Spiritual Renewal: The Backstory

In August, I went on a month long spiritual renewal... It was so much of what my soul needed... I knew it in part, and yet experiencing it was something so much more.  It was a time of question & discovery, spending time with friends old & new, deep conversations with the Divine, and new dreams & inspirations.  Some things I could have anticipated and others that I didn't see coming.

Let me back up a little bit... Because I received questions from literally dozens of colleagues on how I did this... What was the process, how did I get approval, how did I get the church to say yes?

About 2 years ago during my pastoral review, my Staff Parish Committee brought up their concerns about burnout.  And I deeply appreciated their concern, but didn't see any reason for concern for myself... I just tucked it into the back of my mind.  I wasn't concerned because I've been burned out before.  I was a half step away from leaving ministry... So, I knew what burnout felt like... Or at least I thought I knew what burnout felt like.  I knew what burnout felt like from negativity & toxicity, but I didn't necessarily know what it felt like from doing too much. Until it was nearing the corner.  And there was a moment that slapped me in the face that I said, "Oh!  This is what this feels like..." To be fair, I wasn't at burnout yet, but I could see it coming & if I didn't do something about it, it would be coming fast.

So, I brought the idea up to my SPRC & was met with overwhelming support.  Now, I have been in places where I have had to justify up to the hour for vacation or continuing education, so there was a part of me that was ready to have a discussion about it... and yet, I have not experienced this SPRC as anything but supportive, caring, & compassionate.  So, when I said this was something I needed, I was asked 4 questions:
1.) What makes this different than vacation
2.) We want you to work on self care & boundaries
3.) What do we need to do for the church?
4.) What do we need to do for you?

I am beyond grateful for their support & encouragement.  And for the entire congregation... When I would tell people this was happening the response was universally, "Oh, that sounds about right." The Church was the church... They made decisions while I was gone, services continued, prayers were prayed, work was done, plans were made... Nothing stopped. I am grateful for their work, support, and for their prayers.  I do not take this lightly.

So, logistically speaking... UMC clergy are given a week of spiritual renewal a year.  (I can't remember where this in the Book of Discipline, but it's there! You can totally look it up yourself...)... I've been at my current appointment for 4 years & haven't taken any of that time.  So, that's where we came up with the 4 weeks or 1 month for spiritual renewal. There is a more formal process that you can go through for a sabbatical (personally, I wasn't yet in need of a leave that long).

I can't  emphasize enough how grateful I am for this time away to reflect, refresh, delight, rest, and adventure.  I know I heard from many colleagues & friends that they wished they could take time like this & wished their churches could support this.  Laity & clergy alike... Please do advocate for spiritual renewal for yourselves & for your clergy.

Every job holds its own challenges and heaviness... I know that there are people in my congregation who carry much in their lives & in their jobs... And as clergy, we hold so much as well... People's stories, people's secrets, people's prayers, people's questions, people's fears, people's hopes... And our own.  And that heaviness just gets so heavy... There's a reason that God commands Sabbath... We need to have these rhythms of rest that go alongside our work. So, for all... Rest. Please, rest...

I'll share some of the lessons that I learned during my leave... Some are deeply personal to me & some are lessons that some (even me) might think, "You didn't know that?" Well... yes... I probably should... And let's be clear, I don't have it all figured out... So I didn't go on this leave and become an expert on life... Good Lord, no!  Quite the opposite... I'm more aware of my fragility & smallness & ignorance & brokenness... And also aware of God's grace & claim & call... I am a beloved child of God.

Spiritual Renewal

Dear Friends,

We’ve had a busy summer already!  We’ve had some great kids classes, a great Middle School Staycation, great produce at the Farmer’s Market, & so much more!  There’s some great plans gearing up for next fall as well… Can you believe it’s time to think about that already? It’s been an incredible year of programming & studies & worship together & I’m so grateful to begin our 5th year of ministry together.  

Rest and Renewal are an important part to ministry & life together. Both our United Methodist Book of Discipline & the Standing Rules of the Northern Illinois Conference lay out the specifics and parameters of clergy vacation & spiritual renewal.  Each clergyperson is granted a week of spiritual renewal per appointed year of ministry.  In the years since I have been serving as the pastor of Genoa Faith UMC, I have not taken this opportunity. With the increase of programs & outreach alongside other church responsibilities and the additional Annual Conference responsibilities that I have been assigned, it’s become clear that the time has come to take spiritual renewal.  With the blessing & affirmation of our Staff Parish Committee, I’ll be taking August 3-September 2 as spiritual renewal.

When I’ve thought about what I’ll be doing during this spiritual renewal, I’ve asked friends & colleagues what they would do & they’ve offered suggestions like “visit a cabin in the woods” or “Take a long walk through a forest” or “go on a silent retreat”... And while those are great ways to renew… They don’t speak to my soul. My soul is renewed & refreshed by being around people that I love & inspire & challenge me. I’ll be visiting different churches & worship services, breathing different air, trying new things, and listening to the ways that God is speaking. For those that follow me on any of the social media platforms, there may be times when it looks like vacation.  Well, spiritual renewal doesn’t always have to be solemn & serious. Play, delight, joy, & wonder are just as important as parts of spiritual renewal. I’ll be visiting Wisconsin, Missouri, Ohio, West Virginia, & Minnesota.  

During this time, you’ll be hearing from our Detroit Mission Team, our fabulous lay speakers, and our District Superintendent Rev. Young Mee Park.  Any pastoral care needs will be covered by Pastor Jackie Wills.  

I’m looking forward to sharing my experiences with you when I return! Our mission will continue to be making the world a better place here & now and for the future.

Blessings,

~Pastor Melissa

Rehearsal Dinner Speach: Kelsey & Spencer

I found out about a Kelsey when I was 9 and made the executive decision that she could be born on my birthday… It was a great birthday present for a 10 year old… And most years, I'm still happy to share! I watched Kelsey grow up from the squeaky voiced Kelser into the woman she is today. And y'all… I mean… I have some stories. Which I will be happier to share with you…. I mean if the price is right. (Kelsey, I'll share the profits with you, don't worry…). Not only have I just watched Kelsey grow up, but I've gotten to participate in the adventures too! Playing Barbies, shopping, eating cupcakes… Always having fun! Even though we're cousins, there's so many times that we've treated one another as more than cousins… I've enjoyed Kelsey’s less than filtered moments and sharing the Kelsey quotes that just seem to float out of her mouth… I'm sure you have a few of your own Kelsey quotes to share… (you can always search the hashtag… You'll find some). For all the fun stories that there are to share and as much as I could roast Kelsey, I mean… She can too. And the truth is that watching Kelsey grow up into the woman that she is. She is dedicated to everything she puts her mind to. She works hard… Literally-- holding multiple jobs while going to school… Wedding planning while working on her masters. She's good at keeping peace and makes sacrifices to make sure people are kept happy. I can't describe to you how incredibly proud I am of this faithful, inclusive, happy young woman. Now, Spencer… Just because most of the Meyers crew is in Illinois, we are still going to keep you accountable to caring for our Kelsey… I have every trust that you will take care of her and encourage her to continue to be the best Kelsey she can be… And she will do the same for you, I'm very sure. I'm grateful that you have found each other and are beginning this life adventure together. Where you will have many stories to share (and some not to..). So… In this adventure of life that you are on together… The way is long -- may you go together

The way is difficult -- may you help each other

The way is joyful -- may you share it

The way is yours alone --may you go in love

The way grows before you -- may you begin. 

Happy Anniversary Matt & Kristi

A year ago today, my brother & sister-in-law got married.... So, to remember that-- here is the sermon from their service, which includes the letters they wrote to each other about why they wanted to get married and why they love each other. Happy Anniversary!

_________

Well… you’re here… you’ve made it… You made it through the planning & organizing...you made it through the showers & parties… You made it through the small choices & the big choices… You’re here.  And you’re here surrounded by love… The love of family & friends from near & far...And, of course...your love for each other.  

It would be so easy for me to stand here & tell stories of Matt growing up or welcome to the family speeches for Kristi… And those things both very much exist… And there will be plenty of time to share those later & for years to come… But today, your words to each other should ring the loudest as they tell the story of your love & your relationship & why exactly you’re here today… So, I gave Matt & Kristi homework to do & the homework was simple… write each other a letter about why they want to get married to each other & why they love each other.  So… here’s what they have to say...

Matt,

Why do I want to marry you? You are the one that I want to build my hopes and dreams with, the one I want to grow old with, the one I want to laugh with, even on the days that I get “tired” of your endless jokes ☺  I’ve found someone that accepts me for who I am and doesn’t tell me I need to change.  When I look into your eyes, I see enough love to last a lifetime.  I see my best friend.  I fell in love with your heart, your soul, your patience, your love for your family and friends. I love us and the way that we live our lives with endless laughter. I’ve found someone that I can spend my lifetime falling more in love with.  I only hope that I am able to show you even a glimpse of the love you give me every day.  Let’s always be in love, like we are today.  Let’s always be there for each other no matter what.  Let’s still be crazy in love when we’re eighty and have just as much fun then as we do now.

You have taught me what a true partnership is all about. I feel so fortunate that we get to go through life as husband and wife.  I love that from the start of our relationship you have taken Kallie under your wing and treated her as your own.  The days that I’m tired of fighting the parenting battles, you fill in and help fight them with me.  I know these battles are only going to get worse as Kallie gets older, but with you by my side anything is possible.  I can’t thank you enough for the love you give to Kallie and me.

I vow to always appreciate how lucky I am to have someone that makes me feel the way you do. And to continue to try as hard as I can to make you feel as special as you make me feel.  I am truly blessed to be loved by you and am thankful everyday that we found each other.  

I take you Matt to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love.  I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever.  I will trust you and honor you.  I will laugh with you and cry with you.  There will be times that I won’t like you and you won’t like me, but I promise to love you faithfully through the best and the worst, through the difficult and the easy.   As I have given you my hand to hold so I give you my life to keep.

Always,

Kristi

Kristi:

You are my best friend.  Last May 11th, you let me know that you feel the same way.  On June 27th, we get to make that official.  In between, we’ve had a lot to do and a lot to decide, but nothing has changed, you are still my best friend.

Writing this letter took me a long time (it’s probably overdue), but there are some things you should know.  I’m supposed to write about why I love you, and the simplest explanation I can give is this; anything that I do is more fun with you.  Whether we are at home, on the road somewhere, sitting around playing on our iPads, or watching sports; I’d always rather do it with you.  Whenever we do any of these things, I know that I have one person with me who will laugh at the same things that I do, even if no one else is laughing.

Since I have known you, you have always been there for me, listened to me, and learned more about me.  More times than I can count, I’ve forgotten to do something, not wanted to do something, or dropped the ball and you’ve been there to pick me up.  Many times, you do this for me when I don’t even know it.  I’ve enjoyed trying to do the same for you and Kallie.

Speaking of Kallie, she is a huge part of our relationship.  When you get married, you are marrying someone you want to raise children with.  I’m lucky that I’ve gotten a “sneak peek” to see just how amazing you are with Kallie. Every day, I see a loving, caring, and nurturing side of you that can be just as easily matched with your ability to make difficult decisions with her best interests in mind.  In many ways, I know that we strike the perfect balance in parenthood and compliment each other perfectly.  Many years from now, when we have the twins (or triplets), I know you’ll be the same way.  

I can’t wait for June 27th, and it’s not just because I want to be done with planning and preparing.  I’m excited for our families to officially merge as we’ve always been able to fit right in with each others’.  I look forward to sharing many more years with you and your family; and making memories that are no longer separate, but ours. Most of all, I look forward to spending more time with you, enjoying your beauty, sense of humor, empathy, selflessness, and raising a family with you.

Love,

             Matt

As you share this new adventure together… As you have spent your relationship building the partnership that you have...You will continue to nurture the positive qualities in one another & strengthen those places that are not quite as strong… You’ll spend the rest of your lives growing more in love with one another...And there will be times that you will feel love with passion & fire...And there will be times when it may not be as firey, but it will be deep & full…Life isn’t always easy…That’s not a surprise to anyone! Whether it’s managing schedules or making difficult decisions or any number of life experiences!  There are twists & turns & ups & downs… But in life, we don’t have to go alone.  You each have found a partner to share this life together—the ups & downs & the twists & turns. The miracle of marriage is that 2 complete individuals come together to make one.  Both of you come together bringing all that you have and all that you are… So, as you continue on this journey of life together and this new family that you all create…Hold fast to the love that you have for one another in this moment and the reasons why you are here today… “You’re my best friend… You make everything more fun…” “You’re the one I want to build my hopes & dreams with…”

I Gave Up the Church I Dreamed Of... And Yet..

2012 was a year of incredible pain & growth for me.  It was the year I lost my faith, I lost my church, and I lost my way.  It was also toward the end of the year that I rededicated myself to finding all of those things.  And ya'll.  It is a journey!  Sometimes a painful & heartbreaking journey and sometimes one that is full of joy and wonder and amazement.  I wouldn't trade this journey for anything.  Even though it is marked with significant heartbreak....

I attended General Conference in 2012.  General Conference is the gathering of United Methodists from around the world that makes our church law.  It's where we determine who we are and where we're going for the future.  Nothing could prepare me for what I experienced there.  Our delegation prepared well for legislation and what conversations would happen.  I talked with people who had been who tried to warn and advise.  And yet there was still nothing that could have prepared me for what I would experience.  

It was because of General Conference 2012, I lost my church.  Well, that's slightly dramatic... I lost the church that I had dreamed of.  I watched people I deeply respected act in ways that were embarrassing and hurtful. I watched as dear friends and colleagues were deeply hurt by votes and conversations.  And I watched as everything sort of exploded in the end and we wondered what all had happened.  

I know that my heart & soul were tender because of what had already unfolded in the year.  I had a minimal belief in God, and yet still clung to the church.  Or at least what I saw the church as.  And General Conference seemed to reveal something different.  It revealed an ugliness that I had pretended didn't really exist and I was confronted with it head on.  

In my journey of rediscovery of faith, church, and just life, I gave up the church that I had dreamed of.  I had believed that if I dreamed hard enough, it would just be true.  It was a delusion that I convinced myself of.  It was painful to recognize that. And yet...

It also forced me to accept the Church as she is.  Flawed and fragile.  Fearful and trying to be Faithful.  Lost and Found.  Being Perfected and yet so Far.  And for me these realizations made the church so much more beautiful and incredible.  

These realizations made me welcome the church as it is & understand how we all got to where we are.  And yet, it also didn't make my dreams for what the church could be disappear.  I can accept the church for who she is and still work on the church that I dream of. 

I have waffled during this General Conference how much I actually care.  I have quipped that I give 0 f**ks and that I give all the f**ks.  And that I hold to the idea that "All will be well." All of these things are true at the same time.  

As things have been unfolding and hopes and fears have been confirmed or destroyed this year at General Conference.  (And we're not done... there is more to come!).  I continue to accept the Church as she is.  Flawed and Fragile.  Fearful and trying to be Faithful.  Lost and Found.  Being Perfected and yet so Far.  And I recommit myself over and over again to continue to build the church that I dream of.  A church where all are welcomed and helped to find who they are as people of sacred worth.  A church where people are challenged to do what others say can't be done.  A church where people are committed to making the world a better place here and now and for the future.  A church where failure is welcomed and celebrated as we experiment and live into our calling the best ways we understand it.  A church that is playful and full of wonder and amazement.  A church where the Divine surprises us and challenges us and comforts us as we do that same for one another.  

Whatever happens at General Conference, I am still committed to building the church that I dream of and I'm grateful for the heartbreak that drew me to this place. 

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There's Glitter in My Ashes...

Ashes Stardust

Here we are on Ash Wednesday, which marks the 1st day of Lent… Lent being the 40 day journey to Easter… 40 days & 40 nights (excluding Sundays which we remember as mini-Easters). Today, Ash Wednesday, we start this journey by remembering we are fragile, yet sacred...We Start the journey in humility & hope… A journey where we are pulled into the hope of Easter.  And sometimes we make that journey kicking & screaming… And yet… Hope is waiting for us & more than waiting...

For those who have been a part of a mainline Christian tradition-- today is another holiday in the church...A day is probably familiar with ashes on people’s foreheads...For those who haven’t been a part of a mainline Christian tradition… you may be wondering what is today all about? And sometimes no matter how we’ve experienced Ash Wednesday, we may still wonder what it’s all about… The day where people walk around with smudges on their forehead...Some people have even said with skepticism… “That seems too Catholic for me.”  Ash Wednesday & Lent have some baggage as those things that Catholics do… And yet… No denomination or Christian tradition gets to take sole claim for rituals like Ash Wed or Lent.

Rituals give us touchpoints on our faith journey...Sometimes we need something physical to do in order to help us remember...Sometimes we need to do something to help us remember...Ash Wed, the placing ashes on our forehead is that ritual...Which is a reminder that we are dust and to dust we will return.

Remembering our mortality doesn’t always seem like something that’s hopeful...And yet… Even in the midst of our mortality, there is hope...We are dust and to dust we will return...And yet… we are more than that...We are more than dust…

There was a National Geographic article last year of an interview of an astrophysicist (Karel Schrijver)and his wife (Iris Schrijver), a medical pathologist.  The two co-authored a book about how everything is connected including how 40,000 tons of falling cosmic dust affects the earth.  In the article, Iris is quoted saying “Everything we are and everything in the universe and on Earth originated from stardust, and it continually floats through us even today. It directly connects us to the universe, rebuilding our bodies over and again over our lifetimes.” In their conversations together over dinner, Karel says he began to understand the impermanence of our bodies as Iris helped him to understand that “cells die and rebuild all the time. We're literally not what were a few years ago, and not just because of the way we think. Everything around us does this. Nature is not outside us. We are nature.”  We aren’t just dust… Like Joni Mitchell sings in the song Woodstock...we are stardust...We’re not just abstract or separate from all creation, but rather we are intimately connected to it…And to each other...We literally are all a part of each other...No wonder Paul tells us that when one of us hurts, we all hurt… when one of us rejoices, we all rejoice… We are cosmically woven together...We belong to each other...Is that too out there for you? Maybe, try it this way…. we are created from the same substance… at the core of who we are… we are all the same...We are all created in the image of God

This is who we are….No matter what other definitions or labels we give to one another, we are all created in the image of God...Each of us is an individual of sacred worth...Someone created in the image of God. That is so important for us to remember that about each other...And it is also important to remember about ourselves… You are an individual of sacred worth...You are created in the image of God...I am an individual of sacred worth...I am created in the image of God...

And guess what...We will make mistakes...We will slip...we will fall...we will mess up… sometimes spectacularly...And none of that diminishes our sacred worth or the reflection of God in us...You are dust… and you are stardust...

Jan Richardson wrote this prayer/blessing for Ash Wednesday: “All those days you felt like dust, like dirt, as if all you had to do was turn your face toward the wind and be scattered to the four corners or swept away by the smallest breath as insubstantial --did you not know  what the Holy One can do with dust? This is the day we freely say we are scorched This is the hour we are marked by what has made it through the burning. This is the moment we ask for the blessing that lives within the ancient ashes, that makes its home inside the soil of this sacred earth. So let us be marked not for sorrow. And let us be marked not for shame. Let us be marked not for false humility or for thinking we are less than we are but for claiming what God Can do within the dust within the dirt, within the stuff of which the world is made and the stars that blaze in our bones and the galaxies that spiral inside the smudge we bear.”

The ashes remind us of our mortality….The ashes invite us to begin this Lenten journey with humility...It takes humility to say, “I need to start over…” It takes humility to say“I haven’t always lived into my full humanity”...It takes humility to say “I haven’t always looked at everyone with sacred worth” ...It takes humility to say...“I’d like to try again…”

And this ritual of ashes on our foreheads reminds us that we get to try again (and again and again and again…) And this ritual reminds that we have been marked and claimed by God.. the Divine..The Holy One...

So, tonight... Sunday’s palms become Wednesday ashes and Also… I have to add a sprinkle of glitter...And it’s not just because I like glitter (and we all know I like glitter…)... And it’s not because I want to add something frivolous or silly to this occasion… but there’s actually a theological reason why...Glitter is everlasting (ask someone who has tried to clean glitter!)... It’s everlasting just like God… The Divine… The Holy One...And in the middle of the dust… there is something more…a reflection of the Divine..Sacred worth… A reflection of everlasting mixed into mortality…It’s a reminder that From stardust you came & to stardust you will return.

February 2016 Newsletter

Dear Friends,

I know that Christmas just barely ended… but we’ll be starting Lent this month!  I know. We’ve barely undecorated the Christmas tree & taken away the poinsettias & soon we’ll be taking orders for Easter lilies & putting up the lily cross.  It seems impossible, but here we are!

Lent is a time for stripping away and refocus.  Our Lenten series here at Faith UMC will take a slightly different take (but at this point, that shouldn’t surprise you!).  We’ll be looking at the Gospel presented in films, but with the theme of giving up.  Each movie will have a idea, concept, thought, or action to give up.  Most people will give up something during Lent like coffee or chocolate or social media.  I’d like for us to consider giving up some other things… We’ll be talking about giving up hopelessness, being ok, grudges, injustice, faithlessness.  Not quite what most people will talk about giving up during Lent!  Each of these will make space for something else like: hope, self worth, forgiveness, justice, and faith.  Which is the point of giving something up… we give something up to make room for something else.  You can continue with your ritual of giving up something else like chocolate, coffee, or social media… but think about why & what it is that you’ll make space for by giving up that thing.  Will you give up social media to spend more time face to face with friends?  Will you give up coffee to give that money to charity causes?  Whatever you give up or make space for, blessings on your endeavor!  

We’ve had a busy & wonderful year already with our children’s classes… We’ve had a successful cooking class offered in January with 40 kids in attendance each night!  Thank you so much for your donations of food & supplies to help make these classes a success!  Thank you also to Kay Baker, Charlene Engleson, Rebecca Bennett, Eileen Allen, Judy Hodge, Brandy Ballentine, & Deb Pelley for your help with the classes throughout the year!  We’ll offer cooking classes again in March, but have art classes this month!  If you’d like to help with the art projects (no expertise required!), we’d love to have you.  If you’d like to help with donations for the class, there is an Amazon wish list created with some of the tools & supplies needed.  You can find the full list in print in the office or visit: http://amzn.com/w/37URU4LEQKZ1X .  Thank you so much for those who have already purchased items for us!  

Even though the winter is seeming to just hit, we’re looking to summer activities including Middle School Staycation, High School Mission Trip, Vacation Bible School, Summer Reading Vacation, & more!  If you have ideas or would like to work with any of our children & youth programming this summer, we’d love to have you… If there’s something that you’ve been dreaming of, but haven’t figured out how to start, I’d love to talk with you & see what we can make happen!  I’m grateful for the creativity, experimentation, and generous hearts & hands here at Faith UMC.  I’m looking forward to what we will continue to do together to make a difference in the world here & now and for the future!

Blessings,

~Pastor Melissa

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UMCNIC15 Memorial Service Sermon

Memorial Service

First, I’d like to thank the Bishop and the worship team of the Annual Conference Committee for the invitation to preach at this, the Memorial Service of our Northern Illinois Annual Conference.  To say that I was a little intimidated when I received the phone call is probably an understatement & to be quite honest, I kept thinking that at some point someone would call & say, “#whoopsies...we made a mistake…” .. And as the notifications & funeral announcements continued to be sent for our friends, colleagues, members, & family, It was a reminder of the incredibly humbling task to reflect on the incredible service of these clergy & laity of the Northern Illinois Conference… And together we continue to remember those who have finished their course in faith… as we grieve...We also continue to look forward… To face the future together…. we remember & we move forward step by step…inch by inch...moment by moment...

Would you pray with me?  May the words of my mouth & the meditations of all of our hearts be acceptable in your sight, O Lord our Rock & our Redeemer.  Amen.

In our passage from Exodus, it tells us where Moses’ grave is… outside of the Promised Land… A place that was probably physically known to most people at the time… And sometimes those physical reminders are what we need to remember…But there is much to remember about this story of Moses & the Israelites...

It had been quite an adventure for Moses & the Israelites leaving Egypt & heading towards the land that they had been promised… There were moments that some wanted to head back to Egypt & return to slavery because the journey ahead was hard & unknown… There were poisonous snakes along the way that they had to meander through… Total dependence on manna & quails from heaven as their food… There were golden calves & tablet throwing… There’s a lot that was packed into this story of Moses… For generations they wandered the desert with the hope that they would get to the place they had promised…

I have to think that in the moments where Moses felt the most lost or frustrated or annoyed or even the most doubtful… He held on to that promise from God of the place where the tribe would live & be… Not in slavery, but claimed as God’s chosen people… That’s enough to pull you out of bed in morning!  But then we come to the end of Moses’ life… and it’s here that we learn that Moses, himself, won’t be entering the promised land… I don’t know about you, but my heart just breaks for him… He had come so far & worked so hard… And sure made some mistakes & slip ups along the way… But I kind of want to tell God, “Hey, maybe don’t be such a jerk & let Moses in, please...K thanks, bye.”  But it doesn’t change & Moses dies...not entering the promised land… And there is grief & there is mourning…

It can be hard when someone that you love dies… Isn’t that the understatement of the decade… Even when a death is expected & even when a death is prayed for as a relief to the end of suffering and pain… when it actually happens, it can feel like the wind was knocked out of us… And as many books and articles and talks and counselors as there are to deal with grief & with loss, there is no one right way to grieve...Each journey is unique & we can hardly be adequately prepared for everything that we will feel along the way… In the swirly, twirly waves of grief… We feel our way through… Relying on touchpoints along the way…Physical places that we can point to or visit that help us to remember.  

Do ya’ll know when Christmas is?  And when Christmas is over?  I can feel all the theological/liturgical/church nerds screaming about the 12 days of Christmas now… And let’s be honest… if you’re at Annual Conference, you probably fall into one of those nerd categories… Well, May 8th was the day Christmas ended at my house…. Or well, that was when I took down my Christmas tree… Thank you for your affirmation & standing ovation at this amazing accomplishment of mine…. And for those of you who are judging me… Oh don’t you worry your pretty little heads, I judged myself enough every time I walked past it… I knew when I put up the tree, I was going to have a hard time taking it down… Some of it is that I just hate seeing the empty space there after it’s gone… Some if it is the tediousness of wrapping all the ornaments up and putting them away in the right boxes & containers… But in the last few years, it takes me longer & longer to take the tree down because of a particular ornament on the tree… 3 ½ years ago my best friend died… unexpectedly & it devastated me… And Christmas was her favorite season…. She bought me a Christmas tree to put in my dorm at college because she couldn’t bear the thought of anyone not having a tree no matter where they were!  And before I left for seminary, she bought us ornaments… Of the best friend variety… The ones where they’re two halves of a heart-- on one side it reads “best” and on the other side, “friends”... and it was a joke between us… we laughed at the silliness of it & yet the profoundness of our relationship… I have hung that ornament on my tree every year… And since her death, it gets harder & harder to take the tree down & not have that physical reminder of her presence, her laughter, and her passion for life…. Sometimes we need those physical reminders to help us to remember… For those of you here today to remember & honor your loved ones, you may have those physical reminders… a robe, a stole, a wedding ring, a casserole dish, a best friend ornament… Something that you look at & just remember…

In this passage about Moses’ death…it’s a time for remembrance… a time to grieve & mourn & remember… But this passage isn’t only about remembrance, which invites us to look back with love & nostalgia...This passage also pulls us forward even in the uncertainty… there is so much in this passage that contains hope for the future & reminders that we can’t stay forever in memory…The Israelites mourned for 30 days before they began to follow Joshua into the Promised Land just as Moses had commissioned Joshua to do…Because the end of the story isn’t a memory... Because there’s still so much more of the story to tell…

I think some details in this particular story about Moses are fascinating & surprising… But that’s the thing about Scripture-- it continually surprises & delights… It is full of hidden gems & we are constantly unfolding new understandings to what is contained in these stories of God & God’s people… And in this passage, as I was reading & studying & reflecting, there were details that I thought added & sometimes changed what I thought the point of the passage was… But in the end every detail pointed to a message of hope in the middle of everything.  

Moses, this 120 year old man… This leader, this prophet, this friend… he also had a few other things going for him… At least according to this passage…. His sight was unimpaired-- which often is a euphemism for how attractive someone is… So, he still looked good for 120 years old… he probably would have gotten a 2nd glance as he walked down the street & not just because he was Moses…. I’m sure he would have been someone’s #mcm (Man Crush Monday)... And it’s important that this is pointed out & recorded in this passage… It’s also important to be recorded that Moses hadn’t lost his vigor… Which is another euphemism...use your imagination… Sometimes Scripture is a little shocking, isn’t it?  These things are important to be pointed and recorded about Moses in his death… Why?? Why do we need to know these things, why do we still need to read them?  

I think buried in these details about Moses is a message of hope… Moses still had the capacity to continue the work to which he was called… The tribe could still be built… the legacy could still be passed on… The work could continue… And as Moses passed the mantle of authority on to Joshua, the work would continue… It would continue as the Tribe made their home in the Promised Land & continued to grow…The legacy of Moses’ leadership would continue through Joshua…

And in his grief, Joshua assumed the role that Moses had commissioned him for… To continue to lead the Israelite people into the Promised Land.  Carrying the legacy of Moses’ work with him… the laws in the ark...the stories that would be told for generations… These memories of Moses, his life, his work that would continue on through a new generation...And it has continued on...

As we read through the names of the saints who have died this past year, much has been done in the service of God & the Church.  Behind each of those names is a story of someone who has given all that they have to be faithful to their call as a servant of God.  The call from the waters of their baptism to work alongside God to build a future...  Their lives have inspired us, the mantles that they leave us to pick up & continue the work is the hope for the future...

The future is still on the horizon… It’s still there.  I don’t know if you have heard the statistics or read the reports, but there are a lot of numbers that tell us that the church is dying… There are a lot of panicked responses & confident advice about what it is that we should or shouldn’t do… You have to believe this...You can’t believe that… You can’t mention this or that… You should have this type of music or that type of children’s program… Maybe you’ve read those types of things?  And I think it would be naive to ignore where we are all as a church right now… But I also think that it would be naive & foolish to think that God will not continue to work at building a future.  And that future may not be what we thought it would be but it will still be… And so we cling to that hope of a future just as we work on building that future here & now.  

We don’t simply remember the legacy of those who have gone before us… We continue to move forward despite the uncertainty… inch by inch...step by step… moment by moment… And we don’t walk this crazy adventure all on our own… but we do this together… Remembering together… Holding hope together… Lifting each other up when we feel too tired to go on… Encouraging each other in the middle of doubts & fears… Moving forward together… A rag tag group of men & women who struggle day by day to build this future with hope.  I may not know how we’ll get there or what will happen, But in the middle of chaos & confusion, I’ll hold to the promise of God continuing to make things new & continuing to work in the act of redeeming creation...and I’ll claim my part in helping to making that new creation a reality… Because in the waters of our baptism, we are called into ministry with God… Co-creators… Building this new creation as a new creation together...inch by inch...step by step… moment by moment...

I got called a harlot today.

Yep...that's right. I was called a harlot. For those that missed this paneradventure, here it is. 

Paneradventure in Walmart

I was minding my own business looking for excedrine when this interaction took place:

W: Honey, I want you to know that Jesus loves you very much.

Me: Oh…well, thank you.

W: No, I mean it…it’s something that you really need to know.

Me: Well, I do…so, thanks.

W: it’s just that…Jesus really loves the harlots of this world.

Me: Ummmm…did you just call me a harlot?

W: Sweetie, you have that harlot look to you.

Me: I’m not sure what a harlot look is, but…thank God Jesus loves all of us.

W: Amen! Have a good day!

Here's some of my reflections on what happened...

First--I have received righteous indignation on my behalf...this story made people angry... I, myself, was not offended. What doesn't come across incredibly well in black & white is that this woman did not come to me angry or bitter, but truly with compassion...she really wanted me to know that Jesus loves me. (Truthfully, I didn't know people actually still used to word harlot...apparently that's a thing?)

Second--I have been praised for being so kind... One could argue that posting this conversation on various social media outlets is not kind. (And I might not disagree with you...). Because I was not offended, I really did find this hilarious...as I was leaving the store, people must have thought I was a little crazy for cracking myself up...

Here's what my thoughts on the event known as "harlotgate" are...

This woman was doing what she was doing out of love. Yes, her method might be a little questionable...but she was telling me about a Jesus she has found to love her. I didn't ask her what her story was...I didn't ask how she came to love Jesus & want to tell others about him. My guess is that if I would have, I might understand this conversation a whole lot better. 

People like this make my job a lot harder. If she had said this to someone else, the outcome might have been very different. (and let's be honest...she probably has...).  To be labeled as something you're not can be detrimental & damaging to someone's faith journey. Please be careful of the words that you choose...please be careful of how you represent God...this is not to cause fear, but remember how you approach a person. Personally, I come from an understanding that everyone reflects the image of God & that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Grounding my conversation (hopefully) in these truths help me to enter into a conversation very differently. I also understand that everyone has a story of how they are who they are. You didn't just wake up one morning the person that you are...understanding people's stories helps to know who they are without applying your label to them. 

I have said to a few friends recently that I offer grace much more easily to people I might label more conservative or fundamentalist or Evangelical... Because I know that journey well.  I didn't always believe that nothing can separate us from God's love...I didn't always belive that people are created in the image of God...I didn't always believe it was important to know peoples' stories...I didn't always believe that God was a God of grace & forgiveness...I know the God that they might be referring to & I loved that God deeply...I might have had some of the same conversations that woman had with me today... In this journey, God did not change... But I did. And my understanding of who God is & how to share that message has changed dramatically over the years. It doesn't mean that I expect everyone to have the same experience that I did or that I assume I am "further along" than others (Not. True.)... 

What I will keep doing is this-- share the love of God with anyone I meet. In words or in actions...help to teach others to be mindful of what they say & do...keep encouraging others to share their faith & why they love God so much... I will also keep exploring to try & understand more & more why God loves a harlot like me.