?

W: Sweetie, you have that harlot look to you.

Me: I’m not sure what a harlot look is, but…thank God Jesus loves all of us.

W: Amen! Have a good day!

Here's some of my reflections on what happened...

First--I have received righteous indignation on my behalf...this story made people angry... I, myself, was not offended. What doesn't come across incredibly well in black & white is that this woman did not come to me angry or bitter, but truly with compassion...she really wanted me to know that Jesus loves me. (Truthfully, I didn't know people actually still used to word harlot...apparently that's a thing?)

Second--I have been praised for being so kind... One could argue that posting this conversation on various social media outlets is not kind. (And I might not disagree with you...). Because I was not offended, I really did find this hilarious...as I was leaving the store, people must have thought I was a little crazy for cracking myself up...

Here's what my thoughts on the event known as "harlotgate" are...

This woman was doing what she was doing out of love. Yes, her method might be a little questionable...but she was telling me about a Jesus she has found to love her. I didn't ask her what her story was...I didn't ask how she came to love Jesus & want to tell others about him. My guess is that if I would have, I might understand this conversation a whole lot better. 

People like this make my job a lot harder. If she had said this to someone else, the outcome might have been very different. (and let's be honest...she probably has...).  To be labeled as something you're not can be detrimental & damaging to someone's faith journey. Please be careful of the words that you choose...please be careful of how you represent God...this is not to cause fear, but remember how you approach a person. Personally, I come from an understanding that everyone reflects the image of God & that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Grounding my conversation (hopefully) in these truths help me to enter into a conversation very differently. I also understand that everyone has a story of how they are who they are. You didn't just wake up one morning the person that you are...understanding people's stories helps to know who they are without applying your label to them. 

I have said to a few friends recently that I offer grace much more easily to people I might label more conservative or fundamentalist or Evangelical... Because I know that journey well.  I didn't always believe that nothing can separate us from God's love...I didn't always belive that people are created in the image of God...I didn't always believe it was important to know peoples' stories...I didn't always believe that God was a God of grace & forgiveness...I know the God that they might be referring to & I loved that God deeply...I might have had some of the same conversations that woman had with me today... In this journey, God did not change... But I did. And my understanding of who God is & how to share that message has changed dramatically over the years. It doesn't mean that I expect everyone to have the same experience that I did or that I assume I am "further along" than others (Not. True.)... 

What I will keep doing is this-- share the love of God with anyone I meet. In words or in actions...help to teach others to be mindful of what they say & do...keep encouraging others to share their faith & why they love God so much... I will also keep exploring to try & understand more & more why God loves a harlot like me.

Lenten Disciplines

Not as sexy of a title as my last blog post... but, you know...

So, Lent is here as Ash Wednesday kicks this season off.  Yay Ash Wednesday!

During this 40 day period, people will often give something up as a spiritual discipline... Symbolizing a sacrifice like Christ's sacrifice on the cross.  The intent is to give up something that might be difficult and then spend the time (or money) working on your relationship with God.  (I think sometimes that part gets either forgotten or ignored...)

I haven't given anything up the last couple of years... 2 years ago, it was unintentional, but I gave up God...Last year, nothing just felt right... (at least that's what I remember...)

This year...I gave some thought about what I wanted to do.  And instead of giving something up, I really wanted to take something on.  And there were lots of things that I was kicking around... But, ultimately, came up with a couple of things!

This Lent, I am planning to have conversations with people who consider themselves to be atheist, agnostic, or have a complicated relationship with God.  This isn't for evangelistic reasons or to "save" anyone (I can't do that anyway...).  I suppose if anything in this, I want to give up my assumptions.  I assume some things about people who fit these categories... Not in a judgey way...But I assume & apply beliefs to them that may not be completely accurate.  So, I'd like to abandon any preconceived notions that I might have. (BTW-- if you consider yourself in any of those categories, I'd love to chat with you.  If you're local, I'll buy your meal...If not, Skype will be wonderful and I have a couple of those conversations set up already & when we are near each other, I'll take you out for a meal too!)

In addition to that, I'm going to participate in Look In Lent that was created by my friend Gregg Brekke. So, you'll see some of those posts here as I reflect on them.   

So, what are you doing for Lent?  Giving something up?  Taking something on?  Nothing?

I stopped believing in God

2 years ago, I stopped believing in God.... Let me pause & let that sink in...

2 years ago, what I knew about God & what I felt about God were two very different things... I was in a really difficult place... I still believed everything that I knew about God, but my heart was shattered and I didn't want to believe anymore.  Some have talked about the dark night of the soul... This was mine.

Here's the other thing-- I was serving as clergy. There would be mornings that I would talk to my colleague & say that I couldn't pray today in worship... My mantra eventually became, "Preach faith until you've got faith... Fake it until you make it."

Everything was hanging on by a thread... I remember months that I would go see my spiritual director & would just end up a sobbing mess.  I didn't want to not believe, but I couldn't bring myself to enter in fully.

Every time I could feel myself taking one step forward, there would be something else that would knock me off of my feet & I would end up that sobbing mess again.

During this dark night, I will forever be indebted to the friends who listened, supported, loved, and embraced me... Sometimes it was phone calls where I said, "I just don't want to cry alone tonight...Can you just remind me that I'm not alone?"  For those of you who offered nothing but listening ears and words of grace, you saved me & you saved my faith... When I wasn't strong enough, you were & you held onto hope when I thought that there was none.

I wish that there was a magic moment that I could point to & say-- This.  This is when I fell back in love with God.  But there's not... But, I did.  At some point, I reconciled the God of my head & the God of my heart to be the same one... And what it gave me was a deeper more complex understanding of this Divine Being that I have vowed to serve & love.


I used to say that doubt & questions weren't a bad thing...And I thought I believed it.  But, when I was struck with a season of doubt & question, suddenly it didn't seem as comforting... But the truth is...they aren't bad things at all.  What my doubts & questions have forced me to do is come to a deeper & richer & more complex understanding of my faith, of God, and what life is.

There will be other times that my heart will be shattered & my faith will be tested...There will be (there are...) times that I wake up in the morning & my first thought is, "God, I don't want to talk to you today..."

 I have felt recently that it's important for me to start telling this story more publicly... There are those who have heard it & are probably tired of it... And there are those who will probably be shocked & maybe even hurt by it. But maybe there's someone who is wondering or questioning or doubting... And maybe something in my story is a thread of hope to hold onto...

All is not lost.  All is not in vain... Where ever you find yourself... There are people who will be there to support you & love you to the depths of your beings.... And hope is real.

March Newsletter

Dear Friends,

As the winter weather wages on, it seems appropriate that Lent will begin soon!   Lent is the time that we take the journey with Jesus to the cross and will ultimately end up at the empty tomb on Easter morning…But before we get there too quickly, we need to take the journey.  Our Lenten journey this year will look at the signs & miracles in the Gospel of John.  Throughout Jesus’ ministry, he was showing a new way to live & to be. In the Gospel of John, there are 7 miracles that Jesus performs that help illustrate this New Thing.   During Lent we’ll look at giving up those things that keep us from seeing this New Thing that is created in front of our eyes.

Lent is often confusing to people and when I’ve talked with others about Lent, I’m often met with the question, “We do Lent?  I thought only Catholics did that!”  Well, Lent is a Christian tradition and not necessarily a Catholic tradition…So, yes indeed, we do Lent.  Many people think about what they’ll be giving up during these 40 days of Lent and most often it’s chocolate or desserts or something that, let’s be honest, we don’t really need anyway!  This year for Lent, I encourage you think about something that you can sacrifice for Lent.  Maybe giving up chocolate or desserts is really difficult for you and that is what you’d like to give up!  Maybe that daily trip for coffee or the weekly stop at McDonald’s would be great sacrifice…Or perhaps those new shoes or trips to the beauty salon would be sacrifices.  Think of something that would be difficult for you to give up as a sacrifice.  Once you are committed to that sacrifice, think first of the financial cost.   On Ash Wednesday and throughout Lent, there will be prayer boxes available to put the money that you would normally spend in the box.  So, if you spend $5 at McDonald’s every week…Put $5 in your box every week.  The money that we collect will go to continue the work of Imagine No Malaria throughout the world.  You may remember Rachel Birkhahn Rommelfanger coming to talk with us about the work of Imagine No Malaria.  The boxes are for more than money as you think of the other sacrifices that you make by giving something up….The boxes are also to remind you to pray—for yourself and your journey and also for those who suffer from malaria & our work in ending this disease.   

There is a lot of information in this month’s newsletter!  Our finance committee has been hard at work, the youth are preparing for a busy summer, and so much more!  Make sure that you take a look through the newsletter & see if there are places that you would like to be involved!

Blessings,

Pastor Melissa