I still don't have a favorite...I still don't completely feel Idol this year...Nothing has changed! So tonight is "top download night." Let's see how they do!
Anoop Desai: Caught Up--It was an interesting song choice...I see why he picked it up, I don't think that he's an Usher kind of singer. I agree that his vocals sounded good, but he doesn't seem to be an upbeat R&B singer...I really like Anoop, so I hope that he sticks around!
Megan Jo: Turn Your Lights Down Low--I really like her voice and I think that her voice is really unique, but I don't know that I hear it on the radio at all...She hit a few rough notes and I can't decide if it was a good song choice for her or not...
Danny Gokey: What Hurts the Most--I think what sold this the most was the back story. I think that he connected with the lyrics which is what sold it. I'm not sure that it was his best performance, but it was really good. I don't think Danny is going to be going anywhere for awhile!
Allison Iraheta: Don't Speak--I think that this was a great performance. Her voice is fantastic and she does just exude "rock". She shouldn't have a problem going through, but I thought that the criticism was a little harsh...
Scott MacIntyre: Just the Way You Are--I didn't feel his heart like he wanted to...his hairstyle was too distracting...I just felt like he was wearing a mullet! I think it was a decent song choice for him, but I think he also hit some bum notes....
Matt Giraud: You Found Me--This was a great song choice for him and I was totally looking forward to it! But, he didn't deliver...He started out a little rocky and then growled more than he really sang and he can really sing! I was very disappointed in this performance, but I think it was a great song choice--just the way he chose to sing it was off...
Lil Rounds: Surrender--I fully agree that this was the wrong song choice for her...It was too old, it was not current...it is not who she is. I also did not think that she sang it well at all. There were a lot of off notes in there and it was pretty bad...
Adam Lambert: Play that Funky Music--I still don't fully like Adam, but I might be able to come around....I think he might be getting just a little bit too cocky though...This was a really good performance, but I still don't know that he is going to win, and I'm still not totally sure who he is as an artist...
Kris Allen: Ain't No Sunshine--I am starting to like Kris Allen more and more...I think he could be the most marketable so far, but I'm not positive on that either...He's got the vocal talent and he knows how to work it.
Bottom 3: Lil Rounds, Megan Joy, Scott MacIntyre (Anoop Desai & Matt Giraud could be in there too)
Going Home: Megan Joy
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
A letter
I recieved a letter recently in regards to a blog that I had posted here. The person who wrote the letter was very offended at something that I had said about a dear friend of theirs. I have re-read the post itself and I personally was not offended by what I had said, but I understand and believe someone when they feel that it was. I do want to truly apologize if what I said was offensive to you in any way. I wish that I knew who you were to do so personally.
When I re-read the post, I had hoped to get across the message of grace that I found in doing the funeral. I was appreciative of the crowd that was there because they came there in honesty and no pretention. My difficulty was knowing that I was not a part of that particular crowd simply because of who I am as a clergy person. That is what broke my heart. To see the pain of people and not be able to do anything and not be able to be "in" in order to do anything. Is some of that my responsibility? Absolutely. Are there things that I know that I will not be able to do simply because I am a clergy person. Absolutely.
In refering to the type of crowd that was present, I hoped to put down the stigma in the church that you need to behave or be a certain way in order to cross the doors. Unfortunately, it may seem as though I increased that stigma. I believe all people are welcome in the church regardless of who they are or what they smell like or what they do. I was moved that this crowd in particular was there and that the sanctuary would forever be different because of their presence. I truly saw it as a moment of grace and not as something to be ashamed of.
I would never turn down a funeral because a person is not a member of the church and have only turned down one funeral simply because I couldn't change my plane tickets. It is indeed a moment of pure grace to be a part of that time of grief and vulnerability. Never at any time have I been not fully committed to being a part of a service or held resentments for doing a service. My frustrations come when I feel like I could have done more or I wish that the message of someone's life had been fully explored and shared with grace. I hope to do that at each service based on everything that I know and all the information that is given. But I do not view a service with resentment or disappointment.
So, I sum this up to truly apologize to any who were offended by some of the things that I said. I appreciate your honesety and willingness to share with me your feelings and I only wish that I could say these things to you personally. I hope that you read this in that way and should you want to share with me any more and would like a personal apology or conversation, I would be fully available for this.
When I re-read the post, I had hoped to get across the message of grace that I found in doing the funeral. I was appreciative of the crowd that was there because they came there in honesty and no pretention. My difficulty was knowing that I was not a part of that particular crowd simply because of who I am as a clergy person. That is what broke my heart. To see the pain of people and not be able to do anything and not be able to be "in" in order to do anything. Is some of that my responsibility? Absolutely. Are there things that I know that I will not be able to do simply because I am a clergy person. Absolutely.
In refering to the type of crowd that was present, I hoped to put down the stigma in the church that you need to behave or be a certain way in order to cross the doors. Unfortunately, it may seem as though I increased that stigma. I believe all people are welcome in the church regardless of who they are or what they smell like or what they do. I was moved that this crowd in particular was there and that the sanctuary would forever be different because of their presence. I truly saw it as a moment of grace and not as something to be ashamed of.
I would never turn down a funeral because a person is not a member of the church and have only turned down one funeral simply because I couldn't change my plane tickets. It is indeed a moment of pure grace to be a part of that time of grief and vulnerability. Never at any time have I been not fully committed to being a part of a service or held resentments for doing a service. My frustrations come when I feel like I could have done more or I wish that the message of someone's life had been fully explored and shared with grace. I hope to do that at each service based on everything that I know and all the information that is given. But I do not view a service with resentment or disappointment.
So, I sum this up to truly apologize to any who were offended by some of the things that I said. I appreciate your honesety and willingness to share with me your feelings and I only wish that I could say these things to you personally. I hope that you read this in that way and should you want to share with me any more and would like a personal apology or conversation, I would be fully available for this.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Forgiving-ness & forgiven-ness
Forgiving-ness & Forgiven-ness
Today is the 5th Sunday in Lent—the 40 day season in the church that prepares us for Easter. Lent is a time of trimming away all of the distractions or things that keep us from fully recognizing the power of Easter & Jesus’ resurrection. In Jesus’ resurrection we experience life abundantly as Jesus defeated death. So, Lent prepares us for that abundant celebration of life. Our series during Lent has been “From Hurt to Healing.” Each week we’ve explored an emotion, a topic, or a theme related to the hurts we have or the ways in which we have hurt others. We have looked at shame—what those who have been sinned-against feel when something has been done to them. We have looked at guilt—what sinners feel when they have done something wrong. Anger—which in and of itself is a good thing, but when it is left to fester and turns into rage, that is a problem. Resistance is the way in which we declare that we are an individual of sacred with and deserve to be treated as such and not as someone less than a human being. Repentance is what we feel when we recognize that we have done something wrong and need to make amends and turn our life completely around. Last week, we began to make the turn from identifying our hurts & the ways in which we have hurt others into healing. This week we look at what it means to offer forgiveness or forgiving-ness and receiving forgiveness or forgiven-ness.
Christianity is a movement based around forgiveness—Jesus proclaimed God’s forgiveness to all people and the church was meant to continue to carry on that message of forgiveness. Most people experience forgiveness often…The truth is that holding a grudge is self destructive. Bonnie Weil says it this way, “If you don’t forgive a grudge, there is a part of you that dies inside. You lose your optimism, your enthusiasm, your zest for life.” Oftentimes we discuss the need to forgive or be forgiven, but ignore what forgiveness really is…Forgiveness isn’t just a word tossed around, but it means to give up a resolve to do something or giving up resentment or claim to requital for or to pardon an offense. Forgiveness does not require feelings of love or acceptance, but it makes room for those feelings for both victim & offender. Pastoral counselor John Patton describes forgiveness not as something that we do, but as something we discover. To forgive the one who injures us, we need to discover ourselves in them…Forgiveness is a humble process by surrendering one’s own power to forgive rather than holding onto it.
In his book From Hurt to Healing, Andrew Sung Park chronicles theologian Lewis Smedes’ 6 steps for forgiveness.
1.) Forgiveness is a redemptive response to having been wronged and wounded. Only those who have wronged and wounded us are candidates for forgivness.
2.) Forgiveness requires 3 actions: first—surrendering our right to give even. When we forgive we place the outcome of the matter in God’s hands. Second—we rediscover the humanity of our wrongdoer—the person who wronged us is not different from us, but just as complex, fragile, and confused person as we are. Third—we wish our wrongdoer well—giving up revenge and actually wanting good things to happen to them.
3.) Forgiving takes time. God can forgive in a single breath, but we need time.
4.) Forgiving does not require forgetting. We can refuse to let a harmful incident control our lives.
5.) Ideally, forgiving leads to reconciliation—but that doesn’t always happen…Sometimes the forgiven person does not want to be reunited with us. Forgiving happens in our hearts—there can’t be a reunion without forgiving, but there can be forgiving without reunion
6.) Forgiving comes naturally to the forgiven. Nothing enables us to forgive like knowing in our hearts that we have been forgiven.
When we truly forgive someone, we don’t attack their personality, but focus on issues. Which can be hard sometimes…There are really two dimensions to forgiveness—internal & external.
Internal forgiveness is forgiving our offenders before they ask for it. In our Gospel lesson this morning, Peter asks if it is okay to forgive 7 times which was more than the Jewish tradition said was necessary…The Jewish tradition said that 3 times was enough, so by asking for double that Peter thought that would be okay! But Jesus says that 77 times is how often we forgive which is just beyond understanding. The sooner we forgive the better, but forgiveness can’t be forced too quickly. Before forgiving, there are some things that we will need to sort through in our own hearts & souls. Andrew Sung Park identifies these steps in internal forgiveness: brokenness with sorrow & grief, a willingness to let go, and the courage to envision a fresh image.
Those who have been sinned against can’t easily forget their deep pain & grief. There is no exact formula for this and some offenses take longer than others to work through. Park says it this way, “It takes courage to acknowledge our wound & pain. The process of forgiveness starts when we demonstrate the courage to put ourselves in the vulnerable position of acknowledging our wound & weakness and undergoing sorrow & grief over pain. This spirit of grieving over pain opens the process of healing by transcending its own helplessness.”
Giving forgiveness or forgiving-ness means letting go—letting go of our woundedness, sorrow and anger. This is not easy. But forgiveness enables us not to dwell on the pain of shame, but to transcend it for food. Park continues by saying, “Forgiving others is forgiving ourselves. Retaliating against others injures ourselves again…Without forgiving our offenders, we become captives of the destructive force of anger & hatred…In this sense, forgiving is not a choice, it is a must. Every unforgiving moment causes us damage.” Now that doesn’t mean that forgiving is cheap or easy, but quite the opposite…it is very costly.
When we are wronged, it is easy to look at our offenders as demons or to dehumanize them. We need to separate an individual’s personhood from their actions because all individuals are individuals of sacred worth. “A forgiving heart foresees a redeemed, good, and accountable image of the offenders, which not forgetting their past.”
In addition to internal forgiveness, there is external forgiveness. In an ideal situation, the offender would ask forgiveness and seek to make up for what they have done. If the offender fails to seek forgiveness, the injured person is not obligated to offer it. External forgiveness announces the offender forgiven when they have sought it. If the offender has no intention of seeking forgivness, the offended should begin the process themselves. The first step would be confrontation—to challenge the offender to admit their wrong. When the offender has repented, this brings both parties to neutral ground and offers a way to reconciliation. The offended then should engage the offender to repay whatever damage has been done. External forgivenss restores a mutual relationship. Reconciliation can only happen if both parties agree to restore their relationship. If it is possible, reconciliation is what we should aim for. However, it is not always possible to do that—as Christians we should always try to get to reconciliation. “True forgivingness is not to overlook the wrongdoing of offenders, but to challenge them to change their ways and encourage them to rectify what they have damaged.”
Steven Curtis Chapman is an award winning Christian singer. He and his wife Mary Beth have three biological children, Emily, Caleb, and Will Franklin and have adopted three girls from China—Shohannah Hope, Stevey Joy, and Maria Sue. On May 21, seventeen year old Will Franklin was driving his SUV in the driveway when Maria Sue ran to greet him. He didn’t see Maria and hit her with his car…As the Chapman family reacted to what happened, and called 911 and held on to their 5 year old daughter as she struggled to live…As the ambulance took Maria Sue to the hospital, Will in anguish tried to run from what happened when his older brother Caleb tackled him and held him to the ground and just held him…As Steven Curtis Chapman followed the ambulance to the hospital, he made the driver stop as he shouted out the window… “Will Franklin! Your dad loves you! Will Franklin! Your dad loves you!” Maria Sue died from this tragic accident…As the family continues to grieve the loss of the youngest child and come to grips with what happened…Will Franklin struggles to forgive himself. At Maria’s funeral, Caleb share that God healed Maria in ways that the family didn’t really like, but Caleb knew that God was going to heal Will in ways that everyone would really like…Mary Beth & Steven Curtis Chapman said in an interview that not once did they ever blame Will or do they hold what happened against him…They called it a tragic accident…
If forgiving-ness is offering forgiveness, then forgiven-ness is receiving forgiveness. Beverly Flanigan suggests these 8 ways to promote forgiveness.
1.) Admit quickly and openly when you are wrong.
2.) Apologize to the people you have wronged. If possible, issue your apology in the presence of others to demonstrate that you are not afraid to return power to those you have hurt.
3.) Praise those close to you when they express regret about hurting someone. Encourage them to admit wrongdoing & apologize to the injured person.
4.) Respect the attempts of others to forgive someone.
5.) When it is true, tell people who have modeled forgiveness to you that you respect their achievements. By the same token when other people’s nonforgiveness contaminates you, tell them.
6.) Avoid litigation until you have heard each other’s views of the injury. Forgiveness is more likely when people are not adversaries.
7.) Teach that life is not fair. One person will have more gifts and opportunities than another person and fewer than others. Envy or greed should never be the basis of nonfogiveness.
8.) To forgive is to choose to move forward into the future. Show others thant you choose the future, not the past, as the focus of aspiration in your daily life.
In Christianity, divine forgiveness is deeply connected with human forgiveness. When we are forgiven by those we have wronged, our relationship with God is put right. At the heart of Christian forgiven-ness is repentance and restoration of relationships with God & with the offended. Last week, we talked about repentance as an act of contrition and confession as the beginning of the forgiveness process.
First, repentance begins with contrition…which is an internal transformation. It is the decision before God to not repeat the sin. The act of contrition should come because God loves us and not out of fear—but love that leads us to love God & love others.
Confession is the next step…confession is an important step in being forgiven, because one needs to know what they’re asking forgiveness for! It can be uncomfortable to admit you were wrong or that you did something that was wrong, so this is a step that many people are unable to do. We’ll look at this more next week as we discuss forgiveness.
Repentance means changing one’s behavior…It is the turning around and going the other direction of what you were doing. It is the concrete response to the contrition—in contrition, we promise not to sin again and in repentance, we actually work on not sinning again. If there is not a change in lifestyle, there has not been repentance. If every time I see John Doe, and I kick him in the shins…then I tell him I feel bad about it, but continue to do it. I’ve not really repented. If someone says that they’re sorry for doing something, but continue to do it…they’re really not repenting.
Fourth, recompense—repentance is only genuine when it offers compensation…What can I do for what I have done? If you are not willing to sacrifice to make up for what you have done, you’re not willing to repent. Now, we can’t make anything up to God—seeing as how God is infinite and all…We do not possess the power to repay God, which what justification is…we’ll talk about justification next week. But, what God does require is for offenders to compensate human victims of his or her offense. As Park says, “This compensation does not depend on the status of the one offended. Rather we need to attend, heal, and recompense the injuries of the offended with all our hearts, as if we were making restitution to God. In fact, as we offend our neighbor, we injure God. By restoring our neighbor’s dignity, we restore God’s dignity as well.
Fifth, asking for forgiveness. Forgiven-ness can only be offered if it is asked for. First, asking forgiveness from God and then from the wronged. Having already done works of repentance, openly admitting wrong, and asking in humility for forgiveness. When we do this we are not asking the offended to forget what has been done, but we ask to cease remembering it with resentment and a heart of vengeance. “The offended can forgive the offender, or delay forgiving-ness at this point. If the offended is not ready to forgive the offender, the offender must wait patiently for their forgiving in due course.
Forgiven-ness becomes consummated in reconciling with the offended. A genuine act of repentance leads to an opportunity to live in positive relationships once again. A genuine act of asking for forgiveness may lead the offended & the offender to reconcile. But there is little the offender can do if the person hurt does not want to be reconciled.
Why is forgiveness so hard? Why is it something that we deny to others or deny to ourselves? Why does it make the stories like the Chapman family seem so extraordinary? There are really lots of reasons why…Sometimes the circumstances are just so extraordinary…Sometimes the people are extraordinary…Most times it’s because the grace of God flows freely…Forgiveness is given freely to us…It only seems right that it should flow freely from us…There may be something or someone that you are thinking about right now that you need to forgive…Maybe you’re not ready to admit what you have done wrong or what you’d like to do to make amends…Maybe you’re not quite ready to repent…You can say that… Or maybe you’re thinking about someone that you need to ask for forgiveness…Someone that you have hurt in some way…And you might be thinking that too much time has passed or you don’t know how to get in touch with that person…Those are really good excuses…About a year ago I went to lunch with a friend and as we caught up on life, I shared with her that I thought that I may have hurt her in a particular situation and they only reason that I thought that I may have caused her that pain was because I had felt it myself…As we recounted the situation that had happened almost five years earlier, I apologized for any hurt that I may have caused her. She said that there was none, but she appreciated the apology…I could have not said anything and I could have not offered apology…But I can’t tell you how much better I felt to have known how she felt and that we could be honest…An apology can come at anytime…Studies have shown that people who forgive more often are usually healthier…less heart problems, less stress…The longer that you hold on to that forgiveness, the more it eats you up inside…Forgiveness is as much for you to let go as it is for the other person to be forgiven…It is as much about our own humanity as it is about another person’sEvery week, as we pray the Lord’s prayer, we pray—forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Do you really want to be forgiven in the same way that you have offered forgiveness? Do you really want to be treated in the same way that you have treated other people? Maybe if we all truly lived by the ways that Jesus taught, there would be less need to seek forgiveness…But we are still waiting for the Kingdom of God to come…So, how many times should one forgive? 3 times? 7 times? 490? How many times have you been forgiven? 3 times? 7 times? 490? As you have confessed your sins to God, God hears your prayers and in the name of Jesus Christ you are forgiven…Thanks be to God…You have been forgiven freely…Freely give…
Today is the 5th Sunday in Lent—the 40 day season in the church that prepares us for Easter. Lent is a time of trimming away all of the distractions or things that keep us from fully recognizing the power of Easter & Jesus’ resurrection. In Jesus’ resurrection we experience life abundantly as Jesus defeated death. So, Lent prepares us for that abundant celebration of life. Our series during Lent has been “From Hurt to Healing.” Each week we’ve explored an emotion, a topic, or a theme related to the hurts we have or the ways in which we have hurt others. We have looked at shame—what those who have been sinned-against feel when something has been done to them. We have looked at guilt—what sinners feel when they have done something wrong. Anger—which in and of itself is a good thing, but when it is left to fester and turns into rage, that is a problem. Resistance is the way in which we declare that we are an individual of sacred with and deserve to be treated as such and not as someone less than a human being. Repentance is what we feel when we recognize that we have done something wrong and need to make amends and turn our life completely around. Last week, we began to make the turn from identifying our hurts & the ways in which we have hurt others into healing. This week we look at what it means to offer forgiveness or forgiving-ness and receiving forgiveness or forgiven-ness.
Christianity is a movement based around forgiveness—Jesus proclaimed God’s forgiveness to all people and the church was meant to continue to carry on that message of forgiveness. Most people experience forgiveness often…The truth is that holding a grudge is self destructive. Bonnie Weil says it this way, “If you don’t forgive a grudge, there is a part of you that dies inside. You lose your optimism, your enthusiasm, your zest for life.” Oftentimes we discuss the need to forgive or be forgiven, but ignore what forgiveness really is…Forgiveness isn’t just a word tossed around, but it means to give up a resolve to do something or giving up resentment or claim to requital for or to pardon an offense. Forgiveness does not require feelings of love or acceptance, but it makes room for those feelings for both victim & offender. Pastoral counselor John Patton describes forgiveness not as something that we do, but as something we discover. To forgive the one who injures us, we need to discover ourselves in them…Forgiveness is a humble process by surrendering one’s own power to forgive rather than holding onto it.
In his book From Hurt to Healing, Andrew Sung Park chronicles theologian Lewis Smedes’ 6 steps for forgiveness.
1.) Forgiveness is a redemptive response to having been wronged and wounded. Only those who have wronged and wounded us are candidates for forgivness.
2.) Forgiveness requires 3 actions: first—surrendering our right to give even. When we forgive we place the outcome of the matter in God’s hands. Second—we rediscover the humanity of our wrongdoer—the person who wronged us is not different from us, but just as complex, fragile, and confused person as we are. Third—we wish our wrongdoer well—giving up revenge and actually wanting good things to happen to them.
3.) Forgiving takes time. God can forgive in a single breath, but we need time.
4.) Forgiving does not require forgetting. We can refuse to let a harmful incident control our lives.
5.) Ideally, forgiving leads to reconciliation—but that doesn’t always happen…Sometimes the forgiven person does not want to be reunited with us. Forgiving happens in our hearts—there can’t be a reunion without forgiving, but there can be forgiving without reunion
6.) Forgiving comes naturally to the forgiven. Nothing enables us to forgive like knowing in our hearts that we have been forgiven.
When we truly forgive someone, we don’t attack their personality, but focus on issues. Which can be hard sometimes…There are really two dimensions to forgiveness—internal & external.
Internal forgiveness is forgiving our offenders before they ask for it. In our Gospel lesson this morning, Peter asks if it is okay to forgive 7 times which was more than the Jewish tradition said was necessary…The Jewish tradition said that 3 times was enough, so by asking for double that Peter thought that would be okay! But Jesus says that 77 times is how often we forgive which is just beyond understanding. The sooner we forgive the better, but forgiveness can’t be forced too quickly. Before forgiving, there are some things that we will need to sort through in our own hearts & souls. Andrew Sung Park identifies these steps in internal forgiveness: brokenness with sorrow & grief, a willingness to let go, and the courage to envision a fresh image.
Those who have been sinned against can’t easily forget their deep pain & grief. There is no exact formula for this and some offenses take longer than others to work through. Park says it this way, “It takes courage to acknowledge our wound & pain. The process of forgiveness starts when we demonstrate the courage to put ourselves in the vulnerable position of acknowledging our wound & weakness and undergoing sorrow & grief over pain. This spirit of grieving over pain opens the process of healing by transcending its own helplessness.”
Giving forgiveness or forgiving-ness means letting go—letting go of our woundedness, sorrow and anger. This is not easy. But forgiveness enables us not to dwell on the pain of shame, but to transcend it for food. Park continues by saying, “Forgiving others is forgiving ourselves. Retaliating against others injures ourselves again…Without forgiving our offenders, we become captives of the destructive force of anger & hatred…In this sense, forgiving is not a choice, it is a must. Every unforgiving moment causes us damage.” Now that doesn’t mean that forgiving is cheap or easy, but quite the opposite…it is very costly.
When we are wronged, it is easy to look at our offenders as demons or to dehumanize them. We need to separate an individual’s personhood from their actions because all individuals are individuals of sacred worth. “A forgiving heart foresees a redeemed, good, and accountable image of the offenders, which not forgetting their past.”
In addition to internal forgiveness, there is external forgiveness. In an ideal situation, the offender would ask forgiveness and seek to make up for what they have done. If the offender fails to seek forgiveness, the injured person is not obligated to offer it. External forgiveness announces the offender forgiven when they have sought it. If the offender has no intention of seeking forgivness, the offended should begin the process themselves. The first step would be confrontation—to challenge the offender to admit their wrong. When the offender has repented, this brings both parties to neutral ground and offers a way to reconciliation. The offended then should engage the offender to repay whatever damage has been done. External forgivenss restores a mutual relationship. Reconciliation can only happen if both parties agree to restore their relationship. If it is possible, reconciliation is what we should aim for. However, it is not always possible to do that—as Christians we should always try to get to reconciliation. “True forgivingness is not to overlook the wrongdoing of offenders, but to challenge them to change their ways and encourage them to rectify what they have damaged.”
Steven Curtis Chapman is an award winning Christian singer. He and his wife Mary Beth have three biological children, Emily, Caleb, and Will Franklin and have adopted three girls from China—Shohannah Hope, Stevey Joy, and Maria Sue. On May 21, seventeen year old Will Franklin was driving his SUV in the driveway when Maria Sue ran to greet him. He didn’t see Maria and hit her with his car…As the Chapman family reacted to what happened, and called 911 and held on to their 5 year old daughter as she struggled to live…As the ambulance took Maria Sue to the hospital, Will in anguish tried to run from what happened when his older brother Caleb tackled him and held him to the ground and just held him…As Steven Curtis Chapman followed the ambulance to the hospital, he made the driver stop as he shouted out the window… “Will Franklin! Your dad loves you! Will Franklin! Your dad loves you!” Maria Sue died from this tragic accident…As the family continues to grieve the loss of the youngest child and come to grips with what happened…Will Franklin struggles to forgive himself. At Maria’s funeral, Caleb share that God healed Maria in ways that the family didn’t really like, but Caleb knew that God was going to heal Will in ways that everyone would really like…Mary Beth & Steven Curtis Chapman said in an interview that not once did they ever blame Will or do they hold what happened against him…They called it a tragic accident…
If forgiving-ness is offering forgiveness, then forgiven-ness is receiving forgiveness. Beverly Flanigan suggests these 8 ways to promote forgiveness.
1.) Admit quickly and openly when you are wrong.
2.) Apologize to the people you have wronged. If possible, issue your apology in the presence of others to demonstrate that you are not afraid to return power to those you have hurt.
3.) Praise those close to you when they express regret about hurting someone. Encourage them to admit wrongdoing & apologize to the injured person.
4.) Respect the attempts of others to forgive someone.
5.) When it is true, tell people who have modeled forgiveness to you that you respect their achievements. By the same token when other people’s nonforgiveness contaminates you, tell them.
6.) Avoid litigation until you have heard each other’s views of the injury. Forgiveness is more likely when people are not adversaries.
7.) Teach that life is not fair. One person will have more gifts and opportunities than another person and fewer than others. Envy or greed should never be the basis of nonfogiveness.
8.) To forgive is to choose to move forward into the future. Show others thant you choose the future, not the past, as the focus of aspiration in your daily life.
In Christianity, divine forgiveness is deeply connected with human forgiveness. When we are forgiven by those we have wronged, our relationship with God is put right. At the heart of Christian forgiven-ness is repentance and restoration of relationships with God & with the offended. Last week, we talked about repentance as an act of contrition and confession as the beginning of the forgiveness process.
First, repentance begins with contrition…which is an internal transformation. It is the decision before God to not repeat the sin. The act of contrition should come because God loves us and not out of fear—but love that leads us to love God & love others.
Confession is the next step…confession is an important step in being forgiven, because one needs to know what they’re asking forgiveness for! It can be uncomfortable to admit you were wrong or that you did something that was wrong, so this is a step that many people are unable to do. We’ll look at this more next week as we discuss forgiveness.
Repentance means changing one’s behavior…It is the turning around and going the other direction of what you were doing. It is the concrete response to the contrition—in contrition, we promise not to sin again and in repentance, we actually work on not sinning again. If there is not a change in lifestyle, there has not been repentance. If every time I see John Doe, and I kick him in the shins…then I tell him I feel bad about it, but continue to do it. I’ve not really repented. If someone says that they’re sorry for doing something, but continue to do it…they’re really not repenting.
Fourth, recompense—repentance is only genuine when it offers compensation…What can I do for what I have done? If you are not willing to sacrifice to make up for what you have done, you’re not willing to repent. Now, we can’t make anything up to God—seeing as how God is infinite and all…We do not possess the power to repay God, which what justification is…we’ll talk about justification next week. But, what God does require is for offenders to compensate human victims of his or her offense. As Park says, “This compensation does not depend on the status of the one offended. Rather we need to attend, heal, and recompense the injuries of the offended with all our hearts, as if we were making restitution to God. In fact, as we offend our neighbor, we injure God. By restoring our neighbor’s dignity, we restore God’s dignity as well.
Fifth, asking for forgiveness. Forgiven-ness can only be offered if it is asked for. First, asking forgiveness from God and then from the wronged. Having already done works of repentance, openly admitting wrong, and asking in humility for forgiveness. When we do this we are not asking the offended to forget what has been done, but we ask to cease remembering it with resentment and a heart of vengeance. “The offended can forgive the offender, or delay forgiving-ness at this point. If the offended is not ready to forgive the offender, the offender must wait patiently for their forgiving in due course.
Forgiven-ness becomes consummated in reconciling with the offended. A genuine act of repentance leads to an opportunity to live in positive relationships once again. A genuine act of asking for forgiveness may lead the offended & the offender to reconcile. But there is little the offender can do if the person hurt does not want to be reconciled.
Why is forgiveness so hard? Why is it something that we deny to others or deny to ourselves? Why does it make the stories like the Chapman family seem so extraordinary? There are really lots of reasons why…Sometimes the circumstances are just so extraordinary…Sometimes the people are extraordinary…Most times it’s because the grace of God flows freely…Forgiveness is given freely to us…It only seems right that it should flow freely from us…There may be something or someone that you are thinking about right now that you need to forgive…Maybe you’re not ready to admit what you have done wrong or what you’d like to do to make amends…Maybe you’re not quite ready to repent…You can say that… Or maybe you’re thinking about someone that you need to ask for forgiveness…Someone that you have hurt in some way…And you might be thinking that too much time has passed or you don’t know how to get in touch with that person…Those are really good excuses…About a year ago I went to lunch with a friend and as we caught up on life, I shared with her that I thought that I may have hurt her in a particular situation and they only reason that I thought that I may have caused her that pain was because I had felt it myself…As we recounted the situation that had happened almost five years earlier, I apologized for any hurt that I may have caused her. She said that there was none, but she appreciated the apology…I could have not said anything and I could have not offered apology…But I can’t tell you how much better I felt to have known how she felt and that we could be honest…An apology can come at anytime…Studies have shown that people who forgive more often are usually healthier…less heart problems, less stress…The longer that you hold on to that forgiveness, the more it eats you up inside…Forgiveness is as much for you to let go as it is for the other person to be forgiven…It is as much about our own humanity as it is about another person’sEvery week, as we pray the Lord’s prayer, we pray—forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Do you really want to be forgiven in the same way that you have offered forgiveness? Do you really want to be treated in the same way that you have treated other people? Maybe if we all truly lived by the ways that Jesus taught, there would be less need to seek forgiveness…But we are still waiting for the Kingdom of God to come…So, how many times should one forgive? 3 times? 7 times? 490? How many times have you been forgiven? 3 times? 7 times? 490? As you have confessed your sins to God, God hears your prayers and in the name of Jesus Christ you are forgiven…Thanks be to God…You have been forgiven freely…Freely give…
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Road Trip!
When you are on a road trip, you need to do all kinds of things to entertain yourself while in the car. I was so fortunate that my ipod lasted the whole drive! Woot! But here's the real exciting pieces of my trip...
This morning, I wasn't really in the mood for breakfast (like pretty much most days!) and I had some coffee already, but I as I left, I decided to stop at Tim Horton's to bring some Timbits home with me because I heart Timbits and there is no TimmyHo's around here at all...So, I felt pretty fantastic when I pulled into the drive through and I thought, "Wow, the Kigdom of God is here!" Then, the cashier told me that there weren't any jelly filled timbits left and I was left thinking, "Oh, the Kingdom of God is at hand..."
So, I continued on my way and had an uneventful drive, but I didn't have a specific time to be home (well at least I had time to get home...) and I remembered seeing a sign for The Chocolate Garden and I decided to stop because I had time! And who isn't intrigued by something called "The Chocolate Garden"? The truffles are amazing BTW...And apparently they've been featured on The Food Network!
But before I got to the Chocolate Garden, I thought that I would need to consider where & when to stop for lunch...And I'm not eating fast food anymore, so that really kind of limits your options when you are on a road trip! And although I had time to spend, I didn't really have time to sit down for lunch (or the patience either...) But, I decided I wanted to stop at Panera. Now this is quite a challenge when you're on highways! Panera doesn't always advertise...And I passed by a sign that did! But it was about an hour and a half before I needed/wanted to stop, so I was a little sad about that...Stopped at the Chocolate Garden and then got back on the road, but I knew I was going to need to stop for gas soon and I was starting to give up on being able to eat at Panera, but I used my trusty GPS to see if there was a Panera coming up and the only one that came up was the one that I passed an hour and a half ago, so I literally just switch back to my map/directions and what should be on the side of the road? ANOTHER billboard for Panera! Woot!
It's the little things...
This morning, I wasn't really in the mood for breakfast (like pretty much most days!) and I had some coffee already, but I as I left, I decided to stop at Tim Horton's to bring some Timbits home with me because I heart Timbits and there is no TimmyHo's around here at all...So, I felt pretty fantastic when I pulled into the drive through and I thought, "Wow, the Kigdom of God is here!" Then, the cashier told me that there weren't any jelly filled timbits left and I was left thinking, "Oh, the Kingdom of God is at hand..."
So, I continued on my way and had an uneventful drive, but I didn't have a specific time to be home (well at least I had time to get home...) and I remembered seeing a sign for The Chocolate Garden and I decided to stop because I had time! And who isn't intrigued by something called "The Chocolate Garden"? The truffles are amazing BTW...And apparently they've been featured on The Food Network!
But before I got to the Chocolate Garden, I thought that I would need to consider where & when to stop for lunch...And I'm not eating fast food anymore, so that really kind of limits your options when you are on a road trip! And although I had time to spend, I didn't really have time to sit down for lunch (or the patience either...) But, I decided I wanted to stop at Panera. Now this is quite a challenge when you're on highways! Panera doesn't always advertise...And I passed by a sign that did! But it was about an hour and a half before I needed/wanted to stop, so I was a little sad about that...Stopped at the Chocolate Garden and then got back on the road, but I knew I was going to need to stop for gas soon and I was starting to give up on being able to eat at Panera, but I used my trusty GPS to see if there was a Panera coming up and the only one that came up was the one that I passed an hour and a half ago, so I literally just switch back to my map/directions and what should be on the side of the road? ANOTHER billboard for Panera! Woot!
It's the little things...
Drops Like Stars...
I made the trek yesterday up to the Detroit area to see Rob Bell & his Drops Like Stars tour. I am not comfortable calling myself a "Rob Bell groupie," but I recognize the dedication one needs in order to make a 5 hour drive to see a 2 hour lecture! But let me tell you, it was absolutely 100% worth the drive!
Here's what I realized in the car, as I'm driving...I consider Rob Bell to be one of my pastors. Not in the pastoral care sense, but in the sense that I trust him enough to be in charge of my spiritual formation at times. At first, that felt awkward because I've not yet met the man, but yet not for that very reason. It's comforting to be able to identify it in that way.
So, we got to the venue which was a cute little cozy theater and I was amused both at the set up(which was basically folding chairs) & the open bar. It was also extremely interesting to see the selection of people who were there...Some looked like they randomly grabbed 2 pieces of clothing out of their closet and others were dressed in full suits! Hmm...Kingdom of God anyone? And the ages were quite varied as well-- although I would guess that the average age was somewhere around the 30-35 mark--perhaps younger? I also have to share that the bathrooms had a store in them! At first, I thought "What great hospitality!" Then, I saw the sign and the "shop keeper"...Fun stuff!
The lecture itself...Wow. It was great. I pre-ordered the book and I can't wait for it to come out! August can't get here fast enough! I also can't wait for this tour to come out on DVD, but it sounds like it'll be a couple years before that happens-- the tour will go for a year and a half! So, that will have to wait I suppose. There was so much in the presentation that I just wanted to soak in. And while I did, it would have been nice to be able to take some notes!
What was so brilliant about this particular lecture is I am currently preaching & teaching a series called "From Hurt to Healing" and Rob Bell said things that I have already said (albeit more eloquently) or things that I have thought in preparing for this series. It was absolutely incredible for me to be able to full participate in the series that I'm preaching on at the same time as the congregation is. Amazing and I am grateful for this wonderful opportunity.
I am not going ot share any particular points from the lecture because this was the first night and there will be opprtunities for you to see it as well and I would highly encourage you to do that! It is absolutely worth the 2 hours & $20 ticket price! It's also worth a 10 hour (roundtrip) drive to see it too!
Another thing that I want to mention that I found incredibly wonderful...We were in the front row. (fangirl moment!) Yes, we were in the front row...And Rob Bell came from the back of the theater and shook hands as he went through and gave a few hugs here and there...Well, he got to the front row and shook each of ours hands. What I found so wonderful was as he shook my hand, he looked into my eyes and said, "Thank you for coming. I'm so glad you're here and I hope that you have a great night." Sincere. Thankful. Fabulous. I have been to other presentations & lectures where the speaker has said and/or done the same thing, but with Rob Bell I felt a sincerity that I haven't experienced before. It was as if he tuned out the whole theater and for those 20 seconds, it was just he & I. (too fangirl?)
At the end, I was half expecting him to be out in the lobby and signing his books (which I brought mine, you know...just in case.). And while a fraction of me was a little disappointed. Overall, I was glad that he didn't. Because what I experienced wasn't a rock concert or an academic lecture. It was Church. It was not pretentious. It was not over the top. It was Church. And as a pastor, I don't want to be signing programs or books after Church. And I don't want my pastor to have to do that either. I appreciated the small ways that it was kept Church and not turned into a rock concert or anything other than Church.
I'm fully planning on going again when he comes to Chicago and I know that there's a group already planning on going! But I could also be persuaded to drive to see it again...I'm just saying...If you're interested in going August 19 to see Drops Like Stars with Rob Bell, please contact me and let's work something out to get tickets together. Until then, I'm on my way back home and heading out to see Chris Tomlin tonight!
Here's what I realized in the car, as I'm driving...I consider Rob Bell to be one of my pastors. Not in the pastoral care sense, but in the sense that I trust him enough to be in charge of my spiritual formation at times. At first, that felt awkward because I've not yet met the man, but yet not for that very reason. It's comforting to be able to identify it in that way.
So, we got to the venue which was a cute little cozy theater and I was amused both at the set up(which was basically folding chairs) & the open bar. It was also extremely interesting to see the selection of people who were there...Some looked like they randomly grabbed 2 pieces of clothing out of their closet and others were dressed in full suits! Hmm...Kingdom of God anyone? And the ages were quite varied as well-- although I would guess that the average age was somewhere around the 30-35 mark--perhaps younger? I also have to share that the bathrooms had a store in them! At first, I thought "What great hospitality!" Then, I saw the sign and the "shop keeper"...Fun stuff!
The lecture itself...Wow. It was great. I pre-ordered the book and I can't wait for it to come out! August can't get here fast enough! I also can't wait for this tour to come out on DVD, but it sounds like it'll be a couple years before that happens-- the tour will go for a year and a half! So, that will have to wait I suppose. There was so much in the presentation that I just wanted to soak in. And while I did, it would have been nice to be able to take some notes!
What was so brilliant about this particular lecture is I am currently preaching & teaching a series called "From Hurt to Healing" and Rob Bell said things that I have already said (albeit more eloquently) or things that I have thought in preparing for this series. It was absolutely incredible for me to be able to full participate in the series that I'm preaching on at the same time as the congregation is. Amazing and I am grateful for this wonderful opportunity.
I am not going ot share any particular points from the lecture because this was the first night and there will be opprtunities for you to see it as well and I would highly encourage you to do that! It is absolutely worth the 2 hours & $20 ticket price! It's also worth a 10 hour (roundtrip) drive to see it too!
Another thing that I want to mention that I found incredibly wonderful...We were in the front row. (fangirl moment!) Yes, we were in the front row...And Rob Bell came from the back of the theater and shook hands as he went through and gave a few hugs here and there...Well, he got to the front row and shook each of ours hands. What I found so wonderful was as he shook my hand, he looked into my eyes and said, "Thank you for coming. I'm so glad you're here and I hope that you have a great night." Sincere. Thankful. Fabulous. I have been to other presentations & lectures where the speaker has said and/or done the same thing, but with Rob Bell I felt a sincerity that I haven't experienced before. It was as if he tuned out the whole theater and for those 20 seconds, it was just he & I. (too fangirl?)
At the end, I was half expecting him to be out in the lobby and signing his books (which I brought mine, you know...just in case.). And while a fraction of me was a little disappointed. Overall, I was glad that he didn't. Because what I experienced wasn't a rock concert or an academic lecture. It was Church. It was not pretentious. It was not over the top. It was Church. And as a pastor, I don't want to be signing programs or books after Church. And I don't want my pastor to have to do that either. I appreciated the small ways that it was kept Church and not turned into a rock concert or anything other than Church.
I'm fully planning on going again when he comes to Chicago and I know that there's a group already planning on going! But I could also be persuaded to drive to see it again...I'm just saying...If you're interested in going August 19 to see Drops Like Stars with Rob Bell, please contact me and let's work something out to get tickets together. Until then, I'm on my way back home and heading out to see Chris Tomlin tonight!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
American Idol: Top 10
Motown Night! I feel like a broken record, but I still haven't picked a winner yet and I still haven't picked someone that I super-like...I also haven't been gaga over any particular performance. Last year, I enjoyed some of them so well that I did indeed download them, but this year? Nothing. I don't know if it's just an off year or if the talent pool is really dwindling? Well, these contestants are solidly talented, just not star quality yet.
Matt Giraud: Let's Get it On--Matt is a solid performer, but I don't see him as all together original yet. He seems like he might be a little shy as his taped pieces don't show a whole lot of his personality. He knows how to work the audience fairly well and is a pretty decent performer. He reminds me of a lot of people--Robin Thicke, Justin Timberlake, & a little Michael Buble...Maybe by being a combination of them he's a bit original? Another really solid performance and I think that he really stands a good chance at really having a career past Idol.
Kris Allen: How Sweet it Is--I don't see Kris as a performer. Yes, he's good and yes he can sing...But I just don't see anything in him that signifies longevity. He might do decent with one album, but I just don't see him with range. He does well each week, but just doesn't do anything particularly original. This performance was solid and each week, Kara is right-- he does "Kris"...I'd really like to hear what he would do if he wrote his own music and I might feel differently.
Scott MacIntyre: You Can't Hurry Love--This is not his genre and that's what I think really limits Scott. He does know who he is an artist and that's great, but he can't translate who he is as an artist to any other genre than where he is comfortable. And there is a disconnect between him and the audience. I dont' know if it's the piano or his differently abled-ness? But, he can sing and he can sing well, I just don't see him as a pop singer or necessarily with a huge career? I agree with Simon that it was the wrong song and I also would agree with his comment about being cheap. And I think Simon is right as well-- he doesn't know how to pick the right songs.
Megan Joy: For Once in My Life-- "half-jazz, half-cabaret"--great description! I think she is a very original artist and that does not play in her favor at times. This performance was kind of shmaltzy and bordering cheesy...I like her voice because it's different. But her dance moves are not that fantastic (and that's coming from someone who is also not a dancer!)...I'm really surprised that Simon didn't toss out the "cruise ship" description because that's exactly what I thought about it. I like her in the competition, but I don't know that she quite has the talent to pull it out.
Anoop Desai: Ooo, Baby, Baby--I do like Anoop because I think he is a solid singer and one who would not have a career without Idol and to be honest, I'm not sure he will have a career if he doesn't win, but he kind of gives me the vibe that he doesn't care...I kind of feel like the industry would chew him up and spit him out and not even care. This was another solid performance and a pretty decent song choice. I thought he sang better last week, but this was okay. I think that he can't really compete with some of the other guys because they're just not in the same league. He's not a performer yet...
Michael Sarver: Ain't Too Proud to Beg--I've said it before and I'll say it again-- it would be pretty amazing to have a roughneck win American Idol. I know that many of the contestants have had the "rags to riches" kinds of stories, but this guy is straight up blue collar and that really intrigues me! Unfortunately, he just isn't the same kind of performer that could win this. He gives his all on the stage every night and that is very clear and it totally fits with the blue collar idea! He has pretty fantastic potential, but I'm not sure he's going to find it while on Idol. Maybe he'll have a country career after Idol is over and I think he would win over a lot of country fans-- I'm not going to lie, if he were to be a country singer that hit really hard on his blue collar roots, I would absolutely buy his CD.
Lil Rounds: Heatwave--Lil is a really great singer-- solid and has a power house voice. What Lil lacks is a real identity as an artist. She looks different each week that it doesn't always connect with her song. This week, her hair was too distracting for me and that is not helpful to her performance. This song is a toss up for me-- I have a soft spot in my heart for it because it was a show choir song, but that's why it also raises questions for me...it doesn't help to sowcase her as a relevant artist for me. It also felt like she oversang a tiny bit and was screaming at point. I think Kara was absolutely right, she was the diva everyone was waiting for and she didn't deliver.
Adam Lambert: Tracks of My Tears--I am not a fan of Adam Lambert. I am confused by what kind of artist he would be and I feel like he pushes the envelope just a little bit too far. I'm all for pushing the envelope, but he almost seems to push it just for the sake of pushing it, not for any real goal. I've said before that he really reminds me of Constantine Maroulis-- he's got the rocker and yet the drama/theater guy. That being said, I did really like this performance and thought that he nailed it vocally. It was beautiful and it did absolutely show a different side of him. I think on one hand it was a "surprising" performance, but on the other hand, I'm not all that surprised because he nailed it as a dramatic performance.
Danny Gokey: Get Ready--Danny is a solid singer and a solid performer. What I appreciate is that each week, you know that you're going to get a really solid and fun performance. It's not going to leave you empty. But the downside of that is that each week sounds just a little bit the same...I'd really like to see him mix it way up and do a really soft & tender ballad. This was a pretty decent performance, but I really wouldn't expect anything less. I really hope that he mixes it up next week. (because let's be honest, he's not going anywhere!)
Allison Iraheta: Papa Was a Rolling Stone--She has a tone to her voice that is way beyond her years. She is a phenomenal singer, but I can't decide if she is marketable or not...After being in the bottom 3 last week, I'm not sure how she connects with the audience at home. It is really hard to believe that she is only 16...her voice and performances seem to be so much older. This was an amazing song choice for her because it let her show off that voice that she's got. Natural talent.
Bottom 3: Michael Sarver, Megan Joy, Scott MacIntyre
Going Home: Michael Sarver (He's just had too many bad weeks in a row...)
Matt Giraud: Let's Get it On--Matt is a solid performer, but I don't see him as all together original yet. He seems like he might be a little shy as his taped pieces don't show a whole lot of his personality. He knows how to work the audience fairly well and is a pretty decent performer. He reminds me of a lot of people--Robin Thicke, Justin Timberlake, & a little Michael Buble...Maybe by being a combination of them he's a bit original? Another really solid performance and I think that he really stands a good chance at really having a career past Idol.
Kris Allen: How Sweet it Is--I don't see Kris as a performer. Yes, he's good and yes he can sing...But I just don't see anything in him that signifies longevity. He might do decent with one album, but I just don't see him with range. He does well each week, but just doesn't do anything particularly original. This performance was solid and each week, Kara is right-- he does "Kris"...I'd really like to hear what he would do if he wrote his own music and I might feel differently.
Scott MacIntyre: You Can't Hurry Love--This is not his genre and that's what I think really limits Scott. He does know who he is an artist and that's great, but he can't translate who he is as an artist to any other genre than where he is comfortable. And there is a disconnect between him and the audience. I dont' know if it's the piano or his differently abled-ness? But, he can sing and he can sing well, I just don't see him as a pop singer or necessarily with a huge career? I agree with Simon that it was the wrong song and I also would agree with his comment about being cheap. And I think Simon is right as well-- he doesn't know how to pick the right songs.
Megan Joy: For Once in My Life-- "half-jazz, half-cabaret"--great description! I think she is a very original artist and that does not play in her favor at times. This performance was kind of shmaltzy and bordering cheesy...I like her voice because it's different. But her dance moves are not that fantastic (and that's coming from someone who is also not a dancer!)...I'm really surprised that Simon didn't toss out the "cruise ship" description because that's exactly what I thought about it. I like her in the competition, but I don't know that she quite has the talent to pull it out.
Anoop Desai: Ooo, Baby, Baby--I do like Anoop because I think he is a solid singer and one who would not have a career without Idol and to be honest, I'm not sure he will have a career if he doesn't win, but he kind of gives me the vibe that he doesn't care...I kind of feel like the industry would chew him up and spit him out and not even care. This was another solid performance and a pretty decent song choice. I thought he sang better last week, but this was okay. I think that he can't really compete with some of the other guys because they're just not in the same league. He's not a performer yet...
Michael Sarver: Ain't Too Proud to Beg--I've said it before and I'll say it again-- it would be pretty amazing to have a roughneck win American Idol. I know that many of the contestants have had the "rags to riches" kinds of stories, but this guy is straight up blue collar and that really intrigues me! Unfortunately, he just isn't the same kind of performer that could win this. He gives his all on the stage every night and that is very clear and it totally fits with the blue collar idea! He has pretty fantastic potential, but I'm not sure he's going to find it while on Idol. Maybe he'll have a country career after Idol is over and I think he would win over a lot of country fans-- I'm not going to lie, if he were to be a country singer that hit really hard on his blue collar roots, I would absolutely buy his CD.
Lil Rounds: Heatwave--Lil is a really great singer-- solid and has a power house voice. What Lil lacks is a real identity as an artist. She looks different each week that it doesn't always connect with her song. This week, her hair was too distracting for me and that is not helpful to her performance. This song is a toss up for me-- I have a soft spot in my heart for it because it was a show choir song, but that's why it also raises questions for me...it doesn't help to sowcase her as a relevant artist for me. It also felt like she oversang a tiny bit and was screaming at point. I think Kara was absolutely right, she was the diva everyone was waiting for and she didn't deliver.
Adam Lambert: Tracks of My Tears--I am not a fan of Adam Lambert. I am confused by what kind of artist he would be and I feel like he pushes the envelope just a little bit too far. I'm all for pushing the envelope, but he almost seems to push it just for the sake of pushing it, not for any real goal. I've said before that he really reminds me of Constantine Maroulis-- he's got the rocker and yet the drama/theater guy. That being said, I did really like this performance and thought that he nailed it vocally. It was beautiful and it did absolutely show a different side of him. I think on one hand it was a "surprising" performance, but on the other hand, I'm not all that surprised because he nailed it as a dramatic performance.
Danny Gokey: Get Ready--Danny is a solid singer and a solid performer. What I appreciate is that each week, you know that you're going to get a really solid and fun performance. It's not going to leave you empty. But the downside of that is that each week sounds just a little bit the same...I'd really like to see him mix it way up and do a really soft & tender ballad. This was a pretty decent performance, but I really wouldn't expect anything less. I really hope that he mixes it up next week. (because let's be honest, he's not going anywhere!)
Allison Iraheta: Papa Was a Rolling Stone--She has a tone to her voice that is way beyond her years. She is a phenomenal singer, but I can't decide if she is marketable or not...After being in the bottom 3 last week, I'm not sure how she connects with the audience at home. It is really hard to believe that she is only 16...her voice and performances seem to be so much older. This was an amazing song choice for her because it let her show off that voice that she's got. Natural talent.
Bottom 3: Michael Sarver, Megan Joy, Scott MacIntyre
Going Home: Michael Sarver (He's just had too many bad weeks in a row...)
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Resistance & Repentance
Resistance & Repentance
Welcome to the 4th Sunday in Lent…Lent is the 6 weeks or 40 days that lead up to Easter. It’s the season in the church where we are preparing for the celebration of Jesus’ resurrection. But in order for Jesus to be resurrected, it means that Jesus has to die. So, Lent is that journey that we remember Jesus makes, but also that we make…So that we may trim away the part of us that needs to die in order for us to experience the full potential of Jesus’ resurrection. The way we have been doing that here at Sheridan-Norway United Methodist Churches is through our series, “From Hurt to Healing.” Each week, we’ve explored a theme or topic relating to being hurt or hurting others. We’ve discussed shame—the feeling that those victims or sinned-against feel when something has been done to them that is not right. We’ve discussed guilt—the feeling that offenders or sinners feel when they’ve done something wrong and they realize that it is wrong…And last week, we shook our pop cans up in our discussion of anger—what happens when our anger turns into rage and that it’s okay to be angry, but we need to be angry at the right things…And each week as we’ve done that, we’ve had some physical responses—we’ve been packing our suitcase along this journey & filling it with those things either an actual item or written down—those things that are keeping us from recognizing the full power of Easter and Jesus’ resurrection & our healing….
This week, we are starting to shift into healing…Our first 3 weeks were working at identifying the hurts or what may be at the center of those hurts…For those who experience shame, I hope that you’ve explored why that is for you—what has someone done that has developed that shame in you? Or what is it that you feel guilty about? What have you done to someone else that you feel you have done wrong? Or what are you truly angry about and how do you channel your anger into something positive rather than something destructive and avoiding rage.
Those who have been wounded naturally seek revenge in anger—destructive or creatively…Our job is to channel our anger into something creative rather than something destructive. The ideal situation when someone has been wronged would be for the offender to recognize it and seek forgiveness, but that doesn’t always happen. So if it doesn’t the victim needs to confront the offender because by doing nothing means that the victim allows the offender to live with their wrong. To punish or get rid of the offender in someone way really just starts a new cycle of resentment & violence…as Ghandi once said, “An eye for an eye ends up making the whole world blind.” And Jesus taught very clearly in our passage from Matthew about turning the other cheek. So what does it mean to turn the other cheek? Or go the second mile? Or give someone your cloak?
In his book From Hurt to Healing, Andrew Sung Park identifies three principles in Christian responses to victimization: challenge, care, & respect. Now, the order of these should be: care, respect, & challenge because we can’t challenge the offender without care or respect because if we didn’t—it would only lead to further conflict. Think about the last time someone had given you criticism…did you accept it or did you get offended? How much of that had to do with the person giving you the feedback and whether or not you knew that they cared about you?
Let’s look first at challenge…And we’ll look at it using the passage from Matthew—specifically: “If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.” Now, let’s look at this for a moment…In order to hit someone on the right cheek how do you have to do it? One of two ways—either with your left hand or with the back of your hand. Here’s what makes that offensive…the left hand in Jesus’ time was considered to be completely unclean…if you ate with the right hand—you did other business with the left hand. So to be slapped with a left hand was an insult and dirty…Now to receive a backhanded slap meant something very insulting and demeaning…Actually, today we don’t have wonderful slang terms to describe this type of slap either. What did it mean to be slapped with the back of someone’s hand? A backhanded slap was twice as insulting as a front handed slap. Because a backhanded slap was what one did to another who was inferior or less than them…Masters would backhand slaves to humiliate them… parents to children, Romans to Jews…It was a mark of insult to receive a backhanded slap. And Jesus challenges this behavior by saying, “If someone hits you on the right cheek, turn the other also.” Essentially Jesus is saying, “Let them hit you again.” Some of you may be a little shocked at hearing that because that’s not the way most people have heard or interpreted that part of the passage…This is a very clear form of non-violent resistance as Jesus is saying that the backhanded slap did not do what it was intended to do—I deny your power to humiliate me. Turning to offer the left cheek meant that it would be a front handed slap—the kind of slap that happened between equals. By turning the other cheek, Jesus is saying that we demand to be treated as an equal, not as someone who is less than.
The same is true as Jesus says, “If anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give them your cloak as well.” The cloak refers to the undergarments… So if someone sues you for your coat, give them your cloak as well…In order to give someone both your coat & cloak meant that you would be walking out of court naked. Which as it still is today, was taboo in Israel…But the shame was not on the person who was naked, but on the person who caused them to be naked. It was the Law of Moses that if anyone took someone’s cloak, they were required to give it back at the end of the day because it may be the only thing that they have to keep them warm at night. The very act of taking leaving naked will show the cruelty of a creditor who is exploiting someone who is poor. Walter Wink says that the act can be summed up this way, “You want my robe? Here, take everything! Now you’ve got all I have except my body. Is that what you’ll take next?”
Offenders can be challenged in several ways: nonviolent resistance, noncooperative resistance, civil disobedience, boy-cotts, sit-ins…The offended need to choose a form that does not avoid the principle of care. As Andrew Park says, “Challenge is not a choice but is an obligation for Christians in the face of injustice. Its goal is not to punish or destroy the offender but to help him or her be penitent.”
So what is care? Well let’s turn again to Matthew—“If anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile.” Roman soldiers had the right in those days to force labor on people—they could require someone to carry their supplies or gear for up to a mile, but because so many Roman soldiers had abused this…It was unlawful for a soldier to ask someone to go more than one mile. So, by going the second mile means that the Roman soldier is starting to get a little nervous! And could lead to a comedic scene as the Roman soldier begs the person carrying back his bags! By going the second mile, Jesus is teaching a new third way: not fight or flight, but find a creative alternative to violence and assert your own dignity & humanity. And most clearly doing this out of love…Unrelenting love.
It would be easy to receive a slap on the cheek and not do anything—avoid the person, but starting to build up resentment or hatred…But imagine if in love we demand justice and to be treated equally…If we care for a person, we want them to be better—we don’t want them to continue in their wrongs! It’s not easy to love those people, but if we love them we can’t let people continue in their wrongs…By being silent and not doing anything, we allow the destructive behavior to continue. But Jesus teaches us to overcome evil with good…with love & care.
Everyone needs respect—an attitude of admiration…respect provides positive self-esteem…If someone does not feel respected, it is nearly impossible for any kind of change or transformation to occur. But respect is mutual…both parties need to have a mutual respect for one another.
Elsewhere in Matthew, Jesus gives the ways that the church is deal with conflicts using these same principles. The first step is a private conversation—not calling attention to the issue for everyone, but saying it privately so as to preserve the honor of the individual. If that doesn’t work—the second step is to bring in one or two witnesses which provides protection for both parties. If that didn’t work, the third step was to involve the whole community. And if that didn’t work, the person was asked to leave until they were able to participate in reconciliation…until they were able to repent for what they had done.
Repentance is what we do when we feel guilty for doing something…Well it’s what we’re supposed to do when we feel guilty for doing something. Repentance is a transformation—first of the heart and then of the way that we live our life…The Roman Catholic Church has 6 steps to repentance, which have been tweaked a little bit for our purposes this morning…
First, repentance begins with contrition…which is an internal transformation. It is the decision before God to not repeat the sin. The act of contrition should come because God loves us and not out of fear—but love that leads us to love God & love others.
Second, confession is the next step…confession is an important step in being forgiven, because one needs to know what they’re asking forgiveness for! It can be uncomfortable to admit you were wrong or that you did something that was wrong, so this is a step that many people are unable to do. We’ll look at this more next week as we discuss forgiveness.
Third, repentance means changing one’s behavior…It is the turning around and going the other direction of what you were doing. It is the concrete response to the contrition—in contrition, we promise not to sin again and in repentance, we actually work on not sinning again.
Fourth, recompense—repentance is only genuine when it offers compensation…What can I do for what I have done? If you are not willing to sacrifice to make up for what you have done, you’re not willing to repent.
Fifth, asking for forgiveness. This doesn’t mean that you forget the acts of injustice, but that you are given new opportunities. We’ll explore forgiveness next week.
Sixth, Repentance leads to reconciliation. A genuine act of repentance leads to an opportunity to live in positive relationships once again.
The story of the prodigal child—the son who returned home realized that what he did was wrong…He demanded his inheritance which he essentially told his father he wished his father was dead because that’s the only way that you get an inheritance! Then, he squandered it all away and was forced to feed the pigs…So, recognizing what he had done, he decides that he’s going to go home…He has experienced contrition because he recognizes that he has sinned against God & his father…He has confessed to God and he’s on his way to confess to his father that he knows what he has done…He is going to change his behavior and repent…He is willing to work for his father in order to come home—he’s willing to be treated as though he were a servant in order to make up for what he’s done. He asks his father for forgiveness and ultimately, the father forgives him and they are reconciled in their relationship.
Repentance is done out of love not out of fear…We repent because a loving God leads us to repent not because we think God will love us if we do repent! We want to live our lives differently because God first loved us. We want to live in communion and community with others because God first loved us and God first loved all people!
Resistance is as much about us as repentance is…Both are about recognizing our sacred worth as individuals and that God does indeed love us enough to be better people. To be better than hurting people…To be better than being hurt…We are called to higher than that because of God’s love. God’s unrelenting and unconditional love that claims us as God’s own…The love of God that pulls us from the dark and broken places and gives us the courage that we need to work towards healing. This is not always an easy journey, but it is an important one.
This morning as Evrett plays a song for us, you may have the opportunity to come forward and place something in the suitcase…there is paper up here still to be able to write down someone that you have wronged or has wronged you…something that you need to repent for or something that you need to reclaim from someone else. The altar is also available to pray about those situations and places in your lives. After the song has ended, we will sing together the 4th verse of Amazing Grace.
Welcome to the 4th Sunday in Lent…Lent is the 6 weeks or 40 days that lead up to Easter. It’s the season in the church where we are preparing for the celebration of Jesus’ resurrection. But in order for Jesus to be resurrected, it means that Jesus has to die. So, Lent is that journey that we remember Jesus makes, but also that we make…So that we may trim away the part of us that needs to die in order for us to experience the full potential of Jesus’ resurrection. The way we have been doing that here at Sheridan-Norway United Methodist Churches is through our series, “From Hurt to Healing.” Each week, we’ve explored a theme or topic relating to being hurt or hurting others. We’ve discussed shame—the feeling that those victims or sinned-against feel when something has been done to them that is not right. We’ve discussed guilt—the feeling that offenders or sinners feel when they’ve done something wrong and they realize that it is wrong…And last week, we shook our pop cans up in our discussion of anger—what happens when our anger turns into rage and that it’s okay to be angry, but we need to be angry at the right things…And each week as we’ve done that, we’ve had some physical responses—we’ve been packing our suitcase along this journey & filling it with those things either an actual item or written down—those things that are keeping us from recognizing the full power of Easter and Jesus’ resurrection & our healing….
This week, we are starting to shift into healing…Our first 3 weeks were working at identifying the hurts or what may be at the center of those hurts…For those who experience shame, I hope that you’ve explored why that is for you—what has someone done that has developed that shame in you? Or what is it that you feel guilty about? What have you done to someone else that you feel you have done wrong? Or what are you truly angry about and how do you channel your anger into something positive rather than something destructive and avoiding rage.
Those who have been wounded naturally seek revenge in anger—destructive or creatively…Our job is to channel our anger into something creative rather than something destructive. The ideal situation when someone has been wronged would be for the offender to recognize it and seek forgiveness, but that doesn’t always happen. So if it doesn’t the victim needs to confront the offender because by doing nothing means that the victim allows the offender to live with their wrong. To punish or get rid of the offender in someone way really just starts a new cycle of resentment & violence…as Ghandi once said, “An eye for an eye ends up making the whole world blind.” And Jesus taught very clearly in our passage from Matthew about turning the other cheek. So what does it mean to turn the other cheek? Or go the second mile? Or give someone your cloak?
In his book From Hurt to Healing, Andrew Sung Park identifies three principles in Christian responses to victimization: challenge, care, & respect. Now, the order of these should be: care, respect, & challenge because we can’t challenge the offender without care or respect because if we didn’t—it would only lead to further conflict. Think about the last time someone had given you criticism…did you accept it or did you get offended? How much of that had to do with the person giving you the feedback and whether or not you knew that they cared about you?
Let’s look first at challenge…And we’ll look at it using the passage from Matthew—specifically: “If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.” Now, let’s look at this for a moment…In order to hit someone on the right cheek how do you have to do it? One of two ways—either with your left hand or with the back of your hand. Here’s what makes that offensive…the left hand in Jesus’ time was considered to be completely unclean…if you ate with the right hand—you did other business with the left hand. So to be slapped with a left hand was an insult and dirty…Now to receive a backhanded slap meant something very insulting and demeaning…Actually, today we don’t have wonderful slang terms to describe this type of slap either. What did it mean to be slapped with the back of someone’s hand? A backhanded slap was twice as insulting as a front handed slap. Because a backhanded slap was what one did to another who was inferior or less than them…Masters would backhand slaves to humiliate them… parents to children, Romans to Jews…It was a mark of insult to receive a backhanded slap. And Jesus challenges this behavior by saying, “If someone hits you on the right cheek, turn the other also.” Essentially Jesus is saying, “Let them hit you again.” Some of you may be a little shocked at hearing that because that’s not the way most people have heard or interpreted that part of the passage…This is a very clear form of non-violent resistance as Jesus is saying that the backhanded slap did not do what it was intended to do—I deny your power to humiliate me. Turning to offer the left cheek meant that it would be a front handed slap—the kind of slap that happened between equals. By turning the other cheek, Jesus is saying that we demand to be treated as an equal, not as someone who is less than.
The same is true as Jesus says, “If anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give them your cloak as well.” The cloak refers to the undergarments… So if someone sues you for your coat, give them your cloak as well…In order to give someone both your coat & cloak meant that you would be walking out of court naked. Which as it still is today, was taboo in Israel…But the shame was not on the person who was naked, but on the person who caused them to be naked. It was the Law of Moses that if anyone took someone’s cloak, they were required to give it back at the end of the day because it may be the only thing that they have to keep them warm at night. The very act of taking leaving naked will show the cruelty of a creditor who is exploiting someone who is poor. Walter Wink says that the act can be summed up this way, “You want my robe? Here, take everything! Now you’ve got all I have except my body. Is that what you’ll take next?”
Offenders can be challenged in several ways: nonviolent resistance, noncooperative resistance, civil disobedience, boy-cotts, sit-ins…The offended need to choose a form that does not avoid the principle of care. As Andrew Park says, “Challenge is not a choice but is an obligation for Christians in the face of injustice. Its goal is not to punish or destroy the offender but to help him or her be penitent.”
So what is care? Well let’s turn again to Matthew—“If anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile.” Roman soldiers had the right in those days to force labor on people—they could require someone to carry their supplies or gear for up to a mile, but because so many Roman soldiers had abused this…It was unlawful for a soldier to ask someone to go more than one mile. So, by going the second mile means that the Roman soldier is starting to get a little nervous! And could lead to a comedic scene as the Roman soldier begs the person carrying back his bags! By going the second mile, Jesus is teaching a new third way: not fight or flight, but find a creative alternative to violence and assert your own dignity & humanity. And most clearly doing this out of love…Unrelenting love.
It would be easy to receive a slap on the cheek and not do anything—avoid the person, but starting to build up resentment or hatred…But imagine if in love we demand justice and to be treated equally…If we care for a person, we want them to be better—we don’t want them to continue in their wrongs! It’s not easy to love those people, but if we love them we can’t let people continue in their wrongs…By being silent and not doing anything, we allow the destructive behavior to continue. But Jesus teaches us to overcome evil with good…with love & care.
Everyone needs respect—an attitude of admiration…respect provides positive self-esteem…If someone does not feel respected, it is nearly impossible for any kind of change or transformation to occur. But respect is mutual…both parties need to have a mutual respect for one another.
Elsewhere in Matthew, Jesus gives the ways that the church is deal with conflicts using these same principles. The first step is a private conversation—not calling attention to the issue for everyone, but saying it privately so as to preserve the honor of the individual. If that doesn’t work—the second step is to bring in one or two witnesses which provides protection for both parties. If that didn’t work, the third step was to involve the whole community. And if that didn’t work, the person was asked to leave until they were able to participate in reconciliation…until they were able to repent for what they had done.
Repentance is what we do when we feel guilty for doing something…Well it’s what we’re supposed to do when we feel guilty for doing something. Repentance is a transformation—first of the heart and then of the way that we live our life…The Roman Catholic Church has 6 steps to repentance, which have been tweaked a little bit for our purposes this morning…
First, repentance begins with contrition…which is an internal transformation. It is the decision before God to not repeat the sin. The act of contrition should come because God loves us and not out of fear—but love that leads us to love God & love others.
Second, confession is the next step…confession is an important step in being forgiven, because one needs to know what they’re asking forgiveness for! It can be uncomfortable to admit you were wrong or that you did something that was wrong, so this is a step that many people are unable to do. We’ll look at this more next week as we discuss forgiveness.
Third, repentance means changing one’s behavior…It is the turning around and going the other direction of what you were doing. It is the concrete response to the contrition—in contrition, we promise not to sin again and in repentance, we actually work on not sinning again.
Fourth, recompense—repentance is only genuine when it offers compensation…What can I do for what I have done? If you are not willing to sacrifice to make up for what you have done, you’re not willing to repent.
Fifth, asking for forgiveness. This doesn’t mean that you forget the acts of injustice, but that you are given new opportunities. We’ll explore forgiveness next week.
Sixth, Repentance leads to reconciliation. A genuine act of repentance leads to an opportunity to live in positive relationships once again.
The story of the prodigal child—the son who returned home realized that what he did was wrong…He demanded his inheritance which he essentially told his father he wished his father was dead because that’s the only way that you get an inheritance! Then, he squandered it all away and was forced to feed the pigs…So, recognizing what he had done, he decides that he’s going to go home…He has experienced contrition because he recognizes that he has sinned against God & his father…He has confessed to God and he’s on his way to confess to his father that he knows what he has done…He is going to change his behavior and repent…He is willing to work for his father in order to come home—he’s willing to be treated as though he were a servant in order to make up for what he’s done. He asks his father for forgiveness and ultimately, the father forgives him and they are reconciled in their relationship.
Repentance is done out of love not out of fear…We repent because a loving God leads us to repent not because we think God will love us if we do repent! We want to live our lives differently because God first loved us. We want to live in communion and community with others because God first loved us and God first loved all people!
Resistance is as much about us as repentance is…Both are about recognizing our sacred worth as individuals and that God does indeed love us enough to be better people. To be better than hurting people…To be better than being hurt…We are called to higher than that because of God’s love. God’s unrelenting and unconditional love that claims us as God’s own…The love of God that pulls us from the dark and broken places and gives us the courage that we need to work towards healing. This is not always an easy journey, but it is an important one.
This morning as Evrett plays a song for us, you may have the opportunity to come forward and place something in the suitcase…there is paper up here still to be able to write down someone that you have wronged or has wronged you…something that you need to repent for or something that you need to reclaim from someone else. The altar is also available to pray about those situations and places in your lives. After the song has ended, we will sing together the 4th verse of Amazing Grace.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
American Idol: Top 11
So, I cracked up on Friday when Joel McHale pointed out on The Soup that America had voted off two contestants who were ethnically diverse. Hmm....Interesting to point out Joel, thank you! Again, I still have to say that I'm really not excited about this season and I really don't have a clear cut person that I'm a huge fan of or anything like that...I guess it's also a big clue that I'm not all that interested because my DVR switched recording last Wednesday so I technically didn't watch who went home...But anyway, this is American Idol!
Country night is sometimes a scary night...There's several contestants who I think can handle it pretty well, and others that I think could crash and burn...So, we'll see what happens!
Michael Sarver: Ain't Goin Down Till the Sun Comes Up--It wasn't a stellar performance and he really should have been amazing this week. Truth be told, I wasn't impressed at all. I thought he lacked passion and conviction and was just trying to get through it...Josh Gracin did this song back in the day and he did it really fantastic...Michael Sarver really didn't sell it for me...
Alison Irheta: Blame it on Your Heart--She does have a maturity in her voice beyond her years. It was really a nice performance and very solid. I can't quite see her as the American Idol yet and I'm not sure that I see her quite as marketable, but I suppose it's possible...
Kris Allen: To Make You Feel My Love--Okay, I've known that Kris Allen can sing and he is totally marketable-- adorable sexy anyone? I thought this was a beautiful performance. The falsetto notes were gorgeous. I agree with what Kara said...it wasn't country, it was Kris Allen.
Lil Rounds: Independence Day--I don't know if there would have been a country song that I felt like Lil could connect with or that it looked like she should really sing this song...And maybe because Carrie Underwood had killed this song when she sang it back in the day...And Lil sang well, but it was not a good night for her simply because of the theme...
Adam Lambert: Ring of Fire--Loved Randy Travis' reaction to Adam Lambert! Too cute! It kind of made Randy Travis more likeable than Adam Lambert. Who sings this version? I'd like to hear it from the original artist...Okay, here are my thoughts...I don't like Adam Lambert. I think he's way too dramatic and not a pop singer. Once again, I see him as Constantine Maroulis...I didn't really like it over all, but I do give him props for sticking to his style. I kind of agree with Simon's comments a whole lot...
Scott MacIntyre: Wild Angels--hmmm...Another performance that was fairly solid, but just not fantstic...I really didn't like it all that much but not because it felt like there were a lot of off notes or that he was off key...I kind of agree with both Simon & Paula...I don't know if it's being behind the piano that is disconnecting or if it is the song choice. I think Kara gave a good summary of the critiques...
Alexis Grace: Jolene--I feel like she constantly over-sings...In theory I think was a decent song, and I do feel like it's a little edgy, just not "angry"...I do also think that it's a forgetable performance, and I can't decide if that will hurt her?
Danny Gokey: Jesus Take the Wheel--I was wondering who would do this song! I figured someone would...I felt like this was a song that he really connected with...That he really meant every word that he was singing and it totally fits with what he does for a living! I can't decide if he was just overcome with passion or oversinging at some points...The beginning was a little shaky as it was the softer part of the song, but once he got into it, he really tried to sell it! He did a pretty good job with it.
Anoop Desai: Always on My Mind--Wow! Great, great song choice. This was a wonderful and powerful performance. Honest, vulnerable, great. One of the best of the night, truly. He nailed this hardcore. Anoop-dog is back!
Megan Joy Corkrey: Walking After Midnight--When did she change her name to Megan Joy? I mean, obviously that's her name, but when did she drop the "Corkrey"? Anyway...This was a good song choice and good performance from her. She does a pretty good job at being herself on stage and that's really good. Please don't vote for her because she's sick-- vote for her because she had a good performance.
Matt Giraud: So Small--Another solid performance and I have to say, I was kind of skeptical with the choice, but he really did well with it! I think he's a little bit of the dark horse...I'm not sure if he's going to win, but I see him comfortably in the top 3. He kind of gives off the 3rd place finisher vibe...
Here's what I think...I think that the judges don't have a favorite yet either-- they're pimping several of them right now and I can't figure out who their favorite is yet...
Bottom 3: Michael Sarver, Lil Rounds, Alexis Grace
Going Home: Michael Sarver
Country night is sometimes a scary night...There's several contestants who I think can handle it pretty well, and others that I think could crash and burn...So, we'll see what happens!
Michael Sarver: Ain't Goin Down Till the Sun Comes Up--It wasn't a stellar performance and he really should have been amazing this week. Truth be told, I wasn't impressed at all. I thought he lacked passion and conviction and was just trying to get through it...Josh Gracin did this song back in the day and he did it really fantastic...Michael Sarver really didn't sell it for me...
Alison Irheta: Blame it on Your Heart--She does have a maturity in her voice beyond her years. It was really a nice performance and very solid. I can't quite see her as the American Idol yet and I'm not sure that I see her quite as marketable, but I suppose it's possible...
Kris Allen: To Make You Feel My Love--Okay, I've known that Kris Allen can sing and he is totally marketable-- adorable sexy anyone? I thought this was a beautiful performance. The falsetto notes were gorgeous. I agree with what Kara said...it wasn't country, it was Kris Allen.
Lil Rounds: Independence Day--I don't know if there would have been a country song that I felt like Lil could connect with or that it looked like she should really sing this song...And maybe because Carrie Underwood had killed this song when she sang it back in the day...And Lil sang well, but it was not a good night for her simply because of the theme...
Adam Lambert: Ring of Fire--Loved Randy Travis' reaction to Adam Lambert! Too cute! It kind of made Randy Travis more likeable than Adam Lambert. Who sings this version? I'd like to hear it from the original artist...Okay, here are my thoughts...I don't like Adam Lambert. I think he's way too dramatic and not a pop singer. Once again, I see him as Constantine Maroulis...I didn't really like it over all, but I do give him props for sticking to his style. I kind of agree with Simon's comments a whole lot...
Scott MacIntyre: Wild Angels--hmmm...Another performance that was fairly solid, but just not fantstic...I really didn't like it all that much but not because it felt like there were a lot of off notes or that he was off key...I kind of agree with both Simon & Paula...I don't know if it's being behind the piano that is disconnecting or if it is the song choice. I think Kara gave a good summary of the critiques...
Alexis Grace: Jolene--I feel like she constantly over-sings...In theory I think was a decent song, and I do feel like it's a little edgy, just not "angry"...I do also think that it's a forgetable performance, and I can't decide if that will hurt her?
Danny Gokey: Jesus Take the Wheel--I was wondering who would do this song! I figured someone would...I felt like this was a song that he really connected with...That he really meant every word that he was singing and it totally fits with what he does for a living! I can't decide if he was just overcome with passion or oversinging at some points...The beginning was a little shaky as it was the softer part of the song, but once he got into it, he really tried to sell it! He did a pretty good job with it.
Anoop Desai: Always on My Mind--Wow! Great, great song choice. This was a wonderful and powerful performance. Honest, vulnerable, great. One of the best of the night, truly. He nailed this hardcore. Anoop-dog is back!
Megan Joy Corkrey: Walking After Midnight--When did she change her name to Megan Joy? I mean, obviously that's her name, but when did she drop the "Corkrey"? Anyway...This was a good song choice and good performance from her. She does a pretty good job at being herself on stage and that's really good. Please don't vote for her because she's sick-- vote for her because she had a good performance.
Matt Giraud: So Small--Another solid performance and I have to say, I was kind of skeptical with the choice, but he really did well with it! I think he's a little bit of the dark horse...I'm not sure if he's going to win, but I see him comfortably in the top 3. He kind of gives off the 3rd place finisher vibe...
Here's what I think...I think that the judges don't have a favorite yet either-- they're pimping several of them right now and I can't figure out who their favorite is yet...
Bottom 3: Michael Sarver, Lil Rounds, Alexis Grace
Going Home: Michael Sarver
Sunday, March 15, 2009
From Hurt to Healing: Anger
Personal Note: I shared a story this morning that I'm not comfortable posting in my blog here, so I've taken it out. It may seem to not follow in here for that reason.
Anger
For the last few weeks, we have been in the season called Lent…Lent is the season in the church as we prepare for Easter. Lent is a time of working on eliminating or trimming something in our lives that keeps us from recognizing the full potential & power of Easter…Jesus’ journey of Lent took him from his ministry to his death and ultimately his resurrection…As we join that journey with Jesus, our Lenten journey is also taking us from hurt to healing. As we’ve been on this journey, we have been packing our suitcase and putting in their some of our hurts & things that have kept us from fully understanding the full power of Easter & Jesus’ resurrection.
Our first week of Lent, we explored shame—the feeling that victims or those sinned-against feel when they have been wronged…Last week, we explored guilt—the feeling that sinners or offenders feel when they have done something wrong and feel bad about it…Now, both of those emotions lead into our topic & feeling for this morning as we explore anger.
Now, our first day with the series, I had asked how many people had been hurt or had hurt others and well, every hand was raised…I would guess that if I asked this morning how many people had been angry, the same thing would happen! All of us have been angry at one time or another and some people are just angry all the time and others it seems like nothing ever bothers them…And some anger can be helpful as a way that we preserve our boundaries or our integrity…Or to help propel us to work for justice. But, the problem is that most anger is not all that helpful…Especially prolonged anger and especially not rage! This morning, we’ll look at shame anger & guilt anger.
If shame is the emotion and reaction of those who have been sinned against, then shame anger is the anger of the offended…It’s also called assertive anger because it is positive and constructive. Assertive anger is a just response to injustice and evil, or a self-protective response to a threat. This type of anger seeks to make a relationship or situation better rather than worse. It doesn’t mean that you ignore the situation, just that you share your feelings with honesty to improve a relationship.
And if guilt is what we feel when we recognize that we have done something wrong…Guilt anger is the anger of offenders. It’s also described as aggressive anger which comes from a desire to control rather than repair. Some behaviors that are associated with this anger are: humiliation, exploitation, domination, denigration…It is usually expressed through shouting, threatening and blaming. Now these expressions may help momentarily to make someone feel better, but long term they greatly affect relationships and may remove trust, cooperation, and respect. This kind of anger usually comes about because facing the guilt of our sins is painful and that pain turns into anger. You may have heard it said that we often lash out at the things that we dislike about ourselves…For example; I once worked with an alcoholic who had secretly begun drinking again. Before he confessed this, he would go on tirades against anyone who had any alcoholic drink. He would belittle and mock and judge these people when really, he wanted to belittle, mock, and judge himself. The pain of facing his guilt caused him to act out in anger to others. This anger is what Paul is referring to in his letter to the Colossians…this anger that is destructive rather than helpful.
The acting out in anger that is uncontrollable is rage…Anger can be controlled, but rage cannot. Anger can be a strength that protects us, but rage’s explosive nature can harm us. We’ve probably also experienced this reaction both on our parts as we have acted out in rage and on the receiving end as someone has acted in rage towards us.
So how do we keep that from happening? From our anger turning into rage? In his book, From Hurt to Healing, Andrew Sung Park gives some helpful steps…First; wait until your fury has cooled down. In the passion of anger, our perception is exaggerated and warped and we don’t necessarily see things as they really are because we can’t see things out of the lens of our anger. In this state, we can say or do things to intentionally hurt the other person which would ruin the opportunity to make the relationship better. Now this cooling off time is not ignoring your anger, but rather actually acknowledging it. To understand that yes, I am angry which means I am not really thinking clearly, so once the heat of emotion has passed, the power of reason can balance our emotions out. You don’t have to lose the passion of anger because that’s controllable…rage is what is not controllable.
The second step is to accept our anger as it is. Which means that we don’t deny our anger or try to repress it, but we become aware of it and we own it instead of letting it own us. Being angry itself is not necessarily a bad thing because it’s a natural response to injustice or threat and that in and of itself is not a sin—but acting in rage is a sin. To be aware and accept our anger, we need to locate its source—not to rationalize, but to understand where it really comes from. When we find the source of the anger, we can decide what our response is to the one who provoked our anger…
The third step is to understand our offenders. Andrew Sung Park says it this way, “Understanding the bondage our offenders are in can give us compassion for them. When we understand our offenders in their vulnerability, anxiety, fear, false security and brokenness, the heart of concern emerges from within us. Also, although our offenders may appear to be invulnerable, strong, and arrogant, they are in reality miserable before God. They condemn themselves by their own actions.” This does not mean that it excuses the offender in any way, shape or form or that we in some way made them do something.
Here’s what we’re like sometimes…you heard as I talked with the kids this morning about being like Coke…Sometimes I just feel so refreshing and cool…but then someone says or does something to rile me up and I just shaken a little bit…Or something happens here and I get a little more upset…and a little more and more and more…Now, we can see from the bottle here, that I’m a little bit less than refreshing right now, right? But to myself, I still am…I’m cool and refreshing, so I should just open myself up, right? Now I see once again the panicked looked on some of your faces as you think about me opening this bottle…Why? Because it would go all over, right? And you can see that pretty clearly through the bottle…But what if I’m more like this can? And the same things have happened…Several things have happened and I get shaken up and shaken up…But you can’t see that through the aluminum of the can…But the same reaction would be there…No matter how refreshing I still think that I might be, I might just explode instead…And then what happens? Well, there are two options…Clearly, there’s a mess that’s been made…and I can do two things…I can wipe up the spill and clean up the mess or I can ignore it and leave it…Now, if I ignore it and leave it what happens? Maybe it’ll collect some ants or other insects…but anyone who’s been in a movie theater has probably felt that stickiness of the floor…the floor which has had plenty of pop spilled on it and probably not cleaned up right away and so it gets sticky…So that the next person who walks through there as innocent as they may be gets a little bit stuck…The same is true when we are angry and we’ve acted out of rage…we can clean up the mess that we’ve made…apologize try to make amends—As Jesus says from our Gospel passage, come to terms with our accusers—those that we have truly wronged—admit it to them and apologize and make amends…So, we can try to clean up the mess that we’ve made…Or we can just leave it there and someone else might get stuck by the mess we made…They may not have been there in our original outburst, but they still feel the sting of rage. Sometimes we know that we’re not all that cool & refreshing anymore, but we think that we’ll be the only ones affected when we open up that can…but the thing with the carbonated beverage is that it doesn’t really just go one way—it’s kind of unpredictable and goes its own way and we can’t control it…Like our rage—it’s not just something that effects us, but we can’t control where it goes and it may hit someone else in the process.
Jesus says in our Gospel passage from this morning…that “you’ve heard it said that you shall not commit murder or you will be liable for judgment…But I tell you, anyone who is angry with or insults or says “you fool”, they are just as liable to judgment…” It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be angry, but when we act in rage, it can be extremely hurtful. In the movie Gran Torino, Clint Eastwood’s character, Walt Kowalski, is very racist and extremely stubborn. The way that he expresses himself is often very hurtful, even in cases when he may be right. Walt’s prize possession is his 1972 Gran Torino—beautiful and in perfect condition…Walt’s next door neighbor, Tao broke into his garage one evening because he needed to steal the car in order to be initiated into a gang. Tao really didn’t want to do it at all, but was pressured and forced into trying to steal the car…Walt catches Tao in the act and forces Tao out of the garage at gun point. Trying to entice Tao or someone else to just try and steal his car, he puts it out front and shows it off…What happens instead is the gang members come back to Tao’s house and try and punish him for not succeeding…As the fight rolls over into Walt’s yard, he forces the gang members to leave the property, which in return probably saves Tao’s life. Here’s the response from the community. (clip). First of all Walt doesn’t want the attention because he doesn’t think he’s done anything heroic and he has a lot of guilt over the mistakes he’s made in his life…He takes his guilt out on everyone else in the form of his guilt anger…and in this case, he has been wronged by Tao trying to steal his car—something that is not okay…But by acting out from his shame anger, Walt makes it clear that he is not interested in making their relationship better, but instead threatens Tao’s life… What we say and do affects other people…Whether we think it does or not…What we say and do affects other people…How we say it, what we do…What we say and do affects other people…What other people say and do affect us, whether we want to admit it or not…How do you respond…Do you seek reconciliation like Jesus says or do you try and destroy the relationship? St. Francis of Assisi offers this blessing, “May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. Amen. May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. Amen. May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. Amen. May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen.”
This morning during our invitation to the Lenten journey, you may come forward with your pop can to place in the suitcase—opened or unopened to symbolize putting your rage aside…or maybe there is something in particular that you need to let your fury cool down before you are able to fully embrace Easter. Write it down on this paper and put it in an envelope with your name on the front and then place it in the suitcase. Evrett will play a song for you to reflect what that might be and give you an opportunity to come forward and then we will sing the 3rd verse of Amazing Grace…
Anger
For the last few weeks, we have been in the season called Lent…Lent is the season in the church as we prepare for Easter. Lent is a time of working on eliminating or trimming something in our lives that keeps us from recognizing the full potential & power of Easter…Jesus’ journey of Lent took him from his ministry to his death and ultimately his resurrection…As we join that journey with Jesus, our Lenten journey is also taking us from hurt to healing. As we’ve been on this journey, we have been packing our suitcase and putting in their some of our hurts & things that have kept us from fully understanding the full power of Easter & Jesus’ resurrection.
Our first week of Lent, we explored shame—the feeling that victims or those sinned-against feel when they have been wronged…Last week, we explored guilt—the feeling that sinners or offenders feel when they have done something wrong and feel bad about it…Now, both of those emotions lead into our topic & feeling for this morning as we explore anger.
Now, our first day with the series, I had asked how many people had been hurt or had hurt others and well, every hand was raised…I would guess that if I asked this morning how many people had been angry, the same thing would happen! All of us have been angry at one time or another and some people are just angry all the time and others it seems like nothing ever bothers them…And some anger can be helpful as a way that we preserve our boundaries or our integrity…Or to help propel us to work for justice. But, the problem is that most anger is not all that helpful…Especially prolonged anger and especially not rage! This morning, we’ll look at shame anger & guilt anger.
If shame is the emotion and reaction of those who have been sinned against, then shame anger is the anger of the offended…It’s also called assertive anger because it is positive and constructive. Assertive anger is a just response to injustice and evil, or a self-protective response to a threat. This type of anger seeks to make a relationship or situation better rather than worse. It doesn’t mean that you ignore the situation, just that you share your feelings with honesty to improve a relationship.
And if guilt is what we feel when we recognize that we have done something wrong…Guilt anger is the anger of offenders. It’s also described as aggressive anger which comes from a desire to control rather than repair. Some behaviors that are associated with this anger are: humiliation, exploitation, domination, denigration…It is usually expressed through shouting, threatening and blaming. Now these expressions may help momentarily to make someone feel better, but long term they greatly affect relationships and may remove trust, cooperation, and respect. This kind of anger usually comes about because facing the guilt of our sins is painful and that pain turns into anger. You may have heard it said that we often lash out at the things that we dislike about ourselves…For example; I once worked with an alcoholic who had secretly begun drinking again. Before he confessed this, he would go on tirades against anyone who had any alcoholic drink. He would belittle and mock and judge these people when really, he wanted to belittle, mock, and judge himself. The pain of facing his guilt caused him to act out in anger to others. This anger is what Paul is referring to in his letter to the Colossians…this anger that is destructive rather than helpful.
The acting out in anger that is uncontrollable is rage…Anger can be controlled, but rage cannot. Anger can be a strength that protects us, but rage’s explosive nature can harm us. We’ve probably also experienced this reaction both on our parts as we have acted out in rage and on the receiving end as someone has acted in rage towards us.
So how do we keep that from happening? From our anger turning into rage? In his book, From Hurt to Healing, Andrew Sung Park gives some helpful steps…First; wait until your fury has cooled down. In the passion of anger, our perception is exaggerated and warped and we don’t necessarily see things as they really are because we can’t see things out of the lens of our anger. In this state, we can say or do things to intentionally hurt the other person which would ruin the opportunity to make the relationship better. Now this cooling off time is not ignoring your anger, but rather actually acknowledging it. To understand that yes, I am angry which means I am not really thinking clearly, so once the heat of emotion has passed, the power of reason can balance our emotions out. You don’t have to lose the passion of anger because that’s controllable…rage is what is not controllable.
The second step is to accept our anger as it is. Which means that we don’t deny our anger or try to repress it, but we become aware of it and we own it instead of letting it own us. Being angry itself is not necessarily a bad thing because it’s a natural response to injustice or threat and that in and of itself is not a sin—but acting in rage is a sin. To be aware and accept our anger, we need to locate its source—not to rationalize, but to understand where it really comes from. When we find the source of the anger, we can decide what our response is to the one who provoked our anger…
The third step is to understand our offenders. Andrew Sung Park says it this way, “Understanding the bondage our offenders are in can give us compassion for them. When we understand our offenders in their vulnerability, anxiety, fear, false security and brokenness, the heart of concern emerges from within us. Also, although our offenders may appear to be invulnerable, strong, and arrogant, they are in reality miserable before God. They condemn themselves by their own actions.” This does not mean that it excuses the offender in any way, shape or form or that we in some way made them do something.
Here’s what we’re like sometimes…you heard as I talked with the kids this morning about being like Coke…Sometimes I just feel so refreshing and cool…but then someone says or does something to rile me up and I just shaken a little bit…Or something happens here and I get a little more upset…and a little more and more and more…Now, we can see from the bottle here, that I’m a little bit less than refreshing right now, right? But to myself, I still am…I’m cool and refreshing, so I should just open myself up, right? Now I see once again the panicked looked on some of your faces as you think about me opening this bottle…Why? Because it would go all over, right? And you can see that pretty clearly through the bottle…But what if I’m more like this can? And the same things have happened…Several things have happened and I get shaken up and shaken up…But you can’t see that through the aluminum of the can…But the same reaction would be there…No matter how refreshing I still think that I might be, I might just explode instead…And then what happens? Well, there are two options…Clearly, there’s a mess that’s been made…and I can do two things…I can wipe up the spill and clean up the mess or I can ignore it and leave it…Now, if I ignore it and leave it what happens? Maybe it’ll collect some ants or other insects…but anyone who’s been in a movie theater has probably felt that stickiness of the floor…the floor which has had plenty of pop spilled on it and probably not cleaned up right away and so it gets sticky…So that the next person who walks through there as innocent as they may be gets a little bit stuck…The same is true when we are angry and we’ve acted out of rage…we can clean up the mess that we’ve made…apologize try to make amends—As Jesus says from our Gospel passage, come to terms with our accusers—those that we have truly wronged—admit it to them and apologize and make amends…So, we can try to clean up the mess that we’ve made…Or we can just leave it there and someone else might get stuck by the mess we made…They may not have been there in our original outburst, but they still feel the sting of rage. Sometimes we know that we’re not all that cool & refreshing anymore, but we think that we’ll be the only ones affected when we open up that can…but the thing with the carbonated beverage is that it doesn’t really just go one way—it’s kind of unpredictable and goes its own way and we can’t control it…Like our rage—it’s not just something that effects us, but we can’t control where it goes and it may hit someone else in the process.
Jesus says in our Gospel passage from this morning…that “you’ve heard it said that you shall not commit murder or you will be liable for judgment…But I tell you, anyone who is angry with or insults or says “you fool”, they are just as liable to judgment…” It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be angry, but when we act in rage, it can be extremely hurtful. In the movie Gran Torino, Clint Eastwood’s character, Walt Kowalski, is very racist and extremely stubborn. The way that he expresses himself is often very hurtful, even in cases when he may be right. Walt’s prize possession is his 1972 Gran Torino—beautiful and in perfect condition…Walt’s next door neighbor, Tao broke into his garage one evening because he needed to steal the car in order to be initiated into a gang. Tao really didn’t want to do it at all, but was pressured and forced into trying to steal the car…Walt catches Tao in the act and forces Tao out of the garage at gun point. Trying to entice Tao or someone else to just try and steal his car, he puts it out front and shows it off…What happens instead is the gang members come back to Tao’s house and try and punish him for not succeeding…As the fight rolls over into Walt’s yard, he forces the gang members to leave the property, which in return probably saves Tao’s life. Here’s the response from the community. (clip). First of all Walt doesn’t want the attention because he doesn’t think he’s done anything heroic and he has a lot of guilt over the mistakes he’s made in his life…He takes his guilt out on everyone else in the form of his guilt anger…and in this case, he has been wronged by Tao trying to steal his car—something that is not okay…But by acting out from his shame anger, Walt makes it clear that he is not interested in making their relationship better, but instead threatens Tao’s life… What we say and do affects other people…Whether we think it does or not…What we say and do affects other people…How we say it, what we do…What we say and do affects other people…What other people say and do affect us, whether we want to admit it or not…How do you respond…Do you seek reconciliation like Jesus says or do you try and destroy the relationship? St. Francis of Assisi offers this blessing, “May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. Amen. May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. Amen. May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. Amen. May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen.”
This morning during our invitation to the Lenten journey, you may come forward with your pop can to place in the suitcase—opened or unopened to symbolize putting your rage aside…or maybe there is something in particular that you need to let your fury cool down before you are able to fully embrace Easter. Write it down on this paper and put it in an envelope with your name on the front and then place it in the suitcase. Evrett will play a song for you to reflect what that might be and give you an opportunity to come forward and then we will sing the 3rd verse of Amazing Grace…
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
American Idol Top 13
So, I'm still not in love with this group of contestants...I'm not sure if I will be as the season progresses or not. I'm really not feeling it this year! So, we'll see what comes to be. There's usually at least one contestant that I feel gaga over (even if they aren't the winner) and there's really not one of those this year. I guess we'll see and maybe something tonight will change my mind, but I'm not really looking that way!
So, what are the 13 going to be able to do with the music of Michael Jackson (and will he be on the show tomorrow to also advertise his new tour--or is that just in Europe?)...and 2 are going home? I'm really not surprised, I knew that at some point 2 of them were going to get sent home...
Lil Rounds: The Way You Make Me Feel--I think she could stand a little bit of help connecting with audience a little bit, but she could get there fairly easily. She ahs a really good voice and she did well with the song. I think the outfit didn't quite match her performance--it was a little feminine for the song & performance-- she looked great, but just not fitting the image of the song.
Scott Macintyre: Keep the Faith--He looks the most comfortable when he's behind the piano and I think that's clearly his comfort zone. He connected really well with the song and I agree he is true to himself. I don't think that he's going anywhere for awhile, but I'm not positive that I hear him on the radio-- he reminds me slightly of Josh Groban...I think the word safe does sum it up, but he's still good!
Danny Gokey: PYT (Pretty Young Thing)--When he finally got into it, he rocked it, but it did take him a little bit to get into it and either feel comfortable or get over nerves. It was good and great audience participation and way to involve the audience. It'll be interesting to see what happens with Paula's prediction...
Michael Sarver: You are Not Alone--I love the idea of a roughneck going on to win American Idol and it was really interesting to see his taped piece of going back to work all Idol'd out...He's likable so that's something that he's got going for him, but the vocals were a little weak tonight...He started to oversing it in the end to overcompensate or maybe because of the competition that he has seen so far? I think that they're right-- he does take this very serious, but I don't find that surprising considering who he is.
Jasmine Murray: I'll Be There--She is a powerhouse and has a great voice...I'm not so sold on her stage presence, but it wasn't awful. I'm not completely excited about her totally, but I'm not against her either...
Kris Allen: Remember the Time--I absolutely don't know where he came from-- I was shocked when he was voted through! I could really like him, but I'm not there right now...He is adorable! He's got some stage presence and I think he's more comfortable with an instrument, so well see how that plays out!
Allison Iraheta: Give In To Me--Did I hear cowbell in her performance? She is a performer beyond her years. She can work that stage and she has vocals to go with it. It wasn't a perofmance that hit every note perfect, but she is definately a performer. I've heard her described as the "dark horse", but I don't think that's an acurate description. I think she's marketable enough to make it all the way, but we'll see what happens?
Anoop Desai: Beat It--I love Anoop and I'm so glad that he's in the competition...That being said...this was not an amazing performance...He was channeling Michael Jakcson hardcore with his dance moves! It wasn't terrible and I don't think that there were many off notes...It was a little karoke...I hope that he sticks around because I think he's needed in the competition!
Jorge Nunez: Never Can Say Goodbye--Oh Jorge...don't ever sing a song with "goodbye" in the song! That's a kiss of death...It wasn't an awful performance, as in all the notes were off key...I think that they were right about him not connecting emotionally at all.
Megan Joy Corkrey: Rockin' Robin--She doesn't look comfortable on the stage yet and if this is really the first time that she's been on stage before, that doesn't surprise me at all. It's something that she can work on. Her voice is nice and unique, but I'm not sure how it'll be for all the different genres...
Adam Lambert: Black or White--I don't like Adam Lambert and I can't tell you why...I don't think that he's as good as all the hype and I'm not a huge fan of his style of music either. But there's something about him that I almost feel is a poser...Truthfully (and I think I've said it before) he reminds me totally of Constantine Maroulis from a couple years ago...I don't think he's going anywhere, but his voice is going to get old for me really fast.
Matt Giraud: Human Nature--I like his style, but was this right song choice for him? I'm not sure...He sang it well, but I don't know that it was memorable for me. He really reminds me a lot of Justin Timberlake and I don't hear him as particularly original...I think "solid" was a good way to describe it.
Alexis Grace: Dirty Diana--She's another one that has stage presence going huge for her...She knows how to work that stage. I don't remember liking her that much before or thinking that she was as much of a powerhouse as I did tonight. I think the different number could affect her, but we'll see what happens tomorrow!
Bottom four: Jorge Nunez, Anoop Desai, Michael Sarver, Megan Corkrey
Going home: Jorge Nunez & Michael Sarver
So, what are the 13 going to be able to do with the music of Michael Jackson (and will he be on the show tomorrow to also advertise his new tour--or is that just in Europe?)...and 2 are going home? I'm really not surprised, I knew that at some point 2 of them were going to get sent home...
Lil Rounds: The Way You Make Me Feel--I think she could stand a little bit of help connecting with audience a little bit, but she could get there fairly easily. She ahs a really good voice and she did well with the song. I think the outfit didn't quite match her performance--it was a little feminine for the song & performance-- she looked great, but just not fitting the image of the song.
Scott Macintyre: Keep the Faith--He looks the most comfortable when he's behind the piano and I think that's clearly his comfort zone. He connected really well with the song and I agree he is true to himself. I don't think that he's going anywhere for awhile, but I'm not positive that I hear him on the radio-- he reminds me slightly of Josh Groban...I think the word safe does sum it up, but he's still good!
Danny Gokey: PYT (Pretty Young Thing)--When he finally got into it, he rocked it, but it did take him a little bit to get into it and either feel comfortable or get over nerves. It was good and great audience participation and way to involve the audience. It'll be interesting to see what happens with Paula's prediction...
Michael Sarver: You are Not Alone--I love the idea of a roughneck going on to win American Idol and it was really interesting to see his taped piece of going back to work all Idol'd out...He's likable so that's something that he's got going for him, but the vocals were a little weak tonight...He started to oversing it in the end to overcompensate or maybe because of the competition that he has seen so far? I think that they're right-- he does take this very serious, but I don't find that surprising considering who he is.
Jasmine Murray: I'll Be There--She is a powerhouse and has a great voice...I'm not so sold on her stage presence, but it wasn't awful. I'm not completely excited about her totally, but I'm not against her either...
Kris Allen: Remember the Time--I absolutely don't know where he came from-- I was shocked when he was voted through! I could really like him, but I'm not there right now...He is adorable! He's got some stage presence and I think he's more comfortable with an instrument, so well see how that plays out!
Allison Iraheta: Give In To Me--Did I hear cowbell in her performance? She is a performer beyond her years. She can work that stage and she has vocals to go with it. It wasn't a perofmance that hit every note perfect, but she is definately a performer. I've heard her described as the "dark horse", but I don't think that's an acurate description. I think she's marketable enough to make it all the way, but we'll see what happens?
Anoop Desai: Beat It--I love Anoop and I'm so glad that he's in the competition...That being said...this was not an amazing performance...He was channeling Michael Jakcson hardcore with his dance moves! It wasn't terrible and I don't think that there were many off notes...It was a little karoke...I hope that he sticks around because I think he's needed in the competition!
Jorge Nunez: Never Can Say Goodbye--Oh Jorge...don't ever sing a song with "goodbye" in the song! That's a kiss of death...It wasn't an awful performance, as in all the notes were off key...I think that they were right about him not connecting emotionally at all.
Megan Joy Corkrey: Rockin' Robin--She doesn't look comfortable on the stage yet and if this is really the first time that she's been on stage before, that doesn't surprise me at all. It's something that she can work on. Her voice is nice and unique, but I'm not sure how it'll be for all the different genres...
Adam Lambert: Black or White--I don't like Adam Lambert and I can't tell you why...I don't think that he's as good as all the hype and I'm not a huge fan of his style of music either. But there's something about him that I almost feel is a poser...Truthfully (and I think I've said it before) he reminds me totally of Constantine Maroulis from a couple years ago...I don't think he's going anywhere, but his voice is going to get old for me really fast.
Matt Giraud: Human Nature--I like his style, but was this right song choice for him? I'm not sure...He sang it well, but I don't know that it was memorable for me. He really reminds me a lot of Justin Timberlake and I don't hear him as particularly original...I think "solid" was a good way to describe it.
Alexis Grace: Dirty Diana--She's another one that has stage presence going huge for her...She knows how to work that stage. I don't remember liking her that much before or thinking that she was as much of a powerhouse as I did tonight. I think the different number could affect her, but we'll see what happens tomorrow!
Bottom four: Jorge Nunez, Anoop Desai, Michael Sarver, Megan Corkrey
Going home: Jorge Nunez & Michael Sarver
Musings for the morning...
I woke up crabby this morning and to be quite honest, I still am a little bit...I need to get some more sleep and I'm fully aware of that, but I have very little room in my schedule for that. I know, pity--party of 1? I'm working on it...I absolutely wish that there were a Starbucks closer right now because I would absolutely go right now and hopefully that would brighten my mood a little bit!
Anyway-- when I get this crabby, my inhibitions usually go and I'm a little bit more honest than I probably should be (did anybody see House last night?) and that's not always helpful...plus I just get really snarky and that's not helpful for anyone! So, I usually try and avoid people when this happens because I just know how I get. Yeah, you try and avoid people when you're a pastor!
I got up early this morning to open up the Food Pantry at the church because the person that usually does it is on vacation. Now, I fully support this ministry and think that it is vital for the community, but I'm not going to lie-- that early morning wakeup was brutal! I was running a few minutes behind this morning and actually got to the church about 5 minutes late. So, there was a group waiting to come in and use the food pantry...So, I'm already behind for the day anyway and then I'm trying to restock all the shelves and get ready for the crowd of people that are waiting to use the food pantry.
While one of the women is waiting in line, she notices that we are taking collections of items for military personnel. We've adopted a ship and we're hoping to be able to send 450 care packages to this ship that is deployed. (BTW, if you want to send anything to help with this, we'd love to have your support!)...Anyway, she starts talking about her son who is going to be deployed soon and thanks us for supporting the troops in this way. That's when the womann behind her loses it and shares that her son was killed in Iraq. As she is weeping and trying to share the story, I went to get some kleenex for her. All the while, I have to restock the shelves and pay attention to the people who are trying to get their food....
So, this woman continues to weep and share parts of her story in slurred words and as she stumbles around. I walked over and put my hand on her shoulder and that's when I started to smell the alcohol as well...She wept some more and put her head on my shoulder and I couldn't make out all that she was saying. There was 1 other woman getting her food and was trying to offer words of consolation and trying to be helpful. But, her words were really not that helpful...They were the responses that most people give in difficult times..."God wanted your son to be with Him." "There has to be a reason." Of course the woman who lost her son wanted no part of those answers. And to be honest, neither did I...Well, it also turns out that it was just a week ago that her son died...So, this is much fresher that I originally understood.
As she finishes getting her food, she looks at the mirror, which we have a decoration saying, "Believe"...And she says, "What good is believing when it just makes you hurt so damn much?" And she dropped all of her food on the floor and I gave her a hug while she wept. I said nothing because I could think of nothing helpful to say and I'm not sure she really wanted anything said. I think she wanted to share and to know that she had been heard. She picked up her food and mumbled thank you and left.
What would you have said or done? A part of me feels like I missed a big opportunity and another part of me thinks that I did what she needed in that moment. My prayers continue to be with her and her family as she grieves and tries to make sense of it all.
Anyway-- when I get this crabby, my inhibitions usually go and I'm a little bit more honest than I probably should be (did anybody see House last night?) and that's not always helpful...plus I just get really snarky and that's not helpful for anyone! So, I usually try and avoid people when this happens because I just know how I get. Yeah, you try and avoid people when you're a pastor!
I got up early this morning to open up the Food Pantry at the church because the person that usually does it is on vacation. Now, I fully support this ministry and think that it is vital for the community, but I'm not going to lie-- that early morning wakeup was brutal! I was running a few minutes behind this morning and actually got to the church about 5 minutes late. So, there was a group waiting to come in and use the food pantry...So, I'm already behind for the day anyway and then I'm trying to restock all the shelves and get ready for the crowd of people that are waiting to use the food pantry.
While one of the women is waiting in line, she notices that we are taking collections of items for military personnel. We've adopted a ship and we're hoping to be able to send 450 care packages to this ship that is deployed. (BTW, if you want to send anything to help with this, we'd love to have your support!)...Anyway, she starts talking about her son who is going to be deployed soon and thanks us for supporting the troops in this way. That's when the womann behind her loses it and shares that her son was killed in Iraq. As she is weeping and trying to share the story, I went to get some kleenex for her. All the while, I have to restock the shelves and pay attention to the people who are trying to get their food....
So, this woman continues to weep and share parts of her story in slurred words and as she stumbles around. I walked over and put my hand on her shoulder and that's when I started to smell the alcohol as well...She wept some more and put her head on my shoulder and I couldn't make out all that she was saying. There was 1 other woman getting her food and was trying to offer words of consolation and trying to be helpful. But, her words were really not that helpful...They were the responses that most people give in difficult times..."God wanted your son to be with Him." "There has to be a reason." Of course the woman who lost her son wanted no part of those answers. And to be honest, neither did I...Well, it also turns out that it was just a week ago that her son died...So, this is much fresher that I originally understood.
As she finishes getting her food, she looks at the mirror, which we have a decoration saying, "Believe"...And she says, "What good is believing when it just makes you hurt so damn much?" And she dropped all of her food on the floor and I gave her a hug while she wept. I said nothing because I could think of nothing helpful to say and I'm not sure she really wanted anything said. I think she wanted to share and to know that she had been heard. She picked up her food and mumbled thank you and left.
What would you have said or done? A part of me feels like I missed a big opportunity and another part of me thinks that I did what she needed in that moment. My prayers continue to be with her and her family as she grieves and tries to make sense of it all.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Guilt
From Hurt to Healing: Guilt
It is the second Sunday of Lent—the 40 day season that we observe before Easter. Lent is usually a time of reflection and repentance and contemplation as we prepare for Easter. It’s a time when we work at getting rid of all of things in our lives that keep us from fully celebrating Easter. As our observance of Lent here at Sheridan-Norway UMC, our series is “From Hurt to Healing” and we are joining Jesus on this journey to confront those broken & fragile places in our lives that keep us from fully recognizing the power of Easter. Ultimately, because we do know the full story, we know of the hope and healing that we have from Jesus Christ. That’s why Sundays are not included in the 40 days of Lent—because we recognize those as “mini-Easters.”
Along this journey, we are working through different themes & topics related to being hurt or hurting others. Our final goal will get us to healing. Now, for some your hurts may be too great to consider yourself healed of them after 6 weeks, but hopefully you will have some tools and a beginning to work towards healing. As we continue on this journey each week in our worship service, there will be opportunities for a physical response or action. We have our suitcase up here…Because when you go on a journey or on a trip, you need to pack and so that’s what we’re doing. We’re filling our suitcase with all of the things that are keeping us from going completely on this journey. Because Lent is a time of giving things up in order to make room for Easter, we’ll be putting those kinds of things in our suitcase. For the next few weeks, you’ll still have opportunities to help fill our suitcase as we open it up every Sunday—so even if you’re not ready today to put anything in there—a physical object or writing it down, there will still be opportunities to do that. The things that you write down may be things that you want to stop doing to yourself or to others—like, “I want to stop escaping the world through TV” or a hurt that you want to work at giving up—like, “My parent never supported me and made me feel like a failure.” Whatever your hurt is, write it on this piece of paper and put it in an envelope with your name on the front. We will unpack our suitcase with all of our hurts things that have kept us from going on this journey with Jesus on Easter morning.
The journey that we take from hurt to healing will lead us through some difficult places—last week we looked at shame…Shame is not guilt as shame is something that those who are victims or the sinned against feel because something has been done to you against your will or without your consent. This morning, we will explore what shame is not…Guilt.
I’m going to tell you something that might be news to a few people…We all sin…I know for some that is hard to believe! Or at least there are some people in this world who act like it…It’s true—we all sin…we all do things that we’re not supposed to…Whether we’re aware of it or not, we do things that keep us from God. That may be to God directly or indirectly by hurting people. Guilt is our awareness of having done wrong or committed sin. In his book, From Hurt to Healing, Andrew Sung Park identifies the different dimensions of guilt… there is legal, ethical and religious guilt. Legal guilt is responsibility for crimes—It’s not okay to rob a bank…Ethical guilt is a moral accountability—“Drinking for alcoholics is legal, yet it may cause moral guilt for them.” Religious guilt concerns our obligations before God & our neighbor…Saying an insult under our breath may not be legally or ethically wrong, but can be religiously wrong. With these dimensions of guilt, there is also appropriate guilt & inappropriate guilt.
Andrew Sung Park calls appropriate guilt, “the offenders’ awareness of their offence, crime, sin, & failure of duty.” And “true guilt is guilt at the remorseful awareness we have for our offence and the obligation we owe to ourselves to be our best selves.” There are times when we can rationalize something we’ve done to make it seem okay or make ourselves feel better about what we’ve done. Guilt is that awareness that we’ve done something wrong and we feel bad about it.
The Christian concept of guilt engages three concepts: responsibility, blameworthiness, & obligation. Responsibility means that we have the power to use our freedom to make ethical decisions and are therefore held responsible for our conduct. I can have the choice to hit another person, but will be held responsible for what I do. Blameworthiness means that our actions and attitudes deserve penalty or punishment. If I choose to hit that person, I may be put in time out as a child or arrested for assault as an adult. Obligation is a trespass made good through payment or compensation. The person that I hit may require I pay for their medical treatment or repair any damage to their personal items.
Guilt can pressure us to confess…Maybe there’s something that we think we’ve gotten away with, but we feel bad about what we’ve done…No one knows that I hit that other car, but you can see the damage on the car and I feel bad for it…So my guilt can cause me to confess so that my error can be forgiven or punished. Once guilt is confessed, it can be alleviated. There are several steps in this process: admitting my fault, taking responsibility for my actions, and make up for my wrongs.
The song Amazing Grace was written in response to the trading of slaves. Rev. John Newton was convicted of his sins and responsibility in the trading of slaves that he fought against the British government with William Wilberforce to end slavery. Through this struggle of guilt and redemption, Rev. Newton understood God’s grace. Watch this clip from the movie, Amazing Grace. (Clip)…Rev. Newton admitted his fault in the slave trade and what he had done—in this clip, he talked about not respecting the names of the African slaves. He weeps at what he knows has been done and what he did…And he wrote a song to share with others—to make them feel the guilt that slavery is wrong…He begins to make up for where he has sinned.
Inappropriate guilt causes us to blame ourselves and to look at ourselves in a negative way. There may be something that we are not guilty of in any way shape or form, but we feel guilty or we misplace our guilt. This is sometimes called survivor’s guilt…Robert Maddalone, a firefighter in Brooklyn said this after September 11, “I’m thankful I’m alive, but I feel guilty I’m alive. I’m trying to remember the guys who aren’t here. Their wives & children. It’s a hollow feeling. You try to laugh sometimes to keep your sanity, but you feel bad about laughing.”
Other forms of inappropriate guilt make us believe that we are not really guilty of anything, but in reality we have really hurt others…It’s how we justify our actions… “Well, I wouldn’t have hit you if you just would have done things right.” Or “Well, they did it to me first!” Those who share in this kind of guilt will deny their guilt when confronted because they think they’ll be let off the hook.
In our Gospel lesson from Mark, Peter tries to make Jesus feel guilty…Jesus talks very openly and honestly about the fact that the Son of Man will suffer and die in order to be raised again. Peter thinks that this can’t possibly be something that would happen to Jesus…So, Peter pulls Jesus aside and begins to rebuke him…Peter pulls Jesus aside and tells him that he’s wrong! Now, we look at Jesus much differently than Peter did at that moment…We know that everything Jesus said came to be and Peter doesn’t know that at this moment…But seriously, can you imagine pulling Jesus aside and yelling at him, telling him he’s wrong?!? That’s exactly what Peter does! And he does it because he wants Jesus to understand the guilt that he should feel…Jesus shouldn’t be telling lies or things that are not true! He should be working at overthrowing the government not being killed by it! Jesus doesn’t take this very well and doesn’t accept the guilt that Peter is trying to give him…Instead, he rebukes Peter…He yells at Peter and says, “Get behind me Satan! You are setting your mind on human things instead of divine things!” Instead of accepting Peter’s inappropriate guilt, Jesus tells Peter that he’s the one that’s wrong. And even gives Peter the steps that he needs to remove his guilt…Set his mind on divine things and give up his life…Because those who lose their life for Jesus’ sake & for the sake of the Gospel will gain it…As we know Peter’s story—there were times that Peter was really good at that and there were times that Peter fell short again…
The letter the Ephesians hits on the guilt that we have as sinners…But just as Rev. John Newton said in the clip from Amazing Grace, there are 2 things I can remember—I am a great sinner and Christ is a great savior. By God’s grace, we have been forgiven…That’s not to say that we don’t have to atone for our transgressions against one another…God forgives you if you ask for it, but you must also ask forgiveness of the brother or sister that you have hurt…But the grace that you have received is free…You can’t do anything to earn grace--- the very definition of grace is free, unmerited love. You can’t earn more grace or do anything to pay God back for what God has done! If you think that you can, you will be disappointed over and over again and feel the shame of failure for not living up to the expectations you may have of yourself. God’s grace is not earned…But because of the grace that you have been given, you share that message with others. You help others to know that grace for themselves! Like the song Amazing Grace…There’s nothing in there that points directly to slavery, but it does point to the sins that we all commit. We are all convicted by our own sins and our own guilts to recognize God’s grace that redeems us…God’s grace which pulls us from the broken places and helps us to become the best self that we can possibly be…The person that God created us to be…That’s what grace does! Oh it is amazing…And we share it with others not to force them to feel guilty, but to help others understand that God is a great God who offers this to us…That those who lose their life will save it…That God loves us with a love that we cannot imagine…Amazing Grace!
As we join on this Lenten Journey, the song from Chris Tomlin, Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) will play and if you have something to pack away on this journey, you may bring it forward to place in the suitcase and you can also take this opportunity to pray at the altar. After the song has ended, we will sing together the 2nd verse of Amazing Grace.
It is the second Sunday of Lent—the 40 day season that we observe before Easter. Lent is usually a time of reflection and repentance and contemplation as we prepare for Easter. It’s a time when we work at getting rid of all of things in our lives that keep us from fully celebrating Easter. As our observance of Lent here at Sheridan-Norway UMC, our series is “From Hurt to Healing” and we are joining Jesus on this journey to confront those broken & fragile places in our lives that keep us from fully recognizing the power of Easter. Ultimately, because we do know the full story, we know of the hope and healing that we have from Jesus Christ. That’s why Sundays are not included in the 40 days of Lent—because we recognize those as “mini-Easters.”
Along this journey, we are working through different themes & topics related to being hurt or hurting others. Our final goal will get us to healing. Now, for some your hurts may be too great to consider yourself healed of them after 6 weeks, but hopefully you will have some tools and a beginning to work towards healing. As we continue on this journey each week in our worship service, there will be opportunities for a physical response or action. We have our suitcase up here…Because when you go on a journey or on a trip, you need to pack and so that’s what we’re doing. We’re filling our suitcase with all of the things that are keeping us from going completely on this journey. Because Lent is a time of giving things up in order to make room for Easter, we’ll be putting those kinds of things in our suitcase. For the next few weeks, you’ll still have opportunities to help fill our suitcase as we open it up every Sunday—so even if you’re not ready today to put anything in there—a physical object or writing it down, there will still be opportunities to do that. The things that you write down may be things that you want to stop doing to yourself or to others—like, “I want to stop escaping the world through TV” or a hurt that you want to work at giving up—like, “My parent never supported me and made me feel like a failure.” Whatever your hurt is, write it on this piece of paper and put it in an envelope with your name on the front. We will unpack our suitcase with all of our hurts things that have kept us from going on this journey with Jesus on Easter morning.
The journey that we take from hurt to healing will lead us through some difficult places—last week we looked at shame…Shame is not guilt as shame is something that those who are victims or the sinned against feel because something has been done to you against your will or without your consent. This morning, we will explore what shame is not…Guilt.
I’m going to tell you something that might be news to a few people…We all sin…I know for some that is hard to believe! Or at least there are some people in this world who act like it…It’s true—we all sin…we all do things that we’re not supposed to…Whether we’re aware of it or not, we do things that keep us from God. That may be to God directly or indirectly by hurting people. Guilt is our awareness of having done wrong or committed sin. In his book, From Hurt to Healing, Andrew Sung Park identifies the different dimensions of guilt… there is legal, ethical and religious guilt. Legal guilt is responsibility for crimes—It’s not okay to rob a bank…Ethical guilt is a moral accountability—“Drinking for alcoholics is legal, yet it may cause moral guilt for them.” Religious guilt concerns our obligations before God & our neighbor…Saying an insult under our breath may not be legally or ethically wrong, but can be religiously wrong. With these dimensions of guilt, there is also appropriate guilt & inappropriate guilt.
Andrew Sung Park calls appropriate guilt, “the offenders’ awareness of their offence, crime, sin, & failure of duty.” And “true guilt is guilt at the remorseful awareness we have for our offence and the obligation we owe to ourselves to be our best selves.” There are times when we can rationalize something we’ve done to make it seem okay or make ourselves feel better about what we’ve done. Guilt is that awareness that we’ve done something wrong and we feel bad about it.
The Christian concept of guilt engages three concepts: responsibility, blameworthiness, & obligation. Responsibility means that we have the power to use our freedom to make ethical decisions and are therefore held responsible for our conduct. I can have the choice to hit another person, but will be held responsible for what I do. Blameworthiness means that our actions and attitudes deserve penalty or punishment. If I choose to hit that person, I may be put in time out as a child or arrested for assault as an adult. Obligation is a trespass made good through payment or compensation. The person that I hit may require I pay for their medical treatment or repair any damage to their personal items.
Guilt can pressure us to confess…Maybe there’s something that we think we’ve gotten away with, but we feel bad about what we’ve done…No one knows that I hit that other car, but you can see the damage on the car and I feel bad for it…So my guilt can cause me to confess so that my error can be forgiven or punished. Once guilt is confessed, it can be alleviated. There are several steps in this process: admitting my fault, taking responsibility for my actions, and make up for my wrongs.
The song Amazing Grace was written in response to the trading of slaves. Rev. John Newton was convicted of his sins and responsibility in the trading of slaves that he fought against the British government with William Wilberforce to end slavery. Through this struggle of guilt and redemption, Rev. Newton understood God’s grace. Watch this clip from the movie, Amazing Grace. (Clip)…Rev. Newton admitted his fault in the slave trade and what he had done—in this clip, he talked about not respecting the names of the African slaves. He weeps at what he knows has been done and what he did…And he wrote a song to share with others—to make them feel the guilt that slavery is wrong…He begins to make up for where he has sinned.
Inappropriate guilt causes us to blame ourselves and to look at ourselves in a negative way. There may be something that we are not guilty of in any way shape or form, but we feel guilty or we misplace our guilt. This is sometimes called survivor’s guilt…Robert Maddalone, a firefighter in Brooklyn said this after September 11, “I’m thankful I’m alive, but I feel guilty I’m alive. I’m trying to remember the guys who aren’t here. Their wives & children. It’s a hollow feeling. You try to laugh sometimes to keep your sanity, but you feel bad about laughing.”
Other forms of inappropriate guilt make us believe that we are not really guilty of anything, but in reality we have really hurt others…It’s how we justify our actions… “Well, I wouldn’t have hit you if you just would have done things right.” Or “Well, they did it to me first!” Those who share in this kind of guilt will deny their guilt when confronted because they think they’ll be let off the hook.
In our Gospel lesson from Mark, Peter tries to make Jesus feel guilty…Jesus talks very openly and honestly about the fact that the Son of Man will suffer and die in order to be raised again. Peter thinks that this can’t possibly be something that would happen to Jesus…So, Peter pulls Jesus aside and begins to rebuke him…Peter pulls Jesus aside and tells him that he’s wrong! Now, we look at Jesus much differently than Peter did at that moment…We know that everything Jesus said came to be and Peter doesn’t know that at this moment…But seriously, can you imagine pulling Jesus aside and yelling at him, telling him he’s wrong?!? That’s exactly what Peter does! And he does it because he wants Jesus to understand the guilt that he should feel…Jesus shouldn’t be telling lies or things that are not true! He should be working at overthrowing the government not being killed by it! Jesus doesn’t take this very well and doesn’t accept the guilt that Peter is trying to give him…Instead, he rebukes Peter…He yells at Peter and says, “Get behind me Satan! You are setting your mind on human things instead of divine things!” Instead of accepting Peter’s inappropriate guilt, Jesus tells Peter that he’s the one that’s wrong. And even gives Peter the steps that he needs to remove his guilt…Set his mind on divine things and give up his life…Because those who lose their life for Jesus’ sake & for the sake of the Gospel will gain it…As we know Peter’s story—there were times that Peter was really good at that and there were times that Peter fell short again…
The letter the Ephesians hits on the guilt that we have as sinners…But just as Rev. John Newton said in the clip from Amazing Grace, there are 2 things I can remember—I am a great sinner and Christ is a great savior. By God’s grace, we have been forgiven…That’s not to say that we don’t have to atone for our transgressions against one another…God forgives you if you ask for it, but you must also ask forgiveness of the brother or sister that you have hurt…But the grace that you have received is free…You can’t do anything to earn grace--- the very definition of grace is free, unmerited love. You can’t earn more grace or do anything to pay God back for what God has done! If you think that you can, you will be disappointed over and over again and feel the shame of failure for not living up to the expectations you may have of yourself. God’s grace is not earned…But because of the grace that you have been given, you share that message with others. You help others to know that grace for themselves! Like the song Amazing Grace…There’s nothing in there that points directly to slavery, but it does point to the sins that we all commit. We are all convicted by our own sins and our own guilts to recognize God’s grace that redeems us…God’s grace which pulls us from the broken places and helps us to become the best self that we can possibly be…The person that God created us to be…That’s what grace does! Oh it is amazing…And we share it with others not to force them to feel guilty, but to help others understand that God is a great God who offers this to us…That those who lose their life will save it…That God loves us with a love that we cannot imagine…Amazing Grace!
As we join on this Lenten Journey, the song from Chris Tomlin, Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) will play and if you have something to pack away on this journey, you may bring it forward to place in the suitcase and you can also take this opportunity to pray at the altar. After the song has ended, we will sing together the 2nd verse of Amazing Grace.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
American Idol: Top 36 take 3
Maybe Idol is growing old on me or maybe I'm just getting tired of Idol...Not really sure. But here's what's upseting me about Idol right now. I'm really disappointed in the lack of talent both in the Top 36 & the top 12 (so far)....Plus, if you look at who the top 12 are right now, they are all white...I'm really disappointed in that and I recognize that it's been America that's been voting, but I'm really not excited about the top 12 so far. So, we'll see if this week shapes anything up.
Von Smith--He's got a big voice, but he really doesn't know how to control it at all...When he's singing loud/bold he doesn't really get off key, but when he tries to hold back, he can't really stay on pitch. I think he's more of a gimmicky singer than someone who could be the next American Idol. I have to say that I really disagreed with the judges this week with their reactions...Not sure why they're pimping him?
Taylor Vaifanua--There's nothing about her that's memorable...I forgot who she was until her piece started showing...I completely agree with Kara's reaction to her. She is a great singer, but has no personality...
Alex Wagner-Trugman--His personality is a 9, but his singing is at best a 3...If he goes through tonight it will be solely on his personality and will have nothing to do with his singing...I thought they spent a little bit too much time with the judges talking...
Arianna Afsar--She's got a great voice, but I see her on Broadway instead of on American Idol...I'm not sure that this was the best song choice for her...I don't think it was as terrible as Simon indicated, but I think that it wasn't fantastic either...I doubt she'll go through...
Ju'not Joyner--I can't decide how I feel about this arrangement of the song..I thought he sang it nicely, but I can't decide on the arrangement...I like that he took a risk to change it up and I thought he sang it nicely and you can tell he's got a good voice...I'd like to see him go through to see what he can continue to do
Kristen McNamara--I have a soft spot in my heart for this song and I thought she sang it pretty well, but I'm not sure the image she was trying to put across matches what is in the song. She should have worn something a little different to match things up better. I'm not sure that she can get away from the drama of Hollywood week, and she probably should have stopped talking about it too...
Nathaniel Marshall--This was wacky/goofy Nate? This just didn't seem to be a good song choice for him. He's got a decent voice-- decent tone...But this was absolutely the wrong performance choice for him...If he goes through-- it will be on his personality...
Felicia Barton--I thought this was pretty good karoke, but not a great American Idol performance...She's got a good voice, but I'm not sure if it's enough to get her through...We'll see what happens?
Scott MacIntyre--Wow, I do not know this song at all, but I really liked his performance. I have to say that I would be really shocked if he's not in the top 12-- either going through tonight or picked as the wildcard. The judges have seemed to already put him there anyway...
Kendall Beard--She totally reminds me of Kristin Chenowith! She's got the country niche which seems to be popular with a lot of Idol viewers...She's cute & bubble and her voice isn't terrible. I personally wouldn't vote her through...I wouldn't be shocked if she went through, but I also think others should go before she does...
Jorge Nunez--He did good and I thought he has a great voice...I'd like to see him go through because he could do some interesting things...I have to say that I am a little offended that they told him not to sing with an accent and that they had him work with a dialect coach...I really agree with Simon on this one and hope that he is able to truly be himself.
Lil Rounds--She honestly sings and performs as though she's been doing this forever and is a seasoned performer. She's pretty incredible and I would be absolutely shocked if she did not go through tomorrow.
Female: Lil Rounds hands down will be going through. If there is a surprise, it will be Kendall Beard, but I don't see that one coming...
Male: Jorge Nunez or Scott MacIntyre or Ju'Not Joyner ...Not sure which one for sure, but one of them...
Third: Jorge Nunez or Scott MacIntyre or Ju'Not Joyner...Maybe Kendall Beard, but that would be just to have the country spot filled...
Von Smith--He's got a big voice, but he really doesn't know how to control it at all...When he's singing loud/bold he doesn't really get off key, but when he tries to hold back, he can't really stay on pitch. I think he's more of a gimmicky singer than someone who could be the next American Idol. I have to say that I really disagreed with the judges this week with their reactions...Not sure why they're pimping him?
Taylor Vaifanua--There's nothing about her that's memorable...I forgot who she was until her piece started showing...I completely agree with Kara's reaction to her. She is a great singer, but has no personality...
Alex Wagner-Trugman--His personality is a 9, but his singing is at best a 3...If he goes through tonight it will be solely on his personality and will have nothing to do with his singing...I thought they spent a little bit too much time with the judges talking...
Arianna Afsar--She's got a great voice, but I see her on Broadway instead of on American Idol...I'm not sure that this was the best song choice for her...I don't think it was as terrible as Simon indicated, but I think that it wasn't fantastic either...I doubt she'll go through...
Ju'not Joyner--I can't decide how I feel about this arrangement of the song..I thought he sang it nicely, but I can't decide on the arrangement...I like that he took a risk to change it up and I thought he sang it nicely and you can tell he's got a good voice...I'd like to see him go through to see what he can continue to do
Kristen McNamara--I have a soft spot in my heart for this song and I thought she sang it pretty well, but I'm not sure the image she was trying to put across matches what is in the song. She should have worn something a little different to match things up better. I'm not sure that she can get away from the drama of Hollywood week, and she probably should have stopped talking about it too...
Nathaniel Marshall--This was wacky/goofy Nate? This just didn't seem to be a good song choice for him. He's got a decent voice-- decent tone...But this was absolutely the wrong performance choice for him...If he goes through-- it will be on his personality...
Felicia Barton--I thought this was pretty good karoke, but not a great American Idol performance...She's got a good voice, but I'm not sure if it's enough to get her through...We'll see what happens?
Scott MacIntyre--Wow, I do not know this song at all, but I really liked his performance. I have to say that I would be really shocked if he's not in the top 12-- either going through tonight or picked as the wildcard. The judges have seemed to already put him there anyway...
Kendall Beard--She totally reminds me of Kristin Chenowith! She's got the country niche which seems to be popular with a lot of Idol viewers...She's cute & bubble and her voice isn't terrible. I personally wouldn't vote her through...I wouldn't be shocked if she went through, but I also think others should go before she does...
Jorge Nunez--He did good and I thought he has a great voice...I'd like to see him go through because he could do some interesting things...I have to say that I am a little offended that they told him not to sing with an accent and that they had him work with a dialect coach...I really agree with Simon on this one and hope that he is able to truly be himself.
Lil Rounds--She honestly sings and performs as though she's been doing this forever and is a seasoned performer. She's pretty incredible and I would be absolutely shocked if she did not go through tomorrow.
Female: Lil Rounds hands down will be going through. If there is a surprise, it will be Kendall Beard, but I don't see that one coming...
Male: Jorge Nunez or Scott MacIntyre or Ju'Not Joyner ...Not sure which one for sure, but one of them...
Third: Jorge Nunez or Scott MacIntyre or Ju'Not Joyner...Maybe Kendall Beard, but that would be just to have the country spot filled...
Sunday, March 01, 2009
From Hurt to Healing: Shame
Shame
Lent began on Wednesday with Ash Wednesday marking the beginning of the Lenten journey. On Ash Wednesday, we were reminded of our mortal lives with the marking of the cross with ashes on our forehead and hearing, “From dust you came and to dust you will return.” Which is not a completely happy thought or something that many of us would like to dwell on for too long! But indeed, our lives as we know them are not going to last forever—we are mortal beings after all…Now, that’s not to ignore our hope in eternal life, which comes as a result of Jesus’ life, death, & resurrection. And Lent explores that journey of how that came to be and what Jesus’ journey looks like. Our Lenten journey will take us on a journey from hurt to healing. Over the next 6 weeks, we’ll explore several themes & topics to help give us the tools we may need to overcome our personal hurts as well as the places we have hurt others. As we explore these from a personal level, we will also explore them through a corporate level—or as the church where we have hurt people and where we have been hurt by others. I would have to say that if there is someone here who has experienced any hurts in their life, you have been extremely lucky! But, if I had to guess, I would say that nearly everyone here has been hurt at some point in their life…Would that be correct? And the same is true—if there is someone here who has never hurt anyone else, you have been one pretty amazing person…But the reality is that we all have at some point either knowingly or maybe accidently said or did something to hurt someone else. Those actions whether they have been done to us or done by us cause these hurts in our lives that effect everything—how we live, how we talk, how we interact with others…They have an effect on who we are and what we do.
So, as we attempt to explore these things during Lent, we will be confronting some places in our lives where we have been hurt and how we will make the journey from hurt to healing. Our first week in this series, we will be exploring shame…What is shame?
According to Andrew Sung Park in his book titled, From Hurt to Healing, “Shame emerges when one is helplessly wronged by another…the victims of shame largely suffer embarrassment because they could not defend their own territory.” Shame is not guilt…often in our society, we equate shame and guilt to be the same thing, but shame is what those who are victims or the sinned-against experience. Shame would have been one of the emotions that Jesus experienced being on the cross…In Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth, Paul talks about the foolishness of the cross. Part of what made the cross such a stumbling block for people was the fact that it was shameful…
Following Andrew Sung Park, there are several different kinds of shame: Humiliating shame, the shame of failure, the shame of disgrace, the shame of disgrace, & collective shame.
Jesus experienced humiliating shame on the cross—the foolishness of the cross. The Jewish people did not expect their Messiah to die—especially not in the way that Jesus died. He was humiliated by being hung on a tree in such a horrible death. It was foolishness to believe that the great and powerful Messiah would have died in such a way…Jesus was also innocent, which makes him a victim of an unjust system, adding to his humiliation…a victim of violence is usually made to feel as though they are to blame for what happened to them which adds to their feeling of shame…Many times those who are abusive will make their victims feel as though they did something to provoke an attack: “Well, if you would have washed the dishes correctly, I wouldn’t have had to hit you…” Humiliating shame causes people to withdraw into themselves, which as that shame grows becomes dangerous as they begin to believe that they are truly to blame for what is happening to them while at the same time developing a resentment toward their offenders…this shame eats away at human dignity and effects all aspects of life…humiliating shame is often found in most addicts as their shame becomes guilt…As someone harms their own body by using addictive substances or injuring themselves, they are the their own offender…
The shame of failure is when our goals and expectations are not met…These may be our own expectations or the expectations of people who we care about…This kind of shame can lead to hesitation to trying new things or to attempt the things that we once failed at…Most of us have experienced this kind of shame as we were unable to do something…I tried to ski once…It was one of the worst experiences of my life. It literally took me 4 hours to get down the hill once. As my friends all passed me by and laughed at my lack of coordination, I began to get more and more uncomfortable and think how big of a failure I was…as soon as I got back to the top of the hill, I took off my skis & went into the lodge and refused to talk to anyone for the rest of the night. I still will never try and ski again…There are some people who have expectations set upon them by themselves or others in their life that they are just not able to overcome…These may be expectations that are so high and unrealistic or just not realistic for a particular person…A friend of mine has not met her parents’ expectations for her life and therefore feels as though she has failed at life…Take contestants from American Idol—the first few weeks of the show, contestants who are just terrible singers are paraded in front of the camera and mocked by the judges & those of us watching at home…When they are told they are the world’s worst singer, the shock on their face expresses their shame…They have not lived up to their expectations of themselves or whatever expectations someone else may have put on them. Their shame is amplified because it’s not just a few people who see their failures, but millions of people through the power of television & the internet. Each time their horrible audition is played, their shame grows.
The shame of disgrace is one that is close to guilt—this shame is the sinner’s shame…When we sin, we become conscious of our guilt, which becomes shame as it is made known to God or to others. There is a prison in Texas that practices this kind of shame—those male offenders that come to their prison are forced to wear all pink and are paraded around the community doing physical labor…Their guilt is turned into shame as they are made to feel less of a human being for their shortcomings. Most people don’t go around announcing their shortcomings or their sins, which makes them keep their guilt to themselves…When that sin is announced in public, the guilt then becomes shame…
Now, not all shame is bad…the shame of discretion is actually good and helpful…This positive shame happens when our conscience guards against indecent and unacceptable activities. Most of us will go out of the house with clothes on because it would be indecent not to! This kind of shame actually protects our well being and helps us to become healthy, well rounded individuals…
Collective shame is what a group of people feels by being victims of deep humiliating shame…For those who were sold into slavery and made to feel as though they were no longer a human being, but an object have experienced this kind of shame—and it is not limited to those who experienced it first hand, but that gets passed down from generation to generation…Many ethnic groups experience because of the way they are treated due to racist behavior….These are things that a group cannot control and was done to them…The collective shame among offenders happens when a group of people do something wrong and it is made public…
In our Gospel lesson, the woman with the issue of blood comes to Jesus…Her shame actually crosses over several of the different kinds of shame…The author of the Gospel of Matthew tells us that she has been bleeding for 12 years…Blood was considered to be an unclean act and no one should ever touch blood or come in contact with someone who was bleeding or that would make you unclean too...Women were often made to separate themselves from society and congregate together because their bleeding made them unclean and this woman has experienced this for 12 years…12 years is a long time to be separated from most of society and to be told that you are less than most of the world…Now this was some kind disease she had, so it was really beyond her control and wasn’t something that she or someone else did to her, but she was made to feel the shame of disgrace because it was believed that illnesses were caused by sins of an individual or their parents…Today, we know that most diseases are caused by negative interactions with nature—chemically induced or genetically altered behavior not directly due to our sins or the sins of our parents…If this woman were living today, she would have a diagnosis that would explain her bleeding problem and wouldn’t be told that she did something wrong to cause it…
Her shame is also a humiliating shame, although she hasn’t been a victim of violence per se…but, because she was forced to withdraw from society for being unclean, she lost her dignity and most likely began to feel worthless or defective…and I would have to imagine that she became angry with many over this…Those who told her she was unclean and cast her out of society and even angry with God…
She also experienced the shame of failure as she did not live up to the expectations of a woman in society…Because she had been bleeding for 12 years, was cast out of society—she would not have been married or been able to have children. She would have fallen short of what her expectations of herself & what others told her she should be…
The shame of discretion of course kept her out of the public eye…of course some of it was mandated by law, but she also would have protected herself from experiencing any further shame by adhering to that law…
Until she reaches the point of desperation—she’s been to doctor after doctor and hasn’t gotten better, but instead has gotten worse…And then she hears about Jesus…This Jesus—the guy who has been healing people around the area…There’s a buzz about what he’s been doing—the lame are walking and the blind are seeing…Surely, if he can heal those kinds of people, he can heal a woman with an issue of blood…
And she goes out in public to meet this Jesus, but her shame of discretion still keeps her protected as she goes up to Jesus from behind…She doesn’t throw herself at his feet and announce to the world what she was there for…She goes up behind Jesus and touches his cloak…and is immediately made well. Jesus knows that something has happened because he felt power go out of him, but doesn’t know what just happened here…The woman now experiences the shame of disgrace as she recognizes that she has broken many laws—being out in public when she was unclean & touching a rabbi—she was making him unclean in the process! And she confesses to Jesus and throws herself at his feet in disgrace…Jesus doesn’t yell at her or make her feel like she’s a terrible person…Instead, Jesus tells her that her faith has made her well and he sends her on her way…Her shame has been lifted by Jesus. We don’t have any more to her story after this, so we don’t know how she re-integrated society or how she overcame the shame that she had felt for most of her adult life…But we do know that Jesus took away all of her shame…
It was a bold step for this woman to come out and share her shame with Jesus and with the world…It must have been extremely difficult for her to do so, but she was at the point where she probably would have done anything or risked being unclean for the rest of her life. And so she came and brought all of her shame before Jesus and he took it away.
That’s what we’re able to do…Bring all of our shame before Jesus…That doesn’t mean that once we bring everything to Jesus that makes it all okay…But it’s a step toward healing…Because it means those things that have held us in shame are no longer secret…An abuse is made public and a victim is told it is not their fault and they are an individual of sacred worth…Failures don’t make up who and individual is, but are only a piece of who a person is….sins are forgiven and reconciliation is possible…
One of the stumbling blocks that you may have that keeps you from going on this Lenten journey from hurt to healing may be a shame that you feel…Something that you don’t want people to know because you think they might think less of you or you might think less of yourself…Children of alcoholics tend to over achieve in order to make up for their parents’ shortcomings…Victims of domestic violence keep it secret because they must be to blame for what has happened to them…Let me be clear…What has been done to you is not your fault…If you are a victim of abuse, there is nothing that you did to cause it no matter what your abuser has made you to feel…
Shame thrives in secrecy…That doesn’t mean that you have to go around telling everyone all of your life…The shame of discretion protects us from that…But, find someone that you trust to share with…Journal about it—write it down…Find a counselor…Do something to bring it out into the open…As the woman with the issue of blood tried to keep things secret by coming at Jesus from behind, Jesus brought her shame out of secret so that she may be made fully well—both in body & in mind…Make that your step today…
As we collect the items that we will be taking on this journey with Jesus, there may be something that is keeping you from going fully on this journey—maybe it’s an issue of shame…maybe it’s something else…Whatever it is that is keeping you from going on this journey, work at giving up…If you have brought an item from home to place in the suitcase to pack away for these 40 days, you can bring that forward as you come to receive communion…if you would rather write down what is keeping you from going on this journey, there is paper on the altar…Write it on the paper and seal it in an envelope with your name on the front and place it in the suitcase…
Regardless of the shame you feel…God does indeed love you and invites you to go on this journey from hurt to healing…It is not an easy journey, but one that we all must take eventually…Jesus has already taken this journey and leads us where we should go…Let us follow his example, no matter how foolish it may seem…Because it will lead to our healing & wholeness….
Lent began on Wednesday with Ash Wednesday marking the beginning of the Lenten journey. On Ash Wednesday, we were reminded of our mortal lives with the marking of the cross with ashes on our forehead and hearing, “From dust you came and to dust you will return.” Which is not a completely happy thought or something that many of us would like to dwell on for too long! But indeed, our lives as we know them are not going to last forever—we are mortal beings after all…Now, that’s not to ignore our hope in eternal life, which comes as a result of Jesus’ life, death, & resurrection. And Lent explores that journey of how that came to be and what Jesus’ journey looks like. Our Lenten journey will take us on a journey from hurt to healing. Over the next 6 weeks, we’ll explore several themes & topics to help give us the tools we may need to overcome our personal hurts as well as the places we have hurt others. As we explore these from a personal level, we will also explore them through a corporate level—or as the church where we have hurt people and where we have been hurt by others. I would have to say that if there is someone here who has experienced any hurts in their life, you have been extremely lucky! But, if I had to guess, I would say that nearly everyone here has been hurt at some point in their life…Would that be correct? And the same is true—if there is someone here who has never hurt anyone else, you have been one pretty amazing person…But the reality is that we all have at some point either knowingly or maybe accidently said or did something to hurt someone else. Those actions whether they have been done to us or done by us cause these hurts in our lives that effect everything—how we live, how we talk, how we interact with others…They have an effect on who we are and what we do.
So, as we attempt to explore these things during Lent, we will be confronting some places in our lives where we have been hurt and how we will make the journey from hurt to healing. Our first week in this series, we will be exploring shame…What is shame?
According to Andrew Sung Park in his book titled, From Hurt to Healing, “Shame emerges when one is helplessly wronged by another…the victims of shame largely suffer embarrassment because they could not defend their own territory.” Shame is not guilt…often in our society, we equate shame and guilt to be the same thing, but shame is what those who are victims or the sinned-against experience. Shame would have been one of the emotions that Jesus experienced being on the cross…In Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth, Paul talks about the foolishness of the cross. Part of what made the cross such a stumbling block for people was the fact that it was shameful…
Following Andrew Sung Park, there are several different kinds of shame: Humiliating shame, the shame of failure, the shame of disgrace, the shame of disgrace, & collective shame.
Jesus experienced humiliating shame on the cross—the foolishness of the cross. The Jewish people did not expect their Messiah to die—especially not in the way that Jesus died. He was humiliated by being hung on a tree in such a horrible death. It was foolishness to believe that the great and powerful Messiah would have died in such a way…Jesus was also innocent, which makes him a victim of an unjust system, adding to his humiliation…a victim of violence is usually made to feel as though they are to blame for what happened to them which adds to their feeling of shame…Many times those who are abusive will make their victims feel as though they did something to provoke an attack: “Well, if you would have washed the dishes correctly, I wouldn’t have had to hit you…” Humiliating shame causes people to withdraw into themselves, which as that shame grows becomes dangerous as they begin to believe that they are truly to blame for what is happening to them while at the same time developing a resentment toward their offenders…this shame eats away at human dignity and effects all aspects of life…humiliating shame is often found in most addicts as their shame becomes guilt…As someone harms their own body by using addictive substances or injuring themselves, they are the their own offender…
The shame of failure is when our goals and expectations are not met…These may be our own expectations or the expectations of people who we care about…This kind of shame can lead to hesitation to trying new things or to attempt the things that we once failed at…Most of us have experienced this kind of shame as we were unable to do something…I tried to ski once…It was one of the worst experiences of my life. It literally took me 4 hours to get down the hill once. As my friends all passed me by and laughed at my lack of coordination, I began to get more and more uncomfortable and think how big of a failure I was…as soon as I got back to the top of the hill, I took off my skis & went into the lodge and refused to talk to anyone for the rest of the night. I still will never try and ski again…There are some people who have expectations set upon them by themselves or others in their life that they are just not able to overcome…These may be expectations that are so high and unrealistic or just not realistic for a particular person…A friend of mine has not met her parents’ expectations for her life and therefore feels as though she has failed at life…Take contestants from American Idol—the first few weeks of the show, contestants who are just terrible singers are paraded in front of the camera and mocked by the judges & those of us watching at home…When they are told they are the world’s worst singer, the shock on their face expresses their shame…They have not lived up to their expectations of themselves or whatever expectations someone else may have put on them. Their shame is amplified because it’s not just a few people who see their failures, but millions of people through the power of television & the internet. Each time their horrible audition is played, their shame grows.
The shame of disgrace is one that is close to guilt—this shame is the sinner’s shame…When we sin, we become conscious of our guilt, which becomes shame as it is made known to God or to others. There is a prison in Texas that practices this kind of shame—those male offenders that come to their prison are forced to wear all pink and are paraded around the community doing physical labor…Their guilt is turned into shame as they are made to feel less of a human being for their shortcomings. Most people don’t go around announcing their shortcomings or their sins, which makes them keep their guilt to themselves…When that sin is announced in public, the guilt then becomes shame…
Now, not all shame is bad…the shame of discretion is actually good and helpful…This positive shame happens when our conscience guards against indecent and unacceptable activities. Most of us will go out of the house with clothes on because it would be indecent not to! This kind of shame actually protects our well being and helps us to become healthy, well rounded individuals…
Collective shame is what a group of people feels by being victims of deep humiliating shame…For those who were sold into slavery and made to feel as though they were no longer a human being, but an object have experienced this kind of shame—and it is not limited to those who experienced it first hand, but that gets passed down from generation to generation…Many ethnic groups experience because of the way they are treated due to racist behavior….These are things that a group cannot control and was done to them…The collective shame among offenders happens when a group of people do something wrong and it is made public…
In our Gospel lesson, the woman with the issue of blood comes to Jesus…Her shame actually crosses over several of the different kinds of shame…The author of the Gospel of Matthew tells us that she has been bleeding for 12 years…Blood was considered to be an unclean act and no one should ever touch blood or come in contact with someone who was bleeding or that would make you unclean too...Women were often made to separate themselves from society and congregate together because their bleeding made them unclean and this woman has experienced this for 12 years…12 years is a long time to be separated from most of society and to be told that you are less than most of the world…Now this was some kind disease she had, so it was really beyond her control and wasn’t something that she or someone else did to her, but she was made to feel the shame of disgrace because it was believed that illnesses were caused by sins of an individual or their parents…Today, we know that most diseases are caused by negative interactions with nature—chemically induced or genetically altered behavior not directly due to our sins or the sins of our parents…If this woman were living today, she would have a diagnosis that would explain her bleeding problem and wouldn’t be told that she did something wrong to cause it…
Her shame is also a humiliating shame, although she hasn’t been a victim of violence per se…but, because she was forced to withdraw from society for being unclean, she lost her dignity and most likely began to feel worthless or defective…and I would have to imagine that she became angry with many over this…Those who told her she was unclean and cast her out of society and even angry with God…
She also experienced the shame of failure as she did not live up to the expectations of a woman in society…Because she had been bleeding for 12 years, was cast out of society—she would not have been married or been able to have children. She would have fallen short of what her expectations of herself & what others told her she should be…
The shame of discretion of course kept her out of the public eye…of course some of it was mandated by law, but she also would have protected herself from experiencing any further shame by adhering to that law…
Until she reaches the point of desperation—she’s been to doctor after doctor and hasn’t gotten better, but instead has gotten worse…And then she hears about Jesus…This Jesus—the guy who has been healing people around the area…There’s a buzz about what he’s been doing—the lame are walking and the blind are seeing…Surely, if he can heal those kinds of people, he can heal a woman with an issue of blood…
And she goes out in public to meet this Jesus, but her shame of discretion still keeps her protected as she goes up to Jesus from behind…She doesn’t throw herself at his feet and announce to the world what she was there for…She goes up behind Jesus and touches his cloak…and is immediately made well. Jesus knows that something has happened because he felt power go out of him, but doesn’t know what just happened here…The woman now experiences the shame of disgrace as she recognizes that she has broken many laws—being out in public when she was unclean & touching a rabbi—she was making him unclean in the process! And she confesses to Jesus and throws herself at his feet in disgrace…Jesus doesn’t yell at her or make her feel like she’s a terrible person…Instead, Jesus tells her that her faith has made her well and he sends her on her way…Her shame has been lifted by Jesus. We don’t have any more to her story after this, so we don’t know how she re-integrated society or how she overcame the shame that she had felt for most of her adult life…But we do know that Jesus took away all of her shame…
It was a bold step for this woman to come out and share her shame with Jesus and with the world…It must have been extremely difficult for her to do so, but she was at the point where she probably would have done anything or risked being unclean for the rest of her life. And so she came and brought all of her shame before Jesus and he took it away.
That’s what we’re able to do…Bring all of our shame before Jesus…That doesn’t mean that once we bring everything to Jesus that makes it all okay…But it’s a step toward healing…Because it means those things that have held us in shame are no longer secret…An abuse is made public and a victim is told it is not their fault and they are an individual of sacred worth…Failures don’t make up who and individual is, but are only a piece of who a person is….sins are forgiven and reconciliation is possible…
One of the stumbling blocks that you may have that keeps you from going on this Lenten journey from hurt to healing may be a shame that you feel…Something that you don’t want people to know because you think they might think less of you or you might think less of yourself…Children of alcoholics tend to over achieve in order to make up for their parents’ shortcomings…Victims of domestic violence keep it secret because they must be to blame for what has happened to them…Let me be clear…What has been done to you is not your fault…If you are a victim of abuse, there is nothing that you did to cause it no matter what your abuser has made you to feel…
Shame thrives in secrecy…That doesn’t mean that you have to go around telling everyone all of your life…The shame of discretion protects us from that…But, find someone that you trust to share with…Journal about it—write it down…Find a counselor…Do something to bring it out into the open…As the woman with the issue of blood tried to keep things secret by coming at Jesus from behind, Jesus brought her shame out of secret so that she may be made fully well—both in body & in mind…Make that your step today…
As we collect the items that we will be taking on this journey with Jesus, there may be something that is keeping you from going fully on this journey—maybe it’s an issue of shame…maybe it’s something else…Whatever it is that is keeping you from going on this journey, work at giving up…If you have brought an item from home to place in the suitcase to pack away for these 40 days, you can bring that forward as you come to receive communion…if you would rather write down what is keeping you from going on this journey, there is paper on the altar…Write it on the paper and seal it in an envelope with your name on the front and place it in the suitcase…
Regardless of the shame you feel…God does indeed love you and invites you to go on this journey from hurt to healing…It is not an easy journey, but one that we all must take eventually…Jesus has already taken this journey and leads us where we should go…Let us follow his example, no matter how foolish it may seem…Because it will lead to our healing & wholeness….
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