I got called a harlot today.

Yep...that's right. I was called a harlot. For those that missed this paneradventure, here it is. 

Paneradventure in Walmart

I was minding my own business looking for excedrine when this interaction took place:

W: Honey, I want you to know that Jesus loves you very much.

Me: Oh…well, thank you.

W: No, I mean it…it’s something that you really need to know.

Me: Well, I do…so, thanks.

W: it’s just that…Jesus really loves the harlots of this world.

Me: Ummmm…did you just call me a harlot?

W: Sweetie, you have that harlot look to you.

Me: I’m not sure what a harlot look is, but…thank God Jesus loves all of us.

W: Amen! Have a good day!

Here's some of my reflections on what happened...

First--I have received righteous indignation on my behalf...this story made people angry... I, myself, was not offended. What doesn't come across incredibly well in black & white is that this woman did not come to me angry or bitter, but truly with compassion...she really wanted me to know that Jesus loves me. (Truthfully, I didn't know people actually still used to word harlot...apparently that's a thing?)

Second--I have been praised for being so kind... One could argue that posting this conversation on various social media outlets is not kind. (And I might not disagree with you...). Because I was not offended, I really did find this hilarious...as I was leaving the store, people must have thought I was a little crazy for cracking myself up...

Here's what my thoughts on the event known as "harlotgate" are...

This woman was doing what she was doing out of love. Yes, her method might be a little questionable...but she was telling me about a Jesus she has found to love her. I didn't ask her what her story was...I didn't ask how she came to love Jesus & want to tell others about him. My guess is that if I would have, I might understand this conversation a whole lot better. 

People like this make my job a lot harder. If she had said this to someone else, the outcome might have been very different. (and let's be honest...she probably has...).  To be labeled as something you're not can be detrimental & damaging to someone's faith journey. Please be careful of the words that you choose...please be careful of how you represent God...this is not to cause fear, but remember how you approach a person. Personally, I come from an understanding that everyone reflects the image of God & that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Grounding my conversation (hopefully) in these truths help me to enter into a conversation very differently. I also understand that everyone has a story of how they are who they are. You didn't just wake up one morning the person that you are...understanding people's stories helps to know who they are without applying your label to them. 

I have said to a few friends recently that I offer grace much more easily to people I might label more conservative or fundamentalist or Evangelical... Because I know that journey well.  I didn't always believe that nothing can separate us from God's love...I didn't always belive that people are created in the image of God...I didn't always believe it was important to know peoples' stories...I didn't always believe that God was a God of grace & forgiveness...I know the God that they might be referring to & I loved that God deeply...I might have had some of the same conversations that woman had with me today... In this journey, God did not change... But I did. And my understanding of who God is & how to share that message has changed dramatically over the years. It doesn't mean that I expect everyone to have the same experience that I did or that I assume I am "further along" than others (Not. True.)... 

What I will keep doing is this-- share the love of God with anyone I meet. In words or in actions...help to teach others to be mindful of what they say & do...keep encouraging others to share their faith & why they love God so much... I will also keep exploring to try & understand more & more why God loves a harlot like me.

Lenten Disciplines

Not as sexy of a title as my last blog post... but, you know...

So, Lent is here as Ash Wednesday kicks this season off.  Yay Ash Wednesday!

During this 40 day period, people will often give something up as a spiritual discipline... Symbolizing a sacrifice like Christ's sacrifice on the cross.  The intent is to give up something that might be difficult and then spend the time (or money) working on your relationship with God.  (I think sometimes that part gets either forgotten or ignored...)

I haven't given anything up the last couple of years... 2 years ago, it was unintentional, but I gave up God...Last year, nothing just felt right... (at least that's what I remember...)

This year...I gave some thought about what I wanted to do.  And instead of giving something up, I really wanted to take something on.  And there were lots of things that I was kicking around... But, ultimately, came up with a couple of things!

This Lent, I am planning to have conversations with people who consider themselves to be atheist, agnostic, or have a complicated relationship with God.  This isn't for evangelistic reasons or to "save" anyone (I can't do that anyway...).  I suppose if anything in this, I want to give up my assumptions.  I assume some things about people who fit these categories... Not in a judgey way...But I assume & apply beliefs to them that may not be completely accurate.  So, I'd like to abandon any preconceived notions that I might have. (BTW-- if you consider yourself in any of those categories, I'd love to chat with you.  If you're local, I'll buy your meal...If not, Skype will be wonderful and I have a couple of those conversations set up already & when we are near each other, I'll take you out for a meal too!)

In addition to that, I'm going to participate in Look In Lent that was created by my friend Gregg Brekke. So, you'll see some of those posts here as I reflect on them.   

So, what are you doing for Lent?  Giving something up?  Taking something on?  Nothing?

I stopped believing in God

2 years ago, I stopped believing in God.... Let me pause & let that sink in...

2 years ago, what I knew about God & what I felt about God were two very different things... I was in a really difficult place... I still believed everything that I knew about God, but my heart was shattered and I didn't want to believe anymore.  Some have talked about the dark night of the soul... This was mine.

Here's the other thing-- I was serving as clergy. There would be mornings that I would talk to my colleague & say that I couldn't pray today in worship... My mantra eventually became, "Preach faith until you've got faith... Fake it until you make it."

Everything was hanging on by a thread... I remember months that I would go see my spiritual director & would just end up a sobbing mess.  I didn't want to not believe, but I couldn't bring myself to enter in fully.

Every time I could feel myself taking one step forward, there would be something else that would knock me off of my feet & I would end up that sobbing mess again.

During this dark night, I will forever be indebted to the friends who listened, supported, loved, and embraced me... Sometimes it was phone calls where I said, "I just don't want to cry alone tonight...Can you just remind me that I'm not alone?"  For those of you who offered nothing but listening ears and words of grace, you saved me & you saved my faith... When I wasn't strong enough, you were & you held onto hope when I thought that there was none.

I wish that there was a magic moment that I could point to & say-- This.  This is when I fell back in love with God.  But there's not... But, I did.  At some point, I reconciled the God of my head & the God of my heart to be the same one... And what it gave me was a deeper more complex understanding of this Divine Being that I have vowed to serve & love.


I used to say that doubt & questions weren't a bad thing...And I thought I believed it.  But, when I was struck with a season of doubt & question, suddenly it didn't seem as comforting... But the truth is...they aren't bad things at all.  What my doubts & questions have forced me to do is come to a deeper & richer & more complex understanding of my faith, of God, and what life is.

There will be other times that my heart will be shattered & my faith will be tested...There will be (there are...) times that I wake up in the morning & my first thought is, "God, I don't want to talk to you today..."

 I have felt recently that it's important for me to start telling this story more publicly... There are those who have heard it & are probably tired of it... And there are those who will probably be shocked & maybe even hurt by it. But maybe there's someone who is wondering or questioning or doubting... And maybe something in my story is a thread of hope to hold onto...

All is not lost.  All is not in vain... Where ever you find yourself... There are people who will be there to support you & love you to the depths of your beings.... And hope is real.

March Newsletter

Dear Friends,

As the winter weather wages on, it seems appropriate that Lent will begin soon!   Lent is the time that we take the journey with Jesus to the cross and will ultimately end up at the empty tomb on Easter morning…But before we get there too quickly, we need to take the journey.  Our Lenten journey this year will look at the signs & miracles in the Gospel of John.  Throughout Jesus’ ministry, he was showing a new way to live & to be. In the Gospel of John, there are 7 miracles that Jesus performs that help illustrate this New Thing.   During Lent we’ll look at giving up those things that keep us from seeing this New Thing that is created in front of our eyes.

Lent is often confusing to people and when I’ve talked with others about Lent, I’m often met with the question, “We do Lent?  I thought only Catholics did that!”  Well, Lent is a Christian tradition and not necessarily a Catholic tradition…So, yes indeed, we do Lent.  Many people think about what they’ll be giving up during these 40 days of Lent and most often it’s chocolate or desserts or something that, let’s be honest, we don’t really need anyway!  This year for Lent, I encourage you think about something that you can sacrifice for Lent.  Maybe giving up chocolate or desserts is really difficult for you and that is what you’d like to give up!  Maybe that daily trip for coffee or the weekly stop at McDonald’s would be great sacrifice…Or perhaps those new shoes or trips to the beauty salon would be sacrifices.  Think of something that would be difficult for you to give up as a sacrifice.  Once you are committed to that sacrifice, think first of the financial cost.   On Ash Wednesday and throughout Lent, there will be prayer boxes available to put the money that you would normally spend in the box.  So, if you spend $5 at McDonald’s every week…Put $5 in your box every week.  The money that we collect will go to continue the work of Imagine No Malaria throughout the world.  You may remember Rachel Birkhahn Rommelfanger coming to talk with us about the work of Imagine No Malaria.  The boxes are for more than money as you think of the other sacrifices that you make by giving something up….The boxes are also to remind you to pray—for yourself and your journey and also for those who suffer from malaria & our work in ending this disease.   

There is a lot of information in this month’s newsletter!  Our finance committee has been hard at work, the youth are preparing for a busy summer, and so much more!  Make sure that you take a look through the newsletter & see if there are places that you would like to be involved!

Blessings,

Pastor Melissa

Notes from Erwin McManus: The Artisan Soul Book Tour

--Bitterness doesn't have rational causes

--You always look like an expert if you ask questions

--Humans materialize the invisible

--Other species work out of instinct, humans work out of imagination

--We are born as creative & raised out of it to conform

--Until you reconcile your inner narrative & society's narrative, you will always live in tension

--The imagination will live beyond the imaginer.  You are living in someone's imagination.

--Human beings weren't created to conform, be manipulated, or oppressed.  We are created to imagine & create.

--If you are filled with darkness & bitterness & hate & anger, that's what you'll create.  If you're filled with hope, you'll create beauty.

--When you envy someone else's talent, you start to despise what you are able to create.

--If you need to always be the star, you won't help others reach their potential

--Someone else's greatness never diminishes you.  Envy diminishes you.

--The world isn't moved forward by people who are the most talented, but by those who take risks.

--All great art is informed by love.

--Beauty is the only thing that will save the world.

--No matter how the painting begins, it's not the way it ends.

--We don't have adequate resources to prepare people to have conversations with people who are outside of the faith.

--No one wants to be a heretic...no one aspires to be the worst problem in Christianity.

--It's a beautiful thing that when you don't have the strength to hold on, God does.

--Do we create beautiful things or argue about what's right?

--It's easier to be an art critic than an artist

--The Gospel is not a transmission of information, but a sharing of human spirit.

--How can you advocate creativity when the Bible leaves so little room for creativity?

--The language of Christianity has turned the Bible into a manuscript for conformity rather than a manifesto for creativity.

--There are so many things God wants to happen & waiting for someone to do something about it

--Evil people don't wait to create the future that they have in mind

--The only element necessary to be an artist is a soul.

--Anyone who has a story always succeeds.

--Some failures are worth your life

--Great artists create in community for the community

--It's only the right dream when you love the hardest part of the process

--We can tell the truth even if we aren't living it.  We can't create beauty without it being an extension of us.

--Some don't create because others have imposed their shame on them.

--The American church tries to build a brand that people will buy rather than what is beautiful & true.

--I don't want to war with the people I love...I wanted to create a future for when they were ready

--You can't create the future without the church

--Jesus is a kind & generous space & we need to create that space

--We need to stop letting those who are clinging to the past dictate the future

--When we worship, our creative selves come alive

--If you want to awaken your artist soul, you need to love.

--If you have ambition & passion, you'll face challenges. You can reduce your challenges by having less vision.

"We are going to fail & it will be awesome."

I presented a proposal for a ministry plan at our church council meeting last night... It was based on the years of work that the church had already done on visioning & goal setting & off of conversations that I've had with folks over the past few months.  By no means do I think it's perfect or even complete... I don't think that I've heard from everyone or even speak for everyone... I also don't think that God's done whispering or that I've understood everything that God has whispered... (Speaking of-- Hey God, speak up, please?  Thanks...)

But I presented it & I'm excited to have some goals to work on... Not all at once probably, but over the next few years together... Some build on each other, some are small steps, and some are huge and maybe a little intimidating... But in the end, all help us to change ourselves, change our community, and change the world in the name of Jesus Christ.  Not that that's intimidating at all...

One of the things that I said that I want to help create & foster is a spirit of experimentation.  One of the things that I said (and have said before & will say again)... "We are going to fail & it will be awesome!"  Here's the truth-- we will fail.  It's going to happen... But, I truly believe that the only time we really fail is if we learn nothing from what happened.  Every misstep will help us find the right groove, the right rhythm... And when we do find it...that dance will be beautiful.  But truthfully, there's beauty in figuring it out too.

While I was watching the Olympics, the figure skating... I remember hearing the commentators pick apart the performance.  They would freeze frame & pause to illustrate just what mistakes were made...2 feet landing, a stutter, etc... I know that for those who watch the technicalities that this is important... But, I watched & thought-- "Wow, that is a stunning performance."  missteps & all... And when the bigger & more noticeable mistakes were made, the skaters didn't break & they continued on... Now, when they got off the ice or in the back room, it probably was a different story... But in the middle of it, they gave their all.

Everything that we do, we will give our all.  Failure doesn't give us an out for mediocrity or to half-ass anything.  But, it does remind us that we're a work in progress & we're going to keep working until the rhythm gets found.

So yes, "We will fail & it will be awesome."

Quit Something

I got to hang out with Rob Bell last month & it was amazing...For a lot of reasons.  First-- Rob. Bell. Second-- Laguna Beach.   Third-- My soul...

I can go into a million things that struck me & that I learned & felt there & those things will no doubt come out here & there, but something weird happened... (ok, a lot weird happened...)

While Rob (we're on a first name basis) was giving the intro to our time together & was talking about reasons why people come to this event.  I knew very clearly why I was at the last event that he did, but this one was a little bit fuzzy.  Mostly why I was there was because Rob. Bell.  & because last time I was in a really different head space & I was hoping to hear things differently this time. (which absolutely happened!).  But as he was describing reasons why people have come in the past, I started to think about why I might be there-- beyond what my intentions were...

Not even 10 minutes into the 2 days, I was knocked completely over when I heard a still small voice tell me, "I want you to quit things..." After I felt my breath come back again, I felt completely at peace with the things that I was going to quit, but I had absolutely no idea why...Nothing about it made sense, but it felt so absolutely right... I had to wrestle with the reasons why this was going to happen.

It was awkward sitting there listening to Rob talk about taking a risk & here I was sitting in a place where I didn't even know a risk was coming... Now, to be fair, I don't feel like it's as life changing a risk as others were describing why they were there or risks they were experiencing... I'm not quitting my job, I'm not leaving ministry, I'm not wanting to leave my church to start a new one, heck-- I'm not even wanting to write a book!  In the scheme of things, it's something so small...but actually a big deal to me...

As Rob was talking about risk, I was silently agreeing with everything he was saying, knowing in the back of mind this thing was bubbling...when I got what seemed like a completely random message... And suddenly all of those things I'd been silently agreeing about risk were thrown in my face as if to say, "Well, you said this was a good idea...now you have to do it."

It's taken me a while to make that leap...And even though I've always felt really confident in the decisions, I was really hesitant... And to be completely honest the things that pushed me to take the leap are really, really silly...But leap I did...

And while the risk doesn't feel extreme... Really, truly... I have butterflies in my stomach that have reignited something...And I honestly am not even sure what that something really, truly is... I remember Rob saying, "You don't have to know 2, 3, & 4... You just need to know 1."  I only know 1... But it feels really, really awesome...

So, here we go... Step 1... Whatever Step 2 looks like... I guess I'll figure it out later.  But, let's climb this mountain.

2-16-14 Bulletin

Dear Friends,

When Lent doesn’t fall in February, this month always feels a little weird to me...Like, in January it’s easy to be focused on resolutions & a new year...In February, what is it that we focus on?  Love?  (Ok, that’s a good thing to think about…) Snow? (We all might be a little over that…) Groundhogs? (Don’t get me started…)

Recently, I met with my spiritual director & we talked through this challenge.  My spiritual director is someone I meet with regularly to talk through issues of spirituality & faith.  Sometimes we have meditation together & other times we have conversation around particular issues or challenges.  This time, I was struck with the phrase, “Find the beauty in the ordinary.”  That even though something may seem mundane & ordinary, there is beauty in that.  Oftentimes, I get stuck thinking that something needs to be an extreme-- extremely amazing or extremely not...but the ordinary gets lost in there.

The season that we’re in as the church is ordinary time...And it’s beautiful.  It’s a space in between the highest highs & the lowest lows...To notice the Divine in the ordinary… That might be in sweeping the kitchen or doing the laundry or shoveling the snow… Rob Bell says that unless you’re able to find beauty in the ordinary, you’ll never be satisfied with the extraordinary.  While there are moments that I have a harder time to find the beauty in, the fact that I’m looking means a lot.  And I know that even though I can’t always find it, the beauty is there.  

However it is that you seek or whatever it is that you do, seek the beauty in the midst of the ordinary...Because God is present in all situations & times.  

Blessings,

~Pastor Melissa

February 9, 2014 Newsletter

Dear Friends,

It’s official...Last  week the groundhog saw his shadow, which means we have 6 more weeks of winter coming...And all of God’s people said, Hallelujah! Or something similar to that? However you feel about the winter, excited or depressed or frustrated or ambivalent? It’s not going anywhere...So, how are you finding ways to pass the time?  Have you been playing in the snow? Shoveling?  Visiting friends?  Improving your Flappy Bird score? Praying for the snow to end?  

I’m so glad that you’re here to join us this morning!  Whether you are here every week or this is your first week...A special welcome to all of our scouts & their families!  We’re so glad to have you here & to be a part of our worship service this morning.  If there is anyway that we can help you in your journey, please let us know!  If that means buying popcorn or cookies...or talking about a particular badge or project...Any way that we can work together would be a great thing for both of us!  

We’ve got a lot of exciting things coming up here...It’s already time to start thinking & planning for summer… Mission trip planning & fundraising is already happening…. Kris Aves is already thinking about & working on Staycation for middle schoolers… Vacation Bible School planning will be underway very soon… And so many more possibilities!  I am excited to see what we can do together & for our community.  

Thank you for all that you have done this winter… for those who have shoveled & salted...checked on temperatures & given rides...baked cookies & made soup… Whether your work has been visible or invisible, it is much appreciated.  Thank you!

Blessings,

~Pastor Melissa  

January 12, 2014 Bulletin

Dear Friends,

Well, it seems like we have made it through the Polar Vortex...Hopefully you were able to find ways to stay warm & safe during the cold spell.  Although many schools & businesses closed & many of us were able to stay home, there were many who were not able to stay home & had to go to work.  Thank you to those of you who were working to clear roads or sidewalks...To those who were working to keep all of us safe...To those who were rescuing stranded drivers...To those who were working in hospitals caring for patients… Thank you for your service & for your work.  

As we continue through this winter…Especially on Sundays, to take caution before driving.  I want us all to be in worship together, but I also want all of us to be safe.  Please travel safely & wisely in bad weather.  If you feel like you can’t or shouldn’t drive...please don’t.

Also, please keep in mind that winter raises our expenses through increased heat & plowing costs.  If you are unable to participate in worship on Sunday mornings, you can still send in your pledge to help cover some of these costs.  

As this winter continues & seems like we will be cold for awhile (even though 32 feels like a heat wave)...Find some fun ways to keep warm with your families...experiment with science (throwing hot water, blowing bubbles, making t-shirts freeze)...Watch a movie marathon...Pick up a new spiritual discipline...Bake cookies… Hopefully you’ll find new ways to be entertained!

Blessings,

~Pastor Melissa

Top Musical Releases of 2013

I know, mine is the list that matters the most in the top 10 lists, aren't they?  Spotify has changed the way I listen to music, being that I don't buy anything anymore... But, I have had some releases on rotation this year... These are not in order, but in random order!  I'm also totally open to suggestions if you have any! (Please be aware that many of these have explicit language and are not all child friendly...Truth be told even some of the music today that doesn't contain any profanity is not child friendly...I have a lot of thoughts on faith & pop culture, and if you'd like to talk more about them, I'd be happy to do that!).


1.)  The 20/20 Experience by Justin Timberlake
        We have waited far too long for a Justin Timberlake to release new music.  And over & over this year he proved what a performer he is.  If you haven't watched any of those performances, you must be living under a rock!  Even an Nsync reunion??  Justin is an amazing performer, hands down.  This was a great release for sure... I loved both parts-- 1 & 2 (although maybe I liked part 1 just a bit more...).  I want to be one of the Tennessee kids.

Tracks to listen to: Strawberry Bubblegum, Mirrors, TKO

2.) Inland by Jars of Clay
     I absolutely love Jars of Clay...they always write & sings songs that speak the song of my soul... Theologically thoughtful, full of love, full of grace, and sometimes full of challenge... To be honest, this one almost slipped by me!  I remember listening all the way through the first time & then I got stuck on one song.... Fall Asleep... Absolutely adore this song...I have listened to it on repeat for a whole car trip (30 min!)... Beautiful.  The rest of the album is just beautiful as well...

Tracks to listen to: Fall Asleep, Love in Hard Times, Left Undone

3.) The Collection by Drew Holcomb & the Neighbors
     I had never heard of Drew Holcomb until they were at Story this year. Seeing someone live can always change your perception of their music and usually make you fall more in love with them!  This was absolutely the case for me!  Their energy on stage & telling of stories alongside their songs was just beautiful... I probably would have fallen in love with their music... The harmonies, the lyrics, the guitar... I could (and have) listened to them for hours.

Tracks to listen to: Live Forever, Hung the Moon, Fire & Dynamite

4.) In A World Like This by The Backstreet Boys
     Come on, the Backstreet Boys have been around for 20 years!  And with the whole crew back together, it's a little nostalgic to listen to them again.  What's been great is that their style hasn't seemed to change over the years...Which is probably a problem because the world & musical tastes have...But, BSB will forever have a soft spot in my heart!

Tracks to listen to: In A World Like This, Breathe, Try

5.) The Civil Wars by The Civil Wars
     The story around this release was widely published...They didn't get along & it was brutal putting this album together.  You can tell that throughout the lyrics & even in the music...Through their challenges, what is created is absolutely beautiful.  I hope that they are able to make more music together...but I absolutely love what is created here.  I will give you some tracks to check out in particular, but the truth is that you need to listen to this whole thing for perspective!

Tracks to listen to: Tell Mama, Sacred Heart, Dust to Dust

6.) Crash My Party by Luke Bryan
      I decided at some point in the last year that I needed to like Country Music... I don't know why...It was just a feeling that I needed to like country music.  Blake Shelton was my gateway drug which lead me to Luke Bryan.  I love the energy & while he may be criticized for being not country enough (which might make me like him more...)... There's still the heart of country music for me... And I like it.  And I may or may not have sung it at the top of my lungs a lot

Tracks to listen to: Play it Again, Drink a Beer, Blood Brothers

7.) Bangerz by Miley Cyrus
    This was Miley's year...For better or for worse... What I think was lost through some of her gimmicks was the fact that she actually has a pretty good voice!  Unfortunately, it's not remarkable & therefore she needs some of the gimmicks to get noticed... That's really unfortunate.... But, for the controversy about her dress & antics, she put out a pretty good album this year!  I never thought that something by Miley (or Hannah Montana) would ever be on my list, but guess what... it happens!

Tracks to listen to: SMS (Bangerz), Do My Thang, My Darlin'

8.) Prism by Katy Perry
     Katy Perry always puts out quality music...She's got a powerful voice & lyrics that usually really connect.  Her personal life was highly publicized through her divorce & there was no doubt that was going to feed into her music here.  What could have been a really dark album is not...it's something beautiful.  Whatever is attributed to that... her new relationship, her growth...Her ability to help let light shine in the darkness is extraordinary.

Tracks to listen to: By the Grace of God, Unconditionally, Love Me

9.) Britney Jean by Britney Spears
    I was not a Britney fan until she had her breakdown...Then I really was rooting for her to succeed & make the comeback she was capable of.  The thing about Britney is that she's not the best singer in the world...What you need to keep in mind here is everything... She is a professional performer.  I would probably guess that if you took entertainment from Britney, she wouldn't know what to do... This is what she's done her whole life.  Give her a script or a song or a dance & she shines... Ask her an improv question or even ask her to sing live...well, that won't go as well.  But, come on... It's Britney.

Tracks to listen to: Perfume, Don't Cry, Alien

10.) Beyonce by Beyonce
     Beyonce surprised everyone by releasing this...and she's Beyonce, so she can do that.  Beyonce is not going to put out anything less than quality.  She's an incredible performer, an amazing singer, and has been so wise in her career choices.  Releasing this as a visual album is really creative & really what many people want out of Beyonce... to see her perform.  This is so worth all the hype.

Tracks to listen to: Drunk in Love, Heaven, XO